# It's that time again: Sarcastic answers to GQ questions **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 4, 2009, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252 "2009-05-04T04:12:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2009, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252/61 "2009-05-17T23:23:35Z")
**Do people really enjoy sleeping? Can you actually enjoy being asleep?** Yes, the tree still makes noise when no one’s around to hear it. **Why 16:9?** Because 4[sup]2[/sup]:3[sup]2[/sup] is harder to type. **Portable, free-standing room air conditioner-good idea or no?** If you’re vacationing in the Sahara, yes. If in Siberia, no. \*\*What is the cheapest website where I can get stock photography? \*\* [rightclickandsaveas.com](http://rightclickandsaveas.com) **What the hell?** Fuck yeah. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2009, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252/62 "2009-05-18T19:54:53Z")
**What ramifications will my scientific breakthrough have?** You’ll probably make one of those crackpot websites people mock and laugh at. **Medicos - Why the paranoia?** Because El Medico might use Muy Tequila to knock you out and El Hacksawo to cut you open. **Where to find gypsy moth infestation predictions?** Gypsy fortunetellers. Where else? **Should NY Subway Tracks [be] Clogged w/ Corpses of Rats who Touched the Third Rail?** They’re clean because of mayor Bloomberg’s program to feed the homeless. **How much damage does rocket exhaust do to the launch platform?** It leaves a 100 ft patch of oil that’s a bitch to clean up. ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2009, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252/63 "2009-05-22T17:29:56Z")
**What causes death in Stage I cancers?** The cancer. **"Kills 99.9% of bacteria!" What about the remaining 0.1%?** Those are the ones that make you sick. **How would you respond to this high school student’s question re torture?** If he’d just _do_ his math homework, we wouldn’t have to go to such extreme lengths. **Annoying fast food drive through practice…** Is it really that hard? They give you instructions at each step. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2009, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252/64 "2009-05-22T20:13:53Z")
**If someone shits in an olympic-size pool, do they have to drain the whole pool?** Depends on how big the shit is, I suppose. **Has anyone got it on in the space station yet?** Don’t tell me: You want to volunteer! \*\*Hebrew transliteration of Irish names \*\* Shlomo O’Leary and I were talking about this just last night at the pub! \*\*Just how smooth is the Earth? \*\* What, you’ve never touched dirt before? **How is the American Revolution taught in British schools?** Grudgingly, if at all. \*\*Are there really still country clubs that OFFICIALLY bar blacks, Jews, etc. \*\* Only the Klan-run ones, and even _they’re_ getting tired of all the lawsuits. \*\*“Running” a marathon, which is more tiring? \*\* You have to give me two alternatives to ask me “which is more.” Sheesh. \*\*Was Thurgood Marshall senile in his last few years on the Supreme Court? \*\* No, he was just annoyed that he was never asked to have sex on the International Space Station. \*\*Why is a woman’s exposed nipple considered nudity? \*\* A simple test: If it’s a part of your mom you wouldn’t want shown in public, it’s nudity. \*\*How can you tell if they rotated your tires? \*\* You can’t. They can do anything they want to, and you’ll never know. Get used to it. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2009, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252/65 "2009-05-22T22:54:56Z")
**What impacts clitoral sensitivity levels?** The pH meter, which stands for “Pussy Hurts.” **Renting an experimental aircraft** You would be considered an experimental pilot. **How can you tell if they rotated your tires?** If they drove your car, they rotated your tires. **Obama’s speech today had wording identical to some of Bush’s speeches. Why?** Obama’s speechwriter found it on the internet for like, really cheap. **Is there a good reason for Bessemer to be in this list?** He bought something with credit and they sold his name. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2009, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252/66 "2009-05-22T23:31:09Z")
**What can I do with a press pass from [examiner.com](http://examiner.com)?** Well, there’s always origami… **Artificial diamonds?** We prefer Standard American bidding, here. From GD: \*\*Possibly the worst idea in history (giving ethics to robots) \*\* Paging Dr. Asimov – That information you requested 68 years ago is finally in! **Why do people refer to illegal aliens as Undocumented?** That way, you don’t have to pay the roaming charges when E.T. phones home. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2009, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252/67 "2009-05-23T00:23:16Z")
Apropos of nothing, this is the most durable thread I’ve ever started. I started it 18 days ago and it’s still plugging along, albeit slowly. ---
