# It's pumpkin homicide!
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-pumpkin-homicide/89688
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [October 26, 2001, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-pumpkin-homicide/89688 "2001-10-26T01:53:01Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Kricket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kricket)
#### Post date: [October 26, 2001, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-pumpkin-homicide/89688/1 "2001-10-26T01:53:01Z")
Yes folks it’s that time of year again.
I am taking a break from the mass murder of pumpkins and decided to make you all assories to the crime of the slaughter of innocents.
As I sit here typing with the orange stringy entrails of once whole pumpkins drying on my arms and their pulpy flesh still damp under my nails, I imagine that only too soon will I place my little tea light candle into the body cavities and make them glow and dance in the cool October night air.
I will be up well past the witching hour making my ritualistic carvings into the lovely deep orange that is their skin.
---
### Author:  [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)
#### Post date: [October 26, 2001, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-pumpkin-homicide/89688/2 "2001-10-26T02:01:54Z")
And as we watch the soft glow emanating from their luridly disemboweled corpses, we will laugh. And eat candy.
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### Author:  [@techchick68](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/techchick68)
#### Post date: [October 26, 2001, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-pumpkin-homicide/89688/3 "2001-10-26T02:49:30Z")
I hear pumpkin is great for wrinkly skin…
It was on some health report the local news does, I can’t remember the details but some formula using pumpkin is 'sposed to help reduce wrinkles. Wonder if I should stock pile some pumpkins.
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### Author:  [@Earthling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earthling)
#### Post date: [October 26, 2001, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-pumpkin-homicide/89688/4 "2001-10-26T03:09:16Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Kricket \*
> **I am taking a break from the mass murder of pumpkins and decided to make you all assories to the crime of the slaughter of innocents.**
I don’t wanna be an assory. Maybe a hickory-dickory, but definitely not an assory.
---
### Author:  [@Violet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Violet)
#### Post date: [October 26, 2001, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-pumpkin-homicide/89688/5 "2001-10-26T03:40:50Z")
Definitely do not want to wear the scarlet letter “A” for **assory**! :eek:
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### Author:  [@Kricket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kricket)
#### Post date: [October 26, 2001, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-pumpkin-homicide/89688/6 "2001-10-26T13:27:52Z")
Two down and three to go.
And thanks to the spelling police for pointing out the error of my ways.
My first attempt at a fun thread like this, and then my mood was shot down in flames.
Tech, I hadn’t heard of that, but after last night I can certainly understand how that could be if it is true. My hands and arms were alot softer for a while.
Hey Lizard? Got any candy corn? And thank you.
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### Author:  [@Earthling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earthling)
#### Post date: [October 26, 2001, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-pumpkin-homicide/89688/7 "2001-10-26T13:40:26Z")
We forgive you, **Kricket**. It’s all hunky-dory. 😃
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### Author:  [@Kalashnikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalashnikov)
#### Post date: [October 26, 2001, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-pumpkin-homicide/89688/8 "2001-10-26T16:47:55Z")
You call that homicide? I’ll show ya homicide.
This saturday I am going to the annual pumpkin shoot held at a local range. We are going to vaporize them with machineguns. Very, very messy. It’s a good thing they’re biodegradable!
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### Author:  [@beagledave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beagledave)
#### Post date: [October 26, 2001, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-pumpkin-homicide/89688/9 "2001-10-26T16:56:02Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Kricket \*
> \*\*
> I will be up well past the witching hour making my ritualistic carvings into the lovely deep orange that is their skin. \*\*
I know where you live. I have a baseball bat. I have a keg of homebrew ale that I’ll be tapping into this weekend.
Do the math. 😃
---
### Author:  [@Kricket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kricket)
#### Post date: [October 26, 2001, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-pumpkin-homicide/89688/10 "2001-10-26T19:30:36Z")
Party at Dave’s?
Well, all be all dressed up this Saturday.
All that cleavage, what’s a girl to do. It’s a dress like the one on the people pages.
