# It's time to officially Pit Joe Paterno and the Penn State football program. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 7, 2011, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167 "2011-11-07T14:23:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 183
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2012, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/3642 "2012-06-14T13:47:23Z")
> [@Jack\_Batty](#): > > Nice work, Nostradomus. I think most of us figured that out some where around “rhythmic slapping sounds.” Speaking of which, where has our celebrated experimenter gotten off to? Family members walked in to find him making rough love to the Brawny guy and had him forcibly committed? ---
**Author:** ![Barkis\_is\_Willin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a183cd/32.png) [@Barkis\_is\_Willin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barkis_is_Willin)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2012, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/3643 "2012-06-14T13:47:24Z")
> [@Jack\_Batty](#): > > Nice work, Nostradomus. I think most of us figured that out some where around “rhythmic slapping sounds.” Hey, after that vaguely suspicious jury selection some people thought he might have had a prayer. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2012, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/3644 "2012-06-14T18:08:50Z")
> [@Jack\_Batty](#): > > Nice work, Nostradomus. I think most of us figured that out some where around “rhythmic slapping sounds.” But “two or three sounds” aren’t _really_ rhythmic! Duh. ---
**Author:** ![Cheshire\_Human](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Cheshire\_Human](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheshire_Human)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2012, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/3645 "2012-06-14T21:50:52Z")
> [@R.P.McMurphy](#): > > It seems to me that Sandusky has very incompetent legal representation. No, his good legal representation has an incompetent client. It goes something like this: GL: They’ve got you dead to rights. I suggest you take the plea deal. IC: But I’m innocent! I refuse to cop a plea to something I’m innocent of! GL: Come on, 52 counts, all those witnesses, you can’t _possibly_ expect me to believe you’re innocent. IC: Just take it to trial. What do you think I’m paying you for. GL: 52 COUNTS! I’ll be doing damn good if I can hold you down to “guilty” on only a quarter of them! That’s 13 counts and 20 years in prison! IC: Just do it… GL: I’ll do my best. :GL does his best, Jury says guilty on 8 counts, surprising GL immensely. IC spends next 12 years getting _his_ ass rammed by his cellmate: ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2012, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/3646 "2012-06-15T02:11:27Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Hester Prynne actually did commit adultery. She was treated horribly by a lot of hypocrites because of it, but if you’re trying to argue for Sandusky’s innocence that’s not the example you want to use. Also, it was the court, not the mob, that ordered her to wear the Scarlett Letter. It’s not a good example of an emotional lynch mob, either. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2012, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/3647 "2012-06-15T07:21:10Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Speaking of which, where has our celebrated experimenter gotten off to? Family members walked in to find him making rough love to the Brawny guy and had him forcibly committed? To summon the extra-dimensional horror known as Starv Ingartist is a simple but difficult feat. On the anniversary of the day that music died, you must stare into your bathroom mirror and say his name three times. Then, tie an onion to your belt, stare back into the mirror, and announce proudly and truly that the kids are alright. He’s kinda like an old-fogey Candlejack in that he never ---
**Author:** ![tagos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@tagos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tagos)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2012, 9:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/3648 "2012-06-15T09:58:20Z")
> [@Drain\_Bead](#): > > The problem with any plea deal is that anything he copped to would essentially mean life in prison anyway, so that leaves them very little to lose by going to trial. Plus, if Sandusky chooses to continue denying the allegations, his defense team has no choice but to try the case, no matter how much of a dead-dog loser the case happens to be. They are just playing it cool. You wait until in closing when the defence theatrically whips out a cardboard tube, crouches a little and turns the whole case on its head. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2012, 10:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/3649 "2012-06-15T10:00:04Z")
> [@tagos](#): > > They are just playing it cool. You wait until in closing when the defence theatrically whips out a cardboard tube, crouches a little and turns the whole case on its head. Oh, so _that’s_ how you get it to fit. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2012, 11:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/3650 "2012-06-15T11:15:18Z")
> [@tagos](#): > > They are just playing it cool. You wait until in closing when the defence theatrically whips out a cardboard tube, crouches a little and turns the whole case on its head. No no no. You bring in a Wooky from Endor to do the crouching. At least thats how a legal dream team would do it. ---
