# I've been trying to think up funn fortune cookie fortunes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 9, 2009, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455 "2009-07-09T14:45:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2009, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/21 "2009-07-10T01:51:10Z")
I think we;ve done this before **Inspected by No. 42 This is a Mobebius Fortune this is a Moebius Fortune This is a Moebius Fortune** (On a Moebius strip, of course) \*\*You will meet a tall dark (continued in next cookie) This is a Chinese Fortune Grenade, and you have just pulled the pin. Learn Chinese –_Ptomaine Poisoning_ – 名 尸毒 Yesterday’s Lucky Numbers – 5 11 14 22 30 This is cookie No. 78 – collect all 200! Throw this fortune in the air and have a very small ticker-tape parade IBM – down 1/8 ,CRT up 1/4 … Pithy Saying Better than Bad Fortune Don’t say “between the sheets”. It’s passe \*\* ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2009, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/22 "2009-07-10T02:28:18Z")
This too shall pass. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2009, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/23 "2009-07-10T02:43:40Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > Don’t say “between the sheets”. It’s passe I give CalMeacham two points for an outstanding response. ---
**Author:** ![Brainiac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8797f3/32.png) [@Brainiac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brainiac)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2009, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/24 "2009-07-10T02:44:11Z")
Time and Tide wait for no man. They’ve been trademarked by Henry Luce and Proctor & Gamble ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2009, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/25 "2009-07-10T03:15:15Z")
What would Hunter S. Thompson do? ---
**Author:** ![JpnDude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/838e76/32.png) [@JpnDude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JpnDude)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2009, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/26 "2009-07-10T05:15:41Z")
Confucious says: “Don’t believe fortune cookie fortunes.” ---
**Author:** ![Alastair\_Moonsong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3e96dc/32.png) [@Alastair\_Moonsong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alastair_Moonsong)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2009, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/27 "2009-07-10T06:06:21Z")
I got a fortune once that said “You enjoy participating in competitive sports.” I was mildly amused. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2009, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/28 "2009-07-10T06:10:56Z")
> [@Jettboy](#): > > An actual fortune that I once got at a Chinese Super Buffet (I have it tacked to my bulletin board in the studio because it was so surreal) read: > > _The man in the blue shirt and khakis is watching you._ I think they meant to say “God is watching you” but it lost something in translation. ---
**Author:** ![willthekittensurvive](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/91b2a8/32.png) [@willthekittensurvive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/willthekittensurvive)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2009, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/29 "2009-07-10T07:23:15Z")
You have been poisoned, please deposit 1 million $ at 6735663 , and await information for antidote. There’s probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2009, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/30 "2009-07-10T14:21:15Z")
> [@King\_Bobo](#): > > Anyone with any anecdotes of someone finding a winning combination?? Snopes has at least two (true) stories of people who’ve won by playing fortune cookie numbers: [Numbers recommended by a fortune cookie resulted in a lottery win.](http://www.snopes.com/luck/cookie.asp) [A husband and wife each won a lottery by playing numbers recommended by a fortune cookie.](http://www.snopes.com/luck/married.asp) ---
**Author:** ![Never\_Say\_Dice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ee59a6/32.png) [@Never\_Say\_Dice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Never_Say_Dice)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2009, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/31 "2009-07-10T15:42:43Z")
The best things in life are free, except dining out. Keep your hands above the table! You bad with chopsticks, so spots on you tie. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2009, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/32 "2009-07-10T15:45:31Z")
I have made fortune cookies. They are a pain in the ass to make. My gf nearly peed herself when she read hers: **You will be responsible for the death of thousands** Happily