# I've been fucked by an "America's Dumbest Criminals" candidate **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 7, 2003, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-fucked-by-an-americas-dumbest-criminals-candidate/159671 "2003-03-07T05:59:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Flashpaper\_Tiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Flashpaper\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flashpaper_Tiger)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2003, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-fucked-by-an-americas-dumbest-criminals-candidate/159671/41 "2003-03-08T06:49:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Johnny L.A. \* > \*\*I agree with **Flashpaper Tiger**. Sue him for the damages. You may not get any money out of it, and you’ll have to pay filing costs. (I think it’s like $140 in L.A.) But you could at least have the satisfaction of causing him just a little discomfort. > \*\* Geez - LA is expensive - last time I filed in small claims court in my big-city suburb it was only $18. Well worth it. It’s a small investment - which you can build into your total damages as “court costs”. ---
**Author:** ![pantom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/34f0e0/32.png) [@pantom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pantom)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2003, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-fucked-by-an-americas-dumbest-criminals-candidate/159671/42 "2003-03-08T07:10:08Z")
Let’s see. I’ve had (in descending order of value, and each in separate incidents): 1 - The entire car stolen. 2 - The Blaupunkt radio. 3 - Two tires. 4 - Miscellaneous stuff from inside. 5 - The gas line slashed so that the thief could steal the gas from the car. That last one really got to me. Just totally bizarre. ---
**Author:** ![d\_redguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5fc32e/32.png) [@d\_redguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/d_redguy)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2003, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-fucked-by-an-americas-dumbest-criminals-candidate/159671/43 "2003-03-08T07:28:03Z")
All these stories make me think that there is some sort of twisted scavenger hunt going on. I mean, take a look at the list thus far: $0.70 in dimes portable CD player that was held together with a rubber band book of mix CDs burned by RexDart two packs of Kool cigarettes steal the tires and drop the car off the jacks, totalling it a very heavy box full of new padlocks a few dollars worth of change from a soda machine one wheel from car (prop car up on toolbox) golf clubs cassette tape of Zamfir, Master of the Pan Flute Some CD’s - a few without the CD cases. jewelry chest with had cheap costume jewelry (sentimental value worth more) desktop computer speakers pillowcases (lock little chihuahua outside for the day) Jade Monkey Blaupunkt car stereo cheap Sears car radio a can of orange juice (frozen) entire home theater, TV and all, and most of the speakers (minus subwoofer) Playstation1 Playstation1 games movie/music collection some clothes VCR (no remote) insured bicycle Steal car (smoke lots of Weed in it) mini cassette recorder (undetermined amount of cash) passenger DOOR of car 1 Pocket Knife (about $30) 1 dollar of parking change and the remote control thingy for car stereo (must be absolutely useless to anyone else) $200 pair of running shoes (leave old shoes in place) two rolls of quarters mid-80s Buick LeSabre, shit brown Jade Monkey (redux) a buttwind instrument car stereo from man of weight 270 lbs. and height 6’ 7" one $10 pair sunglasses gym bag with $1 flip-flops and mildewed swimsuit guitar boom box telephone (cordless) rings from jewelry box (antique) laundry quarters half a box of condoms a roll of toilet paper (be sure to take shower) a little jar full of quarters (reserved for laundry use) a fake diamond ring rock albums (NO COUNTRY PLEASE!) Jade Monkey, maps and ice-scraper entire car Blaupunkt radio. Two tires. Miscellaneous stuff The gas line slashed so that the thief could steal the gas from the car Conclusion: Lots of Dopers do their laundry outside the house. (note: I am not minimizing how bad this all sucks. Sorry to all who have been robbed/vandalized) :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2003, 9:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-fucked-by-an-americas-dumbest-criminals-candidate/159671/44 "2003-03-08T09:25:21Z")
Reverse rant: When I was 14, my dad returned from a business trip with some gold jewelry for me and my mom. My mom got all in a dither: “Where can we hide this so thieves won’t find it?..No, not in the freezer: they know about that! No, not in the linen closet; they know about that! No, not there! Not there! No, no no!” Finally, pissed, I threw it in my underwear drawer. After guffawing about how I could hide gold bullion in my brassieres (I probably could ;)), my mom left, still chuckling. Here’s the catch, though: We lived in a **very** remote area. It was also a rural area; not the kind of place criminals went in search of gold jewelry. It was the kind of place criminals would go to rape and murder. If anyone had broken in, one of two things would have happened. If we hadn’t been home, they would have torn the entire house apart, more for the hell of it than for the possible benefit of two necklaces and a pair of earrings. If we had been home, we would simply have been dead. Probably the VCR would have been taken as a bonus. But we could have left this everlasting jewelry on the hallway table for all the difference it would have made. (I ditto the condolences to those who have been robbed and vandalized.) ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2003, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-fucked-by-an-americas-dumbest-criminals-candidate/159671/45 "2003-03-09T02:40:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mangetout \* > \*\*I think following this (Tristan’s) advice could well land you in trouble with the law yourself. \*\* Indeed it does. A former co-worker of mine put razor blades in the rubber at the top of her wiindow when she suspected someone was trying to get their fingers up in there to pry the window down. One morning she found blood streaked down the window from the would-be thief’s attempt and she called the police to file a report. When the cop arrived and took a look, she got in deep doo-doo for her booby trap. She had to pay quite a hefty fine. ---
