# It's time to officially Pit Joe Paterno and the Penn State football program. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 7, 2011, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167 "2011-11-07T14:23:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 312
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2013, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/6223 "2013-01-09T18:58:16Z")
Forget it - he’s paper-towel-rolling. ---
**Author:** ![Cheshire\_Human](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Cheshire\_Human](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheshire_Human)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2013, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/6224 "2013-01-09T19:47:32Z")
OK, y’all have convinced me. Let’s see if I can get back on that roll… Ummm Joe Paterno is the “Christ”, and Jerry Sandusky is “Judas”. And… umm… it ain’t working. My muse has abandoned me. Maybe I should pull out a paper towel tube, and try to fuck it. ---
**Author:** ![CannyDan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cannydan/32/548_2.png) [@CannyDan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CannyDan)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2013, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/6225 "2013-01-09T20:53:42Z")
> [@Cheshire\_Human](#): > > Maybe I should pull out a paper towel tube, and try to fuck it. But you can’t! Not without grabbing your ankles! Or grabbing… his…? ankles?..?..?.. or… …something… Well, anyway, you can’t! And that \*proves \*it! So - - - WINNING! ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2013, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/6226 "2013-01-09T22:39:30Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > Forget it - he’s paper-towel-rolling. FTW! ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/6227 "2013-01-10T00:34:11Z")
\*They see me RO-llin’… in muh showah…\* ---
**Author:** ![NoLittlePlans](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/8797f3/32.png) [@NoLittlePlans](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoLittlePlans)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2013, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/6228 "2013-01-14T23:11:24Z")
Been thinking abt a long-shot possibility… No matter what, Jerry Sandusky is guilty. But in terms of other people and their complicity… What appears to the outside world as a failure to act against child rape, there is a potential explanation that would justify misinterpreting/underestimating the severity of the situation. It was just a theory for a few weeks until today, and it’s still far from unproven, but a couple essential preliminary facts match up with the theory. It’s all out there on google, but they’re not interconnected so you have to piece certain facts together… like reconstructing a broken glass. Doesn’t make sense now, I know, but I’m in a huge rush to run out the door. Not sure if I should get into specifics because in the (unlikely) event that the theory is right, it could impact how the upcoming perjury trials play out for Tim Curley, Gary Schultz, Graham Spanier and Mike McQueary. Wonder if anyone’s kind of knowing where I’m going with this. I’ll be back. ---
**Author:** ![CannyDan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cannydan/32/548_2.png) [@CannyDan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CannyDan)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2013, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/6229 "2013-01-14T23:14:33Z")
> [@NoLittlePlans](#): > > Wonder if anyone’s kind of knowing where I’m going with this. Out to buy some paper towels? ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/6230 "2013-01-15T00:32:10Z")
> [@NoLittlePlans](#): > > Been thinking abt a long-shot possibility… > No matter what, Jerry Sandusky is guilty. > But in terms of other people and their complicity… > What appears to the outside world as a failure to act against child rape, there is a potential explanation that would justify misinterpreting/underestimating the severity of the situation. > It was just a theory for a few weeks until today, and it’s still far from unproven, but a couple essential preliminary facts match up with the theory. It’s all out there on google, but they’re not interconnected so you have to piece certain facts together… like reconstructing a broken glass. > Doesn’t make sense now, I know, but I’m in a huge rush to run out the door. > > Not sure if I should get into specifics because in the (unlikely) event that the theory is right, it could impact how the upcoming perjury trials play out for Tim Curley, Gary Schultz, Graham Spanier and Mike McQueary. > > Wonder if anyone’s kind of knowing where I’m going with this. I’ll be back. In the time it took you to type that, you could have just said what the hell you were thinking. What is it with some people that they think we’re all just waiting on the edge of our seats for them to reveal their brilliance? If you’ve got something to say, say it, and let it sink or swim among all the other ideas presented here. You just aren’t that special. ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 9:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/6231 "2013-01-15T09:32:32Z")
