# It's popcorn! How fucking dumb are you? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 19, 2008, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-popcorn-how-fucking-dumb-are-you/438263 "2008-02-19T16:19:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![SanibelMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@SanibelMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanibelMan)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2008, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-popcorn-how-fucking-dumb-are-you/438263/81 "2008-02-21T15:38:22Z")
[QUOTE=BMalion] As an experiment, I once placed a large **potatoe** in a commercial microwave. I set the temp to “high” and the time for 60 minutes. The thick, black, column of smoke and 6 inch tongue of flame nessesitated curtailing the project after 10 minutes. I learned to respect microwave ovens that day. [/QUOTE] That’s a hell of a memoir you’ve written there, Mr. Vice President. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2008, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-popcorn-how-fucking-dumb-are-you/438263/82 "2008-02-21T16:12:17Z")
[QUOTE=SanibelMan] That’s a hell of a memoir you’ve written there, Mr. Vice President. [/QUOTE] Glad you noticed! Funny thing, I’ve always spelled it that way. When that story first broke, I thought “what, it’s wrong to spell it that way? Damn.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![AngryIrishLass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bbce88/32.png) [@AngryIrishLass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngryIrishLass)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2008, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-popcorn-how-fucking-dumb-are-you/438263/83 "2008-02-21T16:22:53Z")
An attorney here at the office loves to have popcorn for her afternoon snack. Every. damn. day. To set the scenerio, first, we have a brand new microwave with all the fancy doodads like that popcorn button and something above 3 watts in power (like 900 or some such number); second, we don’t have the normal size bags of popcorn (attorney insists the firm by the popcorn from the morale budget (another topic, another time)). However the receptionist, who does the ordering, gets the mini, personal use bags because she’s tired of the multitude of half empty bags in the break room, which she’s responsible for keeping cleaned up. Without fail at least 2x a week, said attorney will come in and cook that small bag of popcorn for 5-6 minutes. Her reasoning: that’s how long she has to do it at home. Obviously on her college microwave she’s yet to replace some 20 years later. When the office smells like ass, us peons get a memo chastizing us for the burnt popcorn smell - even though the senior partner KNOWS it’s her! The building has even threatened to take our microwave away. Some people are just too stupid for popcorn. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2008, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-popcorn-how-fucking-dumb-are-you/438263/84 "2008-02-21T16:53:16Z")
[QUOTE=AngryIrishLass] Some people are just too stupid for popcorn. [/QUOTE] If I knew how to embroider, this would be going directly onto a pillow. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2008, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-popcorn-how-fucking-dumb-are-you/438263/85 "2008-02-21T17:46:05Z")
**AngryIrishLass** , that’s a special kind of stupid. I just upgraded my microwave from a tiny, underpowered one to one that apparently could cook a horse in about 10 seconds - I have had to SERIOUSLY adjust my cooking times, cause that’s what people with working brains do. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2008, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-popcorn-how-fucking-dumb-are-you/438263/86 "2008-02-21T18:27:51Z")
[QUOTE=AngryIrishLass] To set the scenerio, first, we have a brand new microwave with all the fancy doodads like that popcorn button and something above 3 watts in power (like 900 or some such number); second, we don’t have the normal size bags of popcorn (attorney insists the firm by the popcorn from the morale budget (another topic, another time)). However the receptionist, who does the ordering, gets the mini, personal use bags because she’s tired of the multitude of half empty bags in the break room, which she’s responsible for keeping cleaned up. [/QUOTE] I hate those miniature bags of popcorn. My microwave, a 1200 watt model, pops a full size bag perfectly, using the popcorn button, in 1 minute and 40 seconds. That’s waaaaay too long for the mini sized bags. But that’s another Pit thread entirely. ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2008, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-popcorn-how-fucking-dumb-are-you/438263/87 "2008-02-21T21:32:33Z")
[QUOTE=AudreyK] I think where popcorn-burners go wrong is when they wander off. Don’t know what it is about the microwave that makes people think it’s okay to do so, but you’re cooking something, for gosh sakes. Don’t leave it unattended. Either that or buy pre-popped popcorn. My office has _two_ microwaves. I am thankful my office and the kitchen are on opposite ends of the building. [/QUOTE] Everything else I had attempted to heat had come out perfectly. I just wasn’t aware that the microwave had a power setting to punch a wormhole to an adjacent star system. Apparantly someone had picked it up at an Area 51 garage sale. ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2008, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-popcorn-how-fucking-dumb-are-you/438263/88 "2008-02-21T23:30:43Z")
[QUOTE=zuma] Maybe, as a joke, you could take all the microwave popcorn packets out of the building. [/QUOTE] I once worked for a branch of a company. The branch occupied a few floors on a 20-odd story building which had a snack shop and a deli on the ground floor. The fire department had been called for enough incidents of burnt microwave popcorn somewhere in the building that the FD said that any tenant of a floor with a burnt popcorn call would be billed for the response in the future. So MW popcorn was banned from the building. ---