**Author:** ![NinjaChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2003, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-fucked-by-an-americas-dumbest-criminals-candidate/159671/46 "2003-03-09T03:11:13Z")
A friend of mine just had a minor break-in at their house. Her father is a work-at-home computer geek: they have two desktops (a mac and a Dell, I believe), and a brand-new Apple laptop. Bigscreen TV, several CD players, huge amounts of jewelery (dad is a very successful computer geek). What the burglers took: Their Disney DVDs and videos. Left all the SF and action and drama flicks, only took the Disney ones. Her 2-foot-tall stuffed SpongeBob. A mirror A box of blank floppy disks A throw rug, which they threw into the street and left. The toaster (because, you know, those blackmarket toaster prices…) Then they discovered the bathroom. They took every towel from the house, and all the soap. And…the toilet seat. I can’t imagine for the life of me taking a box of floppies from the office, but leaving the laptop, the two computers, the flatscreen monitors, the high-end speakers… But I wanna know if I’m missing out on the blackmarket sales of toilet seats. Really. Robbers are stupid. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2003, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-fucked-by-an-americas-dumbest-criminals-candidate/159671/47 "2003-03-09T16:19:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Eats\_Crayons \* > \*\*Indeed it does. A former co-worker of mine put razor blades in the rubber at the top of her wiindow when she suspected someone was trying to get their fingers up in there to pry the window down. > > One morning she found blood streaked down the window from the would-be thief’s attempt and she called the police to file a report. > > When the cop arrived and took a look, she got in deep doo-doo for her booby trap. She had to pay quite a hefty fine. \*\* I don’t understand this. It’s her car. As long as she’s not mounting an Uzi over the trunk to menace tailgaters, who cares what she puts above her window? The only person who would get hurt is someone who’s up to no good. Why can’t you be allowed to protect your property with booby traps? Note, I am not talking about installing a moat around your house stocked with alligators, where a wandering child could fall in. This is something out of the way that you would only encounter if you were intent on criminal activity. ---
**Author:** ![Madame\_Zelda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Madame\_Zelda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Madame_Zelda)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2003, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-fucked-by-an-americas-dumbest-criminals-candidate/159671/48 "2003-03-09T16:53:54Z")
A few years back, I was moving into a new apartment in the same complex I’d been living in for 5 years. Got burglarized on Monday (they only took the TV & power drill), cops came out & filed a report and looked for signs of forced entry - none found, so changed the locks. Tuesday, burgaled again. This time, stereo, vcr, camcorder - poof. Same cops come out, still no forced entry, so cops put “police bars” in all windows & sliding glass doors. Wednesday, yep - again. This time the cops were stumped as to why the thief would steal the police bars, since they’d manage to COMPLETELY EMPTY my apartment. Furniture and all!!! EVERYTHING, gone forever. Even my clothes. Thursday rolls around, and I’m thinkin’ I’m pretty safe, since all that’s left me is the clothes on my back, but nnnoooooo. Cops had to come out to file a report that now my windows, doors, and carpet are history - not to be found ANYWHERE! What the hell were they going to do with my WINDOWS for the love of Pete?!? Is there a black market for crappy, rose-colored, apartment-style (read really ishy) carpet?!? And, of course, renter’s insurance wouldn’t cover anything because they said I’d been negligent and not properly securing my belongings in my apartment! Of course I was neglegent! I had no windows!! Dumb fucks! ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2003, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-fucked-by-an-americas-dumbest-criminals-candidate/159671/49 "2003-03-09T21:06:25Z")
RE: booby traps, it’s my understanding that they are in fact illegal, and can land you in trouble. You cannot assume that the ‘only’ reason some one might be trying to get your car windows down is for nefarious activity. and therein lies the problem. The case I recall was some one who’d boobytrapped a hunting cabin, point was made that if it were on fire or a police official needed to gain access, they would be harmed by the booby trap. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2003, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-fucked-by-an-americas-dumbest-criminals-candidate/159671/50 "2003-03-09T23:05:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tommyturtle \* > \*\*BTW my friend was at the time 270 and 6’ 7" he got his stuff back without paying… \*\* It’s heartwarming to hear about the very elderly still being treated with respect. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-fucked-by-an-americas-dumbest-criminals-candidate/159671.md?page=2)