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### Author:  [@Reeder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reeder)
#### Post date: [October 26, 2001, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-pumpkin-homicide/89688/11 "2001-10-26T20:45:09Z")
No better way to kill a pumpkin than by [Chunking it](http://www.atlanticbreezes.com/punkinchunkin/pumpkia.shtml)
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### Author:  [@Sue\_Duhnym](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sue_Duhnym)
#### Post date: [October 26, 2001, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-pumpkin-homicide/89688/12 "2001-10-26T21:45:56Z")
I, myself, am slaughtering three juveniles later this afternoon.
Though instead of slowly roasting them from the inside, I shall fill them with soured creams and pastes made of ground chickpeas. I delight in eating from their rotting and empty corpses!
That’s right, they’re garnish!
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### Author:  [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)
#### Post date: [October 26, 2001, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-pumpkin-homicide/89688/13 "2001-10-26T21:57:55Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Kricket \*
> \*\*Two down and three to go.
>
> And thanks to the spelling police for pointing out the error of my ways.
> My first attempt at a fun thread like this, and then my mood was shot down in flames.
> \*\*
Aw, you should feel proud! A lot of typos aren’t very interesting. But you stumbled onto a funny one, and everyone is just giving you your props.
---
### Author:  [@Kricket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kricket)
#### Post date: [October 27, 2001, 10:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-pumpkin-homicide/89688/14 "2001-10-27T10:07:35Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Snooooopy \*
> \*\*
> Aw, you should feel proud! A lot of typos aren’t very interesting. But you stumbled onto a funny one, and everyone is just giving you your props. \*\*
Then somebody let me in on the joke, cause I totally missed it.
Somedays the blonde shines throught the red dye.
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### Author:  [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)
#### Post date: [October 27, 2001, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-pumpkin-homicide/89688/15 "2001-10-27T13:49:58Z")
Slimy pumpkin guts…ewwwww! But the seeds, roasted…yummy!
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### Author:  [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)
#### Post date: [October 27, 2001, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-pumpkin-homicide/89688/16 "2001-10-27T14:27:42Z")
“Ooohh … You didn’t tell me you were gonna kill it!”
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### Author:  [@Earthling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earthling)
#### Post date: [October 27, 2001, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-pumpkin-homicide/89688/17 "2001-10-27T16:19:47Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Kricket \*
>
> > [@](#):
> >
> > \*Originally posted by Snooooopy \*
> > Aw, you should feel proud! A lot of typos aren’t very interesting. But you stumbled onto a funny one, and everyone is just giving you your props.
>
> \*\*Then somebody let me in on the joke, cause I totally missed it.
> Somedays the blonde shines throught the red dye. \*\*
Well, I reacted to the “ass” part, so naturally my skewed mind drifted to other parts of the anatomy - and, afterwards, other words & phrases - that can be used in a rhyme-fest with the “ory” part.
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### Author:  [@Kricket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kricket)
#### Post date: [October 27, 2001, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-pumpkin-homicide/89688/18 "2001-10-27T18:37:52Z")
Euty, where do I know that from? You really know how to drive a girl crazy you know that?
Usually we roast the seeds from the pumpkins, and this year I decided not to mess with it telling the heathens that I have tons left over since nobody seems to like them except me.
You would have thought I told them the moon landing was a hoax!
But we came to an agreement that I would go and buy them a small bag, and all is well.
Sue, I had to read the last line of your post a few times before I realised it said garnish not garish!
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### Author:  [@BlackKnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlackKnight)
#### Post date: [October 27, 2001, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-pumpkin-homicide/89688/19 "2001-10-27T19:36:00Z")
I just want to say that I cannot read the title of this thread without giggling. 🙂
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### Author:  [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)
#### Post date: [October 27, 2001, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-pumpkin-homicide/89688/20 "2001-10-27T21:38:54Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Kricket \*
> **Euty, where do I know that from? You really know how to drive a girl crazy you know that?**
“Never jump into a pile of leaves with a wet sucker.”
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