> [@NoLittlePlans](#): > > Wonder if anyone’s kind of knowing where I’m going with this. I’ll be back. No … you don’t mean! It can’t be! You’re not even using exclamation points!!! ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 9:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/6232 "2013-01-15T09:40:25Z")
\*But the \*\*real \*_child molester is…is…is… \…is…_ ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/6233 "2013-01-15T11:00:09Z")
Whoever’s directing this is a master of suspense! ---
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/6234 "2013-01-15T13:05:33Z")
The Butt-ler did it. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/6235 "2013-01-15T13:56:05Z")
Offered without comment (but only because I couldn’t think of one). [Link](http://gizmodo.com/5975781/recycling-can-actually-be-fun-with-a-paper-towel-tube-building-set). (It’s safe to click on, I swear.) ---
**Author:** ![MOIDALIZE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@MOIDALIZE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MOIDALIZE)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/6236 "2013-01-15T17:24:54Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > \*But the \*\*real \*_child molester is…is…is… \…is…_ […is…](http://ibdp.huluim.com/video/16612523?size=512x288) ---
**Author:** ![Crotalus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crotalus/32/41_2.png) [@Crotalus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crotalus)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/6237 "2013-01-15T17:40:35Z")
> [@NoLittlePlans](#): > > I’m in a huge rush to run out the door. That was 18 hours ago. I think he’s been kidnapped. ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Gay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/3ab097/32.png) [@Enola\_Gay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Gay)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/6238 "2013-01-15T19:52:25Z")
Nah, I think he’s just biking around the lake, or perhaps has gone down to the 7-11 to get some chocolate covered cherries. In any case, I hope he returns soon as the anxiety and tension from his cliffhanger post is unbearable. ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/6239 "2013-01-15T20:04:19Z")
OK, here’s my guess as to NLP’s theory. Consider the following facts: [ul] [li]Sandusky had been sacked by PSU and JP.[/li][li]Sandusky has been described as being “like an overgrown kid”.[/li][li]If Sandusky molested kids on the PSU campus, that could damage PSU.[/li][/ul] Putting these “out there on google” but “not interconnected” facts together, the idea is that the others suspected that Sandusky was not a molestor but was deliberately faking being a molestor in order to take revenge on PSU and JP for ending his football career. Naturally they couldn’t report him, because that would be just falling into his clever trap. They decided to outsmart him by _not_ reporting him. Arguing in favor of this being the theory is the fact that NLP has said this theory is a “long shot” and “unlikely” to be true - this certainly fits the bill on those counts. But I could be wrong … ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/6240 "2013-01-16T23:08:05Z")
**F-P** , the mere fact that you could come up with a plausible explanation of our little friend’s theory is… disturbing. You have swum too long in these fetid waters, swum too far out from the shoreline of sanity. Come back, come back, before it’s too late! What also worries me is that I found myself nodding and musing, “Hmmmm, that does sound likely.” ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/6241 "2013-01-16T23:18:17Z")
Well if it sounds likely then it can’t be NLP’s theory. He said his was unlikely. So let’s try another. Truth is that the whole thing was an undercover operation. Curley & Schultz, in their capacity of heads of security & personel, set the whole thing up as a test of their abuse-reporting system - they were testing McQueary to see if he would report it or not. JP and Sandusky himself were in on the test. Sandusky wasn’t supposed to actually molest the kid, of course. But being - unbeknownst to them - a pedophile all along, he did it for real. Naturally, when it got reported up to these men, they assumed that Sandusky had not actually molested the kid, and they considered the test a success. So they didn’t need to do anything further, other than fob off McQueary somehow or other. Which they were very successful at. And the rest is history … ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167/6242 "2013-01-16T23:22:57Z")
Man, that’s good! You have a promising future in generating truther theories, I can see that now. Have you picked out a name for your newsletter yet? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167.md?page=311) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-time-to-officially-pit-joe-paterno-and-the-penn-state-football-program/602167.md?page=313)