# It's that last damn nail that gets you every time **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 16, 2004, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-last-damn-nail-that-gets-you-every-time/234674 "2004-03-16T18:05:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![MrVisible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@MrVisible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrVisible)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-last-damn-nail-that-gets-you-every-time/234674/1 "2004-03-16T18:05:26Z")
[A modern martyrdom](http://www.pressherald.com/news/state/040316crossguy.shtml) gone horribly wrong. > [@](#): > > Lt. Pierre Boucher said the man took two pieces of wood, nailed them together in the form of a cross and placed them on the floor. He attached a suicide sign to the wood and then proceeded to nail one of his hands to the makeshift cross using a 14-penny nail and a hammer. > > “When he realized that he was unable to nail his other hand to the board, he called 911,” Boucher said. He’s never going to live this one down. For the rest of his life, it’ll be his cross to bear. ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-last-damn-nail-that-gets-you-every-time/234674/2 "2004-03-16T18:45:18Z")
Hmmm. Much as I’d like to chalk this event up to “those wacky fundies,” I’m going to have to call this one “sad” rather than “funny.” This man was obviously (and I say “obviously,” as it was clearly a suicide attempt) mentally unbalanced. In that kind of state, you’re just not going to be rational about things. We can step back and say, “Ha, he thought he was going to get closer to God by crucifying himself.” Would anyone be laughing if he’d attempted suicide in any other manner? Frankly, I think this man deserves help, not derision. ---
**Author:** ![gluteus\_maximus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f17d59/32.png) [@gluteus\_maximus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gluteus_maximus)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-last-damn-nail-that-gets-you-every-time/234674/3 "2004-03-16T19:22:40Z")
> [@](#): > > Police said the man appeared delusional and told them he had been “seeing pictures of God on the computer.” I found [the pictures](http://www.jesusoftheweek.com/art/j2k3-27.jpg)… [both of them!](http://www.jesusoftheweek.com/art/j2k2-33.jpg) He’d better not try to blame the Jews for this! ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-last-damn-nail-that-gets-you-every-time/234674/4 "2004-03-16T20:35:04Z")
What the hell? Hasn’t he heard of Velcro? ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-last-damn-nail-that-gets-you-every-time/234674/5 "2004-03-16T20:36:56Z")
Yeah I gotta go with **Duke** on this one. Poor fucked up guy. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-last-damn-nail-that-gets-you-every-time/234674/6 "2004-03-16T21:07:39Z")
I feel sorry for the guy, too. He’s clearly mentally ill and needs help. But it’s still pretty fucking funny. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-last-damn-nail-that-gets-you-every-time/234674/7 "2004-03-16T21:16:13Z")
> [@Duke](#): > > Frankly, I think this man deserves help, not derision. “It was unclear whether the man was seeking assistance for his injury or help in nailing down his other hand.” So you are favor of the police nailing the other hand down? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Spavined\_Gelding](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@Spavined\_Gelding](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spavined_Gelding)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-last-damn-nail-that-gets-you-every-time/234674/8 "2004-03-16T21:32:17Z")
Current archeological research says that driving the nail through the hand is a bad idea. Keeps tearing out, don’t you know. Best to nail through the wrist. You still need an assistant, however. Do not try this at home. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-last-damn-nail-that-gets-you-every-time/234674/9 "2004-03-16T21:51:05Z")
Did he have any plans to set the cross upright in the ground, or was he planning on bleeding to death from the wrists? ---
**Author:** ![Sofa\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@Sofa\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofa_King)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2004, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-last-damn-nail-that-gets-you-every-time/234674/10 "2004-03-16T23:55:06Z")
[Life imitates the Young Ones](http://www.fortunecity.com/lavendar/hawkslane/231/yo1.html): > [@](#): > > NEIL: Listen everybody. I’ve, uh, stewed up some lentils and some seaweed as a sort of a last positive action. [notices Rick and the crucifix] Hey, Rick, man. What are you doing with my crucifix, man? > > RICK: I’m protesting! > > NEIL: Yeah, but I really think I should lay this one on you, man. That’s a really negative way to kill yourself, you know? Like I’ve tried it hundred of times! There’s no way you can hammer in the last nail. ---
**Author:** ![Club\_33](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@Club\_33](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Club_33)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2004, 8:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-last-damn-nail-that-gets-you-every-time/234674/11 "2004-03-17T08:42:21Z")
It’s obviously sad and tragic when someone is in enough pain that they want to take their own life. His pain shoudn’t be a source of humor. The method however is a different story. The dark side of me does see the humor here. I mean, come on, 10 seconds of logical thought would have enlightened him to the fact that this way just wasn’t going to work. But hey, maybe it was a blessing in disguise. It wasn’t successful. Maybe he can get the help that he needs now. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2004, 11:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-last-damn-nail-that-gets-you-every-time/234674/12 "2004-03-17T11:02:07Z")
> [@Club 33](#): > > But hey, maybe it was a blessing in disguise. It wasn’t successful. Maybe he can get the help that he needs now. I don’t know what kind of therapy is going to stop him from being a dumbass. ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2004, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-last-damn-nail-that-gets-you-every-time/234674/13 "2004-03-17T13:28:24Z")
So, being mentally ill=“dumbass”? :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Bren\_Cameron\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@Bren\_Cameron\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bren_Cameron_1)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2004, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-last-damn-nail-that-gets-you-every-time/234674/14 "2004-03-17T13:54:04Z")
No, thinking you’re going to be able to nail your hand to a board when the other hand is already nailed down=dumbass. Therapy might help the mentally ill part… ---
**Author:** ![LibrarySpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f9ae1b/32.png) [@LibrarySpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LibrarySpy)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2004, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-last-damn-nail-that-gets-you-every-time/234674/15 "2004-03-17T13:59:22Z")
There are plenty of mentally ill people with no inclination to nail themselves to a cross. And there are plenty of people who nail themselves to crosses who aren’t mentally ill. [I see it on CNN every Easter.](http://www.pilot.co.uk/NewFiles/Fests_Penance.html#Anchor-EASTER-35882) Still, after reading the article, my vote is sorrow. He was inside his living room, with a note, it doesn’t seem like a stunt. ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2004, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-last-damn-nail-that-gets-you-every-time/234674/16 "2004-03-17T14:09:59Z")
I’m now trying to think of fun and creative ways to get the job done. Aside from asking a friend to help you out, I mean. (A true friend will give you a hand in this. Or something like that.) My first thought is to use a couple of nail guns with some sort of remote trigger. Put a dummy on the cross (a dummy other than you) in the requisite position and aim and fire the nail guns until you get them just right. Then, climb up onto the cross (switching out the dummies) and fire away! _Voila!_ You now are crucified _and_ the cross is in the upright position! It’s very exciting. ---
**Author:** ![byter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e480ec/32.png) [@byter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/byter)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2004, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-last-damn-nail-that-gets-you-every-time/234674/17 "2004-03-18T14:51:33Z")
Put the nails in first from the back so that the points are still protruding. Impale wrists/hands as desired. ---
**Author:** ![Cuckoorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Cuckoorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cuckoorex)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2004, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-last-damn-nail-that-gets-you-every-time/234674/18 "2004-03-18T21:42:45Z")
He could have saved himself a lot of trouble by following these [handy tips.](http://fleameat.com/articles/xtremepiercing.html)