**Author:** ![tagos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@tagos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tagos)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2012, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/3651 "2012-06-15T11:34:20Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > No no no. You bring in a Wooky from Endor to do the crouching. At least thats how a legal dream team would do it. No! Wookies have strong calf muscles. Much stronger than normal humans, whose calf muscles are completely unable to maintain the pose required for any teaching a student how to shower session to extend long enough for any sounds to be characterised as rhythmic. ---
**Author:** ![Barkis\_is\_Willin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a183cd/32.png) [@Barkis\_is\_Willin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barkis_is_Willin)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2012, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/3652 "2012-06-15T13:43:27Z")
> [@Autolycus](#): > > To summon the extra-dimensional horror known as Starv Ingartist is a simple but difficult feat. On the anniversary of the day that music died, you must stare into your bathroom mirror and say his name three times. Then, tie an onion to your belt, stare back into the mirror, and announce proudly and truly that the kids are alright. > > He’s kinda like an old-fogey Candlejack in that he never Nah, he’s just on jury duty and not allowed to discuss this case anymore. ---
**Author:** ![tagos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@tagos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tagos)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2012, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/3653 "2012-06-15T14:43:29Z")
> [@Barkis\_is\_Willin](#): > > Nah, he’s just on jury duty and not allowed to discuss this case anymore. ‘And as jury deliberations extend into the third day new has just come in that they have requested 12 cardboard tubes, 12 adolescent boys aged 10-14 and a bar of soap.’ ---
**Author:** ![MOIDALIZE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@MOIDALIZE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MOIDALIZE)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2012, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/3654 "2012-06-15T14:48:22Z")
Hey, check out Tickle Monster’s [grotesque thumb](http://media.pennlive.com/patriot-news/photo/2012/06/11137054-large.jpg). If I have to know about it, so do you. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2012, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/3655 "2012-06-15T14:52:56Z")
> [@tagos](#): > > They are just playing it cool. You wait until in closing when the defence theatrically whips out a cardboard tube, crouches a little and turns the whole case on its head. Hmm. Actually, that might answer my question about where **SA** is. _Your honor, the defense calls to the stand our sole expert witness!_ ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2012, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/3656 "2012-06-15T14:53:40Z")
> [@albeit](#): > > okay I came here as I googled how a 6’3" man with his arm around said boy with his hands up against wall can bugger a small ten year old? I’ll bet you were hoping for a result from WikiHow. ---
**Author:** ![tagos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@tagos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tagos)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2012, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/3657 "2012-06-15T14:54:27Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Hmm. Actually, that might answer my question about where **SA** is. > > _Your honor, the defense calls to the stand our sole expert witness!_ I would so pay good money for that to happen. Not my money you understand, but good money nevertheless. ---
**Author:** ![MOIDALIZE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@MOIDALIZE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MOIDALIZE)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2012, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/3658 "2012-06-15T15:00:52Z")
Speaking of poor legal representation… > [@](#): > > “I just went with it,” he said. “There was no fighting against it. … Sometimes [I’d] scream. Sometimes tell him to get off of me. But other than that, he was there, you were in a basement, no one can hear you down there.” > > \*\*“Did you ever bleed?” Sandusky’s defense attorney, Joe Amendola asked later on cross-examination. > \*\* > “Yes,” the witness said, in a chilling tone so matter-of-fact it was heartbreaking. “I just dealt with it. I have a different way of coping with things.” Why the fuck would you ask a question like that? ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2012, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/3659 "2012-06-15T15:11:59Z")
Because the next line was, “Your honor, I’d like to place into evidence Alice Cooper’s 1975 hit, ‘Only Women Bleed.’” You see, he’s not a very good lawyer. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2012, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/3660 "2012-06-15T15:41:26Z")
I was \*wondering \*what had happened to Lionel Hutz. ---
**Author:** ![MOIDALIZE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@MOIDALIZE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MOIDALIZE)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2012, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/3661 "2012-06-15T15:46:55Z")
“I move for a bad…court…thingy.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167.md?page=182) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167.md?page=184)