# It's Part of Me **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 24, 2011, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656 "2011-06-24T02:22:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2011, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656/141 "2011-06-25T17:18:52Z")
While I understand the annoyance of the OP’s 10,000 disability rights posts, I don’t see how him being firm about the chair is him being aggressive, in your face, or looking for a fight. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2011, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656/142 "2011-06-25T17:28:58Z")
> [@CitizenPained](#): > > While I understand the annoyance of the OP’s 10,000 disability rights posts, I don’t see how him being firm about the chair is him being aggressive, in your face, or looking for a fight. Considering he’s been arrested for blocking some guy in with his car when the guy parked in a handicapped spot, (and this was the second time he’s done that), I have no trouble believing that he was “in your face” in this instance. It’s not so much about the content of his posts (although the one-trick-pony thing is annoying – it tends to get people banned if they don’t post about other things as well), but the WAY he posts. “I’m right and anyone who disagrees obviously hates cripples.” ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2011, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656/143 "2011-06-25T18:57:56Z")
> [@jamiemcgarry](#): > > The fucking restaraunt was empty. But of course, NOBODY reads anything here. Big fucking surprise. How can u say “people tripping over my chair…” The place was empty and my chair was folded up right next to my table chair. Im just not replying to a single other post in this thread. It’s closed for me. **jamiemcgarry** , I have not been in your situation myself, but I do appreciate what you must be going through, having had several close family members who became permanent or temporary wheelchair users due to disability or long-term post-op recovery. However, please refrain from lashing out at the other posters, whether individually or collectively, while in this forum. ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2011, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656/144 "2011-06-25T19:02:44Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > She’d be more likely to rescue you if you weren’t such a jerk about it in the first place. > > _ **I’d rather one guy who couldn’t walk died in a fire rather than have multiple people trip on your wheelchair and get stampeded as they panicked and tried to get out to safety.** _ > > “BUT THE RESTAURANT WAS EMPTY!!!” you’re about to say… So answer me this, Who do you think is in the kitchen spitting in your soup? > > Fire codes are important. Just ask [Great White fans.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_White#Station_nightclub_fire) (Emphasis mine) And as long as I’m here–the bolded part seems overly close to wishing death on the OP. This is inappropriate, please refrain from doing so in the future. ---
**Author:** ![missred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missred/32/14096_2.png) [@missred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missred)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2011, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656/145 "2011-06-25T19:05:36Z")
I have to agree with **Guin** and **ITD** on this one. I believe that the OP’s advocacy for those with disabilities, such as it may be, would be more effective if he’d dial it down a notch and come across as a man who has a disability instead of a disabled guy. As someone who has not only accompanied those who needed special accomodation on a fairly regular basis, but also spent 1.5 years on crutches or canes after an auto accident, I know it’s not a piece of cake. However, I would have been just as mortified as his date was had someone who I was with (with or without a disability) acted in such a manner to waitstaff or other folks in the service biz. It would have told me right off the bat that your attitude was “my way or the highway”, no room for compromise, and that we weren’t a good match. In conclusion, in the 297 posts that the OP has under his belt in the short time that he’s been on the Dope, I’ve seen none (but I might have missed one) that aren’t disability related. @ the OP: We’re a community. Do you have any other interests? Or do you define your entire being as that of the guy in the chair? We have other posters who have disabilities too (others in wheelchairs, hearing impaired, etc) who I know of their impairments, but know primarily because they share other interests with the rest of us. I’ve learned a lot about accomodations from them in a non-confrontational manner and (hope that I) am a better person for it. You seem to be fairly intelligent. If you’d let go of some of the combo scared-little-kid/macho attitude, you might one day be a poster that actually fights ignorance rather than just pissing folks off or dividing them. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2011, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656/146 "2011-06-25T19:13:49Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > When that doesn’t work for the Other Half sometimes they drag me aside and say things like "Can’t you get him to leave? He’s making other people uncomfortable! They don’t want to look at people _like that."_ Or worse things. Wait – you’ve had STAFF say that to you? Seriously? Ugh! ---
**Author:** ![Hunter\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/50afbb/32.png) [@Hunter\_Hawk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hunter_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2011, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656/147 "2011-06-25T19:15:14Z")
> [@missred](#): > > If you’d let go of some of the combo scared-little-kid/macho attitude, you might one day be a poster that actually fights ignorance rather than just pissing folks off or dividing them. Seconded. Even doing something along the lines of an “Ask the wheelchair-bound bodybuilder” thread would be a [del]step[/del] move in the right direction. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2011, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656/148 "2011-06-25T19:36:41Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > When that doesn’t work for the Other Half sometimes they drag me aside and say things like "Can’t you get him to leave? He’s making other people uncomfortable! They don’t want to look at people _like that."_ Or worse things. > [@Guinastasia](#): > > Wait – you’ve had STAFF say that to you? Seriously? Ugh! My mom had polio in 1954 and had to put up with that crap then. I amazed that people have the balls to pull that these days. ---
