# It's Really, Truly Over After 15 Years **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 11, 2018, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-really-truly-over-after-15-years/808615 "2018-02-11T04:41:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 3\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2018, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-really-truly-over-after-15-years/808615/21 "2018-02-12T08:29:58Z")
> [@fervour](#): > > So here we are 22 years into a relationship and my back flakes out on me. Without going into detail, my back has fused into a single bone. It’s noone’s fault. I know many people have it worse. I don’t want this. I want to be done. But I love my partner; so I have to suffer. Only the infirmed can understand that. People who have had an acute injury understand that the pain will come to an end. They choose to block out the horror or deny the reality of what living in constant pain must be. In the hospital where my father used to work (Purchasing Manager), rooms ending in 06 are very large, kind of in their own little corner, and have nice views which get better as you go higher. They’re the rooms where people wait to die. The last time I went to relieve Mom at Dad’s bedside in 406, I heard that they were talking. “I need you to let me go. I have had a good life, I have done what the Lord put me here to do, I am ready to die, but I need you to let me go.” I don’t know how long will it be until your partner is ready to let you go, but I hope he’ll find that strength before there is no other choice and I hope your end will be as painless as humanly possible. Peace be with you. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2018, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-really-truly-over-after-15-years/808615/22 "2018-02-12T14:34:26Z")
Oh, **fervour.** I’m so very sorry you have to live with such pain. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2018, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-really-truly-over-after-15-years/808615/23 "2018-02-12T17:20:11Z")
> [@asterion](#): > > First, I am not blaming her for the gambling. I chose to do so as a result of being unhappy. The actions were still mine and mine alone. > > Second, I kept telling her for over a year before the gambling ever happened that she could quit and we would be fine even if she didn’t work for a while. That was true then. If it was possible to work together on a plan going forward, it could still be true, as there is still plenty of money coming in from my salary. I can’t run the entire house like I could have previously, but by no means is she the only income. I’ve screwed up, but it could have been worked out. > > Third, I still think I am correct in saying she’s been emotionally abusive. Blaming me for years about her working a job without making any effort on her part to find a new one is not healthy. Claiming that i am not a man, or not a real man, is not healthy. I could probably think of several more. But I know sending me an email at work while she’s working at home that she is going to kill herself and that it’ll be too late when I get there is definitely not healthy. I rushed home that afternoon to find her sitting at her computer working. I spent a fair bit of time on the suicide hotline that afternoon talking about it and what to do going forward. > > So yes. I’ve screwed up. My actions forced a crisis in our relationship. She was willing to continue, but I am not. > > I didn’t do a great job writing the OP. I can’t really make it clear why I’m leaving in a neat and tidy way for this message board. It’s ten years of backstory, of agreements made, and of personal interaction good and bad. I knew some, or many, might disagree with how I see things, and that’s fine. That’s the risk of putting it out there. You were plenty clear, I understood all you wrote. There are people in this thread who understand but do not agree w/ you. It’s not a matter of restating your case, they simply don’t see your POV. Maybe you don’t realize it sounds like you blame her for your unhappiness, eventual gambling problems and for things that neither of you chose to unpack or hang in your new home. You cannot just ‘get off the mortgage’, not even w/ a quitclaim. She’ll have to refinance alone for it to only be in her name. You may be able to get your name off the deed at the county level. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-really-truly-over-after-15-years/808615.md?page=1)