# I've Been Happily Married, No Children. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 15, 2013, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-happily-married-no-children/650346 "2013-02-15T00:15:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2013, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-happily-married-no-children/650346/41 "2013-02-15T04:24:02Z")
> [@keturah](#): > > Love it! The ‘aww, shucks ma’am, I didn’t mean it!’ defense. That is right. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2013, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-happily-married-no-children/650346/42 "2013-02-15T06:39:47Z")
I don’t know about you guys, but I’m waiting for **pchaos** to come back in and misdefine something. It would improve the quality of the thread. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2013, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-happily-married-no-children/650346/43 "2013-02-15T06:55:52Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > I don’t know about you guys, but I’m waiting for **pchaos** to come back in and misdefine something. I don’t know about you but I’m waiting for him to be banned. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2013, 7:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-happily-married-no-children/650346/44 "2013-02-15T07:55:49Z")
> [@pchaos](#): > > And they’ve often told me that having children changes everything. I’ve always been afraid to ask them what they meant by this. I suppose, I’m afraid that I’ve missed something. But I’m still not sure what they meant. What they meant is that _having children changes everything_. How do you currently organise your priorities? What do you currently spend your spare time doing? Where does your money (especially disposable income) go? What is the focus of your daily activity? What responsibilities do you currently have? ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2013, 10:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-happily-married-no-children/650346/45 "2013-02-15T10:18:36Z")
> [@pchaos](#): > > I’ve been married over 25 years and during this time I’ve only told my wife once that I wish we had a child or children. I’ve spoken to married people that had children during this span of time. > > And they’ve often told me that having children changes everything. I’ve always been afraid to ask them what they meant by this. I suppose, I’m afraid that I’ve missed something. But I’m still not sure what they meant. For parents out there, please enlighten me. Do you feel that way about your family? Sure it changes everything. You’re going to waste effort and money on something that is going to turn around and hate you in a little over a decade. And if you draw the short straw and have one with chronic physical and/or mental health problems, you’re fucked. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2013, 11:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-happily-married-no-children/650346/46 "2013-02-15T11:33:32Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > What they meant is that _having children changes everything_. He’s trying to figure out how to warp that definition, I think. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2013, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-happily-married-no-children/650346/47 "2013-02-15T13:06:16Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > Sure it changes everything. You’re going to waste effort and money on something that is going to turn around and hate you in a little over a decade. And if you draw the short straw and have one with chronic physical and/or mental health problems, you’re fucked. Hopefully the hate switches back again. I never really hated my mom, we just had a rough few years when I was in high school. My brother never hate my parents. And having a child with mental or physical issues isn’t always such a heavy burden that you feel “fucked.” ---
**Author:** ![pchaos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/258eb7/32.png) [@pchaos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pchaos)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2013, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-happily-married-no-children/650346/48 "2013-02-15T13:38:37Z")
> [@simster](#): > > Its one of those feelings you can;'t know until you know it. > > Go get a puppy - its alot like that. On the other thread, I gave a hypothetical for people to analyze. ---
**Author:** ![Meatros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2013, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-happily-married-no-children/650346/49 "2013-02-15T13:58:01Z")
> [@pchaos](#): > > On the other thread, I gave a hypothetical for people to analyze. Wut? A hypothetical about what? Puppies? Children? Can you participate in _this thread_? Have you gotten the answers you seek? ---
**Author:** ![pchaos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/258eb7/32.png) [@pchaos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pchaos)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2013, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-happily-married-no-children/650346/50 "2013-02-15T14:04:50Z")
> [@Meatros](#): > > Wut? > > A hypothetical about what? Puppies? Children? Can you participate in _this thread_? Have you gotten the answers you seek? I want to thank all of you for sharing your thoughts about your family on this thread. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2013, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-happily-married-no-children/650346/51 "2013-02-15T14:11:25Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > I think it often, then hate myself for it. Don’t hate yourself. It’s normal and healthy to be aware of the various costs and benefits of the decisions we’ve made and to sometimes think about how our lives would have been different if we’d chosen some other path. Especially when the costs of that decision are putting us in some kind of stress. That’s as true with having or not having kids as it is with any decision about your education, career, or romantic life. Just because society has pathologized this perfectly normal reaction when it’s in the context of parenthood, that doesn’t mean society is right. Society is in fact often fucked in the head. So don’t beat yourself up. ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2013, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-happily-married-no-children/650346/52 "2013-02-15T14:16:37Z")