**Author:** ![Omegaman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e480ec/32.png) [@Omegaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omegaman)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2008, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-popcorn-how-fucking-dumb-are-you/438263/89 "2008-02-22T00:13:02Z")
[QUOTE=Projammer] Everything else I had attempted to heat had come out perfectly. I just wasn’t aware that the microwave had a power setting to punch a wormhole to an adjacent star system. Apparantly someone had picked it up at an Area 51 garage sale. [/QUOTE] I heard that! My wife will bring me a cup of soup fresh out of the micro and every freakin’ time that mothers the temperature of the sun. DAMN! that suckers hot. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Tiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2008, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-popcorn-how-fucking-dumb-are-you/438263/90 "2008-02-22T00:48:52Z")
I used to work in an office that banned popcorn during normal business hours. Unfortunately, the same rule didn’t apply to the company upstairs from us; almost every day, the aroma of popcorn would come wafting through the building’s air system into our office to torture us anyway. Our microwave here at home is one of those super-duper high power ones, and I routinely adjust all my cooking times. Unfortunately, the EVIL lurking this thread is CONTAGIOUS – I just cooked myself up some eggplant parmesan for dinner, carefully decreasing the recommended cooking time by the percentage I normally do – and opened the microwave to find a burned hunk of goo. Fortunately, it was only burned around the edges, and amazingly, it didn’t stink too badly. You guys are to blame for my bowl of cereal supper, however. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2008, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-popcorn-how-fucking-dumb-are-you/438263/91 "2008-02-22T01:52:40Z")
[QUOTE=Projammer] Everything else I had attempted to heat had come out perfectly. I just wasn’t aware that the microwave had a power setting to punch a wormhole to an adjacent star system. Apparantly someone had picked it up at an Area 51 garage sale. [/QUOTE] The thing is, microwaveable popcorn has its own built-in “I’m done cooking!” indicator: it stops popping. You’re supposed to hang around while it pops and take it out when there is a 5-second or so delay between pops. I don’t understand why you can’t just hang around the microwave until it’s done. What does it matter how successful your past microwavings have been? Just because you’ve successfully fried eggs and bacon doesn’t mean it’s ok to leave a burger unattended on the same stove. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2008, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-popcorn-how-fucking-dumb-are-you/438263/92 "2008-02-22T14:26:13Z")
[QUOTE=AudreyK] The thing is, microwaveable popcorn has its own built-in “I’m done cooking!” indicator: it stops popping. You’re supposed to hang around while it pops and take it out when there is a 5-second or so delay between pops.\ [/QUOTE] I think a three-second delay makes perfect popcorn. Five seconds and you’re getting burnt ones already. ---
**Author:** ![Nutty\_Bunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d07c76/32.png) [@Nutty\_Bunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nutty_Bunny)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2008, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-popcorn-how-fucking-dumb-are-you/438263/93 "2008-02-22T15:08:08Z")
[QUOTE=featherlou] I think a three-second delay makes perfect popcorn. Five seconds and you’re getting burnt ones already. [/QUOTE] I’m even more strict than that. I’m a 1-2 second popper. Our office has a combination microwave/toaster/oven/broiler with a _dial_. I have a feeling it was the prototype. I’m always scared to use it, but I limit it to reheating leftovers and the occasional Lean Cuisine. It takes twice as long to cook everything and I never use the toaster/oven/broiler settings. That’s a fire waiting to happen. God only knows what kind of cancers I’m going to get by standing next to it while I babysit my cooking lunch. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2008, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-popcorn-how-fucking-dumb-are-you/438263/94 "2008-02-23T00:09:44Z")
I finally figured out what’s wrong with the one in my office: it’s just a little bit too small for the regular size microwave popcorn bag. It rotates a bit, then the bag gets stuck, and it starts to burn before it’s even done popping. The bag is only about 2/3 inflated and there’s an area in the middle that’s burned and smoking. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2008, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-popcorn-how-fucking-dumb-are-you/438263/95 "2008-02-23T07:23:54Z")
[Natural selection will take care of folks who like microwave popcorn.](http://www.earthtimes.org/articles/show/102743.html) > [@](#): > > A researcher has informed U.S. government agencies of a popcorn lover who appears to suffer the same lung effects as people who work with synthetic butter. > [@](#): > > Rose said something about the man’s tests reminded her of workers in food processing exposed to heated diacetyl, which when inhaled over a long period of time, can injure the lungs. > > He had eaten microwave popcorn at least twice a day for more than 10 years and he liked it so much he opened the bag with the steam still coming out so he could inhale the smell, Rose said. > > Rose directed the salesman to stop eating the popcorn and after six months his lung function improved slightly. However, she stressed that this case doesn’t show a definitive causal link but it raises questions and more research is needed. ---
**Author:** ![Santo\_Rugger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Santo\_Rugger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Santo_Rugger)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2008, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-popcorn-how-fucking-dumb-are-you/438263/96 "2008-02-23T07:53:13Z")
[QUOTE=Nutty Bunny] \ God only knows what kind of cancers I’m going to get by standing next to it while I babysit my cooking lunch. :eek: [/QUOTE] You’re kidding, right? Please tell me you’re kidding?? ---
**Author:** ![brujaja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@brujaja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brujaja)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2008, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-popcorn-how-fucking-dumb-are-you/438263/97 "2008-02-23T14:18:34Z")
But **jjimm** … cuttlefish are _PEOPLE!_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-popcorn-how-fucking-dumb-are-you/438263.md?page=4)