**Author:** ![Offkenter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f08c70/32.png) [@Offkenter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Offkenter)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2009, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252/68 "2009-05-23T02:03:33Z")
**Stretching my lobes…pierced too low?** If you mean the Temporal Lobe, then yes. \*\* Need help finding a book\*\* It’s behind the couch \*\* Mistakes were made cleaning up a broken flourescent bulb, what to do now?\*\* Post the video on [Failblog.org](http://Failblog.org) **Renting an experimental aircraft** Tip: Don’t get the ‘Experimental’ Insurance \*\* What are these red marks on my skin? \*\* Shut up and put down the Sharpie **Just how smooth is the Earth?** We’ll let you know when we land **What is the deal with knights standing on top of animals in Medieval portraits?** It was an early version on Extreme Sports **Summer science: How to cool an apartment with a fan?** Turn it on. **Can I teach myself to be a doctor?** Playing Doctor by yourself is called “masturbating” ---
**Author:** ![mascaroni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dc4da7/32.png) [@mascaroni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mascaroni)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2009, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252/69 "2009-05-23T02:30:03Z")
Over in the UK it’s been a standing joke that Americans don’'t understand sarcasm. I didn’t realise it was true. Until I read this thread… ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2009, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252/70 "2009-05-23T02:32:03Z")
**Girls Are Reaching Menarche Earlier. Are Women Reaching Menopause Later?** Yes, thanks to chemicals put in the water by the tampon companies so they can increase sales. \*\*Onto what can you fall from 15K feet without a parachute and survive? \*\* A 14,999 ft tall block of foam. **Just how smooth is the Earth?** As smooth as a billiard ball when falling from 15K feet. **Stretching my lobes…pierced too low?** Yes, if they’re attached to your ankles. **Why own more than 1 credit card?** So you can pay off other credit cards. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2009, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252/71 "2009-05-23T23:50:59Z")
**If everyone on earth suddenly disappeared, what would happen to Boulder (Hover) dam?** Dunno. Nobody would be around to see it. **How do junkies get all this OxyContin?** How do junkies get all this heroin? How do junkies get all this cocaine? How do junkies get all this cough syrup? They find a way. **When will we see fighter UAVs?** Vhen ve give the United Auto Vorkers more veapons. **Has anyone got it on in the space station yet?** Yes, but it was the lone Russian who did a five-year stint because his country couldn’t afford to send a shuttle to pick him up. When they finally arrived, they had to avoid a lot of anti-grav semen spherelets to get to him. **Transporting fragile Christmas ornaments** Here’s a hint: you don’t want to put the fridge on top of them. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2009, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252/72 "2009-05-25T12:34:22Z")
**What is being a friend on the SDMB mean?** That you am seeing what they am posting. **NiMH or NiCD batteries?** NiMH, if you want to make your rats smarter. **Will my Kindle work in Canada if I live near the US border?** Should burn just as well there. **Did Libraries Ever Have “Sharing” Issues Like Todays P2P Networks?** Just with spatial physics, since a book could only be checked out by one person at a time. **Are we one year and a few dozen scientists away from global famine?** Doing all that science stuff makes them really hungry. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2009, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252/73 "2009-05-28T17:24:22Z")
**Was Dr. Seuss on heroin?** If you’ve read his material, you’d know it was acid. **Cleaning sterling silver jewelry with gemstones** Silver polish would do a better job. **Can I put a dimmer switch on my pool pump?** You could put a gasoline engine on a dog, but I doubt either one would work very well. **Basement flooded: need help fast!** Start swimming. **Water heater mystery** The furnace did it. **Bloody moles** Beheaded chipmunks. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2009, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252/74 "2009-05-29T08:02:29Z")
\*\*Whats the logic behind “click it or ticket?” \*\* If ‘Click’ Then Continue Else ‘Ticket’ End-if **Where Is FIAT Getting the Money?** If I told you, you would have to go sleep with the fishes. 😉 \*\*What happens to veins of drug addicts? \*\* They get needles poked in them. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-that-time-again-sarcastic-answers-to-gq-questions/495252.md?page=3)