**Author:** ![MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MPB_in_Salt_Lake)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2011, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656/149 "2011-06-25T19:40:34Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Wait – you’ve had STAFF say that to you? Seriously? Ugh! Apparently several times… Almost defies belief that so many different people in the Service Industry, who all depend on serving as many customers as possible to make a living, would possibly dare take the dining companion of someone in a wheelchair aside and ask them to leave the establishment, telling them outright, with no pretense or attempt at sugar-coating that no one could stand looking at the cripple. Almost defies belief… ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2011, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656/150 "2011-06-25T19:55:06Z")
> [@Meyer6](#): > > > [@CitizenPained](#): > > > > As someone who is in a wheelchair, he’s probably discriminated against all the fucking time. Would you rather him be meek and timid? > > So the only options are aggressive and in your face or meek and timid. No middle ground? Strawman, excluded middle… she’s going for the bingo! ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2011, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656/151 "2011-06-25T20:23:18Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > > [@Broomstick](#): > > > > When that doesn’t work for the Other Half sometimes they drag me aside and say things like “Can’t you get him to leave? He’s making other people uncomfortable! They don’t want to look at people like that.” Or worse things. > > Wait – you’ve had STAFF say that to you? Seriously? Ugh! Well, yeah - being staff or management is no proof against bigotry. Probably not as common a sentiment as it used to be, but it’s out there. Over the years I’ve mentioned this sort of thing from time to time out here on the Dope. It’s been awhile since I last heard it, but every time I think it’s gone for good I get surprised by it again somewhere. ---
**Author:** ![Suil\_Dubh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/85f322/32.png) [@Suil\_Dubh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suil_Dubh)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2011, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656/152 "2011-06-26T02:16:11Z")
> [@missred](#): > > In conclusion, in the 297 posts that the OP has under his belt in the short time that he’s been on the Dope, I’ve seen none (but I might have missed one) that aren’t disability related. @ the OP: We’re a community. Do you have any other interests? Or do you define your entire being as that of the guy in the chair? We have other posters who have disabilities too (others in wheelchairs, hearing impaired, etc) who I know of their impairments, but know primarily because they share other interests with the rest of us. I’ve learned a lot about accomodations from them in a non-confrontational manner and (hope that I) am a better person for it. You seem to be fairly intelligent. If you’d let go of some of the combo scared-little-kid/macho attitude, you might one day be a poster that actually fights ignorance rather than just pissing folks off or dividing them. That was a very well written post containing some very excellent advice. ---
**Author:** ![Candyman74](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Candyman74](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Candyman74)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2011, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656/153 "2011-06-26T19:13:02Z")
> [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](#): > > I’d just like to say that the attitude “It’s the law, we have to comply with it” is a very dangerous attitude to have that keeps society from progressing. Are you suggesting that “it’s the law, but who cares, let’s ignore all the laws!” is a better recipe for society’s progression. Seriously? Socoety would be better off if everyone ignored any laws which they disagreed with, or which inconvenienced them? I call foul on this statement. By and large, the rule of law has been one of society’s greatest achievements, and in my opinion shares a massive part of society’s “progression”. We HAVE democratic mechanisms for changing laws. Asking restaurant owners to unilaterally do it is not that mechanism. And tansposing the responsibility onto the restaurant owner is just selfish - “break the law or I’ll slag you off on the internet!” If one wants to adopt a civil diopbedience approach to law change (which is possible, as in the example you cite, although and exception not the rule), one has to do it THEMSELF, and take the risk THEMSELF, not demand someone _else_ do it for them. The OP wasn’t the one who’d be faced with the fine and possible closure. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2011, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656/154 "2011-06-26T20:03:16Z")
> [@missred](#): > > I have to agree with **Guin** and **ITD** on this one. I believe that the OP’s advocacy for those with disabilities, such as it may be, would be more effective if he’d dial it down a notch and come across as a man who has a disability instead of a disabled guy. > > As someone who has not only accompanied those who needed special accomodation on a fairly regular basis, but also spent 1.5 years on crutches or canes after an auto accident, I know it’s not a piece of cake. However, I would have been just as mortified as his date was had someone who I was with (with or without a disability) acted in such a manner to waitstaff or other folks in the service biz. It would have told me right off the bat that your attitude was “my way or the highway”, no room for compromise, and that we weren’t a good match. > > In conclusion, in the 297 posts that the OP has under his belt in the short time that he’s been on the Dope, I’ve seen none (but I might have missed one) that aren’t disability related. @ the OP: We’re a community. Do you have any other interests? Or do you define your entire being as that of the guy in the chair? We have other posters who have disabilities too (others in wheelchairs, hearing impaired, etc) who I know of their impairments, but know primarily because they share other interests with the rest of us. I’ve learned a lot about accomodations from them in a non-confrontational manner and (hope that I) am a better person for it. You seem to be fairly intelligent. If you’d let go of some of the combo scared-little-kid/macho attitude, you might one day be a poster that actually fights ignorance rather than just pissing folks off or dividing them. Not only do I have posts which are not disability related, I’ve started numerous threads unrelated to the issue. Now simply because the disability issues were/are front and center in my mind as reasons for joining this board in the first place, I don’t think that should be confused with having a “one-track mind” or single-minded obsession about the matters. I just got here. Give me time, I have a wide-range of interests, curiousities and opinions. ---
**Author:** ![missred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missred/32/14096_2.png) [@missred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missred)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2011, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656/155 "2011-06-27T02:42:56Z")
> [@jamiemcgarry](#): > > Not only do I have posts which are not disability related, I’ve started numerous threads unrelated to the issue. Now simply because the disability issues were/are front and center in my mind as reasons for joining this board in the first place, I don’t think that should be confused with having a “one-track mind” or single-minded obsession about the matters. I just got here. Give me time, I have a wide-range of interests, curiousities and opinions. Good. 🙂 Welcome to the Dope. ETA: Now go post in another thread. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2012, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656/156 "2012-12-24T17:30:23Z")
> [@ReticulatingSplines](#): > > Do you turn every day into an opportunity to escalate minor situations to crimes against humanity? That’s the most fatuous thing I have read today. Oh well, tomorrow is another day. You can try again. To get back to the OP, well I have never had to use a wheelchair, but I expect that if I did, I would feel exactly the same. And if the girl was embarrassed, well you probably want to be dating women with more empathy. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-part-of-me/586656.md?page=7)