# It's that time again: Sarcastic answers to GQ questions **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 4, 2009, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252 "2009-05-04T04:12:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252/1 "2009-05-04T04:12:18Z")
**Naval types: What part of the ship is this?** The prow. Duh. **Remind me what happens if I don’t let police search my car?** They do it anyway, only now they’re pissed. **Did doctors really tell pregnant women to smoke?** Yes. They figured it would drum up more business later. **What do penises taste like?** Pretty much the same as any other part of the body. **Do crowns fit?** No, the King of France wore a size 12 crown on his size 8 head, because he couldn’t afford to get it altered. **Watering plants during the day = burning them up?** 😕 Perhaps you’re confusing water with fire. Sarcastic answers to GQ questions need not be accurate, only making fun of a question that lays itself open for it. Do not read or submit answers if pregnant or while operating heavy machinery. Void where prohibited. Hi, Mom! ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252/2 "2009-05-04T05:12:08Z")
What do penises taste like? Human penises or water buffalo penises? ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252/3 "2009-05-04T05:29:09Z")
Moving thread from IMHO to MPSIMS. ---
**Author:** ![firstname](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7ab992/32.png) [@firstname](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/firstname)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252/4 "2009-05-04T06:45:42Z")
**Remind me what happens if I don’t let police search my car?** They add wasting police time to the list of charges. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252/5 "2009-05-04T13:05:37Z")
**Why do some people put water OVER toothpaste?** Because it’s really hard to put water UNDER toothpaste. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252/6 "2009-05-04T13:22:47Z")
**Do crowns fit?** Yeah, unless your dentist is\* really\* freakin’ incompetent. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252/7 "2009-05-04T13:43:47Z")
\*\*Could some military folks clear something up for me regarding combat gear? \*\* Probably. Military folks often know about that kind of thing. \*\* Details Please - How Do They Make Money on Gift Cards? \*\* By selling them. What, you think they give them away for free? \*\*If someone shits in an olympic-size pool, do they have to drain the whole pool? \*\* That’d be only fair, but realistically, it’s a job for a trained sanitation engineer. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252/8 "2009-05-04T13:46:29Z")
\*\*Why are some British nurses called “Sister”? \*\* Because they have silbings. Of course, the male nurses with siblings are called “Brother.” ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252/9 "2009-05-04T13:59:25Z")
\*\*Boxing: soaking one’s fists in vinegar? \*\* No. Boxing: smashing one’s fists into opponent. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252/10 "2009-05-04T14:18:14Z")
**Who was the last Presidential son (child) in the White House?** George W. Bush was the son of George H.W. Bush. D’oh!! **Do unions have any say in what they make?** That’s what collective bargaining is about: they make more per hour with a union contract. \*\*Did republicans ever put forward an alternative budget with numbers? \*\* That’s what they usually used. Writing out “Ten billion nine hundred thirty four million seven hundred twenty-eight thousand four hundred and two dollars and thirty-nine cents” every time you mention a monetary amount gets old awful fast! **So…is Cecil Adams really Ed Zotti?** No, they are both fictitious entities created by **TubaDiva, Lynn Bodoni** , and **CKDexterHavn**. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252/11 "2009-05-04T14:47:23Z")
**Why do people fear .pdf files?** Because every time one is opened, the fabric of the universe are stressed just a little more and the Shuggoth demons are that much closer to invading our world and devouring our souls. **Why do toddlers toddle?** Because if they slithered, they’d be slitherers. **If someone shits in an olympic-size pool, do they have to drain the whole pool?** Of course not. they just freeze it, cut the turd out, then let the rest melt. \*\*Could some military folks clear something up for me regarding combat gear? \*\* No. That information is classified. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252/12 "2009-05-04T15:09:47Z")
\*_Personal debt vs. Government debt_ Government debt is much larger. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252/13 "2009-05-04T15:43:46Z")
**Coffee - harmful for children?** Yes. You give them enough, and you’ll want to beat the snot out of them. **Talking with your eyes closed** Not a problem, because your mouth moves. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252/14 "2009-05-04T15:47:31Z")
\*\*Who was the last Presidential son (child) in the White House? \*\* I betcha a hundred million billon dollars it was George W Bush–he was the son of a President and he was in the White House. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252/15 "2009-05-04T17:20:37Z")
**How to get Bedbugs out of Plush toys** Tell the the real money is in action figures. ---
**Author:** ![Spiff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiff/32/9852_2.png) [@Spiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiff)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252/16 "2009-05-04T17:49:36Z")
**What do penises taste like?** Chicken! ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252/17 "2009-05-04T18:02:41Z")
**How do record labels deal with breakups?** Pretty much like everyone else; they wallow in self pity for a while, then go sign a boy band on the rebound. **Have you guys seen the live kitten cam?** If it’s anything like the dead kitten cam, I’m not interested. ---
**Author:** ![EpicNonsense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c37758/32.png) [@EpicNonsense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EpicNonsense)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252/18 "2009-05-04T18:14:54Z")
**Cable TV in Britain** No, it does not include free porn channels. **Tell me why a timeshare is a bad deal** Because there is a 2 hour property tour included in the price and the tour is strictly necessary at a time when you are on a vacation. Oops… No sarcasm there. **I am out of Hard Drive Space** That’s because you can’t Recycle all of that Trash. **Penetration of 7.62mm ammunition** She won’t feel a thing. **AAAAAAGGGGHHHH! Ants!!** AAAAAAGGGGHHHH! Laziness!!! **Coffee- harmful for children???** **Ambien- will I become dependent???** ---
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252/19 "2009-05-04T19:38:11Z")
**Does the Roman Catholic Church recognize marriage outside of the church?** Yes, marriages outside the church are valid in Hell. **Are wooden counter tops naturally antibacterial?** I don’t know. If you shit on a counter-top, do they have to replace the whole counter? **Talking with your eyes closed.** If you master that, you move up to walking and chewing gum. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2009, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252/20 "2009-05-04T20:10:55Z")
> [@MsRobyn](#): > > \*_Personal debt vs. Government debt_ > > Government debt is much larger. Government debt would win in a fight…unless Personal debt was prepared. **I Hate Batman** I hate people who hate Batman [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252.md?page=2)