# It's unfortunate that I had to burn my house down **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 2, 2013, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-unfortunate-that-i-had-to-burn-my-house-down/667815 "2013-09-02T16:46:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2013, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-unfortunate-that-i-had-to-burn-my-house-down/667815/1 "2013-09-02T16:46:01Z")
But I found [this girl](http://imgur.com/a/3EBST) in the bathtub. She was as big as a Buick. Was. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2013, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-unfortunate-that-i-had-to-burn-my-house-down/667815/2 "2013-09-02T16:47:42Z")
Dude, burning the house down was a clear overreaction. A shotgun should have been sufficient. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2013, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-unfortunate-that-i-had-to-burn-my-house-down/667815/3 "2013-09-02T17:24:25Z")
On a slightly related tangent, this thread made me realize that I haven’t seen a reference here to tubgirl in YEARS. Yay. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2013, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-unfortunate-that-i-had-to-burn-my-house-down/667815/4 "2013-09-02T17:28:41Z")
You did the right thing. ---
**Author:** ![Equipoise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/equipoise/32/151_2.png) [@Equipoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Equipoise)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2013, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-unfortunate-that-i-had-to-burn-my-house-down/667815/5 "2013-09-02T17:29:29Z")
Bob, where do you live that you would even HAVE such a monster in hour house?? > [@Oakminster](#): > > Dude, burning the house down was a clear overreaction. A shotgun should have been sufficient. Uh uh, he might have missed, blowing a hole in the bathtub, the kick causing the spider to jump up onto his face and latching on, causing him to fire wildly, causing a chunk of ceiling to fall on his head, causing him to pass out, giving the spider free reign to do whatever he wants to Bob’s unconscience body. Burning the house down is much safer. ---
**Author:** ![TheChileanBlob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thechileanblob/32/435_2.png) [@TheChileanBlob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheChileanBlob)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2013, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-unfortunate-that-i-had-to-burn-my-house-down/667815/6 "2013-09-02T17:30:49Z")
Awwww. She’s beautiful! Ya big baby! ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2013, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-unfortunate-that-i-had-to-burn-my-house-down/667815/7 "2013-09-02T17:32:19Z")
Wait, I’m not clear on the concept: You were afraid that such a valuable asset would increase your assessment too much and you couldn’t afford the property taxes? Just hide the spider when the tax assessor comes by, and enjoy her presence (and her free mosquito-hunting services) the rest of the time. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2013, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-unfortunate-that-i-had-to-burn-my-house-down/667815/8 "2013-09-02T17:54:44Z")
> [@Equipoise](#): > > Bob, where do you live that you would even HAVE such a monster in hour house?? Evanston!!! ---
**Author:** ![CLee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f19dbf/32.png) [@CLee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CLee)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2013, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-unfortunate-that-i-had-to-burn-my-house-down/667815/9 "2013-09-02T18:17:30Z")
I may have you beat. I thought this beast was a mouse running across my foot. [http://i.imgur.com/F5UsUVe.jpg](http://imgur.com/F5UsUVe) And yes, that’s a quarter. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2013, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-unfortunate-that-i-had-to-burn-my-house-down/667815/10 "2013-09-02T18:24:15Z")
Looks like a [giant house spider](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giant_house_spider). I catch a few of them every autumn. They’re harmless. I’ve posted this before, but [here’s one I caught a couple of years ago](http://www.flickr.com/photos/27492458@N05/6102270164/). Yes, I still cook in that baking dish. ---
**Author:** ![Bob\_Blaylock](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bob_blaylock/32/3235_2.png) [@Bob\_Blaylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bob_Blaylock)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2013, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-unfortunate-that-i-had-to-burn-my-house-down/667815/11 "2013-09-02T18:37:42Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > But I found [this girl](http://imgur.com/a/3EBST) in the bathtub. She was as big as a Buick. Was. Not a girl. See the swollen pedipalps (the shorter appendages, in front, that aren’t legs)? This is a male spider, ready to mate; and probably looking for a suitable girl spider. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2013, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-unfortunate-that-i-had-to-burn-my-house-down/667815/12 "2013-09-02T18:38:48Z")
> [@CLee](#): > > I may have you beat. I thought this beast was a mouse running across my foot. [http://i.imgur.com/F5UsUVe.jpg](http://imgur.com/F5UsUVe) > > And yes, that’s a quarter. Holy Fuck! That thing was last seen protecting the space near Za’ha’dum. ---
**Author:** ![CLee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f19dbf/32.png) [@CLee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CLee)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2013, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-unfortunate-that-i-had-to-burn-my-house-down/667815/13 "2013-09-02T18:38:51Z")
My little buddy is a fishing spider, driven to higher ground by the rainy season. [http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Fishing\_spider.jpg](http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Fishing_spider.jpg) I could actually \*hear \* his footsteps as she ran across the floor. ---
**Author:** ![Pine\_Fresh\_Scent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/43a26b/32.png) [@Pine\_Fresh\_Scent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pine_Fresh_Scent)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2013, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-unfortunate-that-i-had-to-burn-my-house-down/667815/14 "2013-09-02T18:45:21Z")
This has been cracking me up for a few days: Off camera voice: “We need to find him a female bug.” Giant water beetle: “No my dear, you’ll do nicely.” [Cue classic horror scream](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Uk6-iiVb0Y&) ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2013, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-unfortunate-that-i-had-to-burn-my-house-down/667815/15 "2013-09-02T18:46:58Z")
I think you acted wisely. We had a female dark fishing spider out in the barn a couple years ago and I photographed her and later pinned a ruler to the same spot, matched details in the wood grain by superimposing the photos, and got 97 mm as her leg span. I had to shoo her away with a broom while Mrs. Napier was watching, smash her to pulp as soon as Mrs. Napier turned her back, burn and bulldoze the barn and have the spot paved over, and move away. ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2013, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-unfortunate-that-i-had-to-burn-my-house-down/667815/16 "2013-09-02T18:47:28Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Dude, burning the house down was a clear overreaction. A shotgun should have been sufficient. When they are the size of a Buick, a shotgun would only piss it off. ---
**Author:** ![chacoguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/50afbb/32.png) [@chacoguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chacoguy)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2013, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-unfortunate-that-i-had-to-burn-my-house-down/667815/17 "2013-09-02T18:48:59Z")
> [@CLee](#): > > I could actually \*hear \* his footsteps as she ran across the floor. I suspect that you could hear _everyone’s_ footsteps, running. ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2013, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-unfortunate-that-i-had-to-burn-my-house-down/667815/18 "2013-09-02T20:32:45Z")
> [@Bob\_Blaylock](#): > > This is a male spider, ready to mate; and probably looking for a suitable girl spider. Or, in a pinch, your ear while you’re asleep. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2013, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-unfortunate-that-i-had-to-burn-my-house-down/667815/19 "2013-09-02T20:35:35Z")
> [@Sattua](#): > > Or, in a pinch, your ear while you’re asleep. _becomes insomniac. Permanently._ ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2013, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-unfortunate-that-i-had-to-burn-my-house-down/667815/20 "2013-09-02T20:57:12Z")
You probably should have waited until it climbed up the water spout… Check your ears…I have heard they lay eggs in your ear drums while you are asleep. Pleasant dreams. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/its-unfortunate-that-i-had-to-burn-my-house-down/667815.md?page=2)