> [@pchaos](#): > > On the other thread, I gave a hypothetical for people to analyze. Did you not read the whole post? I took that possibility into account as well - my answer still stands “you don’t know until you know” - the closest you can get to knowing without actual children is to adopt a pet - specifically a puppy. (cats are too easy by comparison) ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2013, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-happily-married-no-children/650346/53 "2013-02-15T14:48:54Z")
I don’t have kids, mostly because I _do_ have a fairly good idea of what they entail, and I’m not up for that. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2013, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-happily-married-no-children/650346/54 "2013-02-15T14:53:10Z")
> [@simster](#): > > If you don’t know, you don’t know - and didn’t you post once that you were a grandfather - how in the hell could you be a grandfather if you didn’t have atleast one kid? In an unrelated post more recently, he was an average American, married, two incomes, kids, a house, etc… with very little time to devote to that topic’s related subject. So not a grandfather. Not even a father. Starting to wonder if the marriage is a hypothetical as well. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2013, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-happily-married-no-children/650346/55 "2013-02-15T14:55:34Z")
> [@Simple\_Linctus](#): > > The murder thing is a good reason to believe he is not a sociopath. A true sociopath would not want to murder someone for the sake of it because they would feel nothing. On the other hand, wondering what killing someone would feel like seems a perfectly reasonable thing to think to me. It would not be a good reason to kill someone but he does not suggest that either. I see you are as knowledgeable about clinical psychology as you are about most other things. ---
**Author:** ![pchaos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/258eb7/32.png) [@pchaos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pchaos)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2013, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-happily-married-no-children/650346/56 "2013-02-15T14:59:04Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > In an unrelated post more recently, he was an average American, married, two incomes, kids, a house, etc… with very little time to devote to that topic’s related subject. I’ve been making up hypothetical situations too long, it’s almost a second nature. I was just commenting on why the public doesn’t take atheists seriously…they are just too busy. But I don’t want to hijack this thread. I enjoy people discussing their families. ---
**Author:** ![Meatros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2013, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-happily-married-no-children/650346/57 "2013-02-15T15:01:16Z")
> [@pchaos](#): > > I want to thank all of you for sharing your thoughts about your family on this thread. Fair enough. I’m curious, what are your thoughts on it? Do you think you have missed out? If you could go back, would you have children (presuming you could)? ---
**Author:** ![SussieQ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SussieQ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SussieQ)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2013, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-happily-married-no-children/650346/58 "2013-02-15T15:09:06Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > I’m confused by these two seemingly conflicting posts. In the first one, you say that, in your eyes, marriage is only a vehicle to responsibly raise children and that love for the spouse is relatively immaterial. But in the second, you say that the relationship that you formed with the woman that you chose specifically (and only) in order to have children with was ruined by the fact that you married her. But wasn’t marriage the only reason she was in your life? > > And if the “real goal” is raising the kids to the best of your abilities-irrespective of marriage, why even get married in the first place? Exactly! How about the impact divorce has on the children? ---
**Author:** ![pchaos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/258eb7/32.png) [@pchaos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pchaos)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2013, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-happily-married-no-children/650346/59 "2013-02-15T15:20:41Z")
> [@Meatros](#): > > I’m curious, what are your thoughts on it? Do you think you have missed out? If you could go back, would you have children (presuming you could)? Yeah I did miss out, it sounds like the children made a big difference in your lives. On the other hand, my wife dotes on me so I’m spoiled rotten and don’t have to do many chores at home. So I’m satisfied with how my life has turned out. ---
**Author:** ![Meatros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2013, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-happily-married-no-children/650346/60 "2013-02-15T15:28:33Z")
> [@pchaos](#): > > Yeah I did miss out, it sounds like the children made a big difference in your lives. On the other hand, my wife dotes on me so I’m spoiled rotten and don’t have to do many chores at home. So I’m satisfied with how my life has turned out. That’s cool - to each their own. As some others have pointed out, children do make a big difference in people’s lives, sometimes (my case) for the better and sometimes for the worse. Do you have any nieces/nephews? You could get some of the good vibes that us parents get by interacting with them. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-happily-married-no-children/650346.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-happily-married-no-children/650346.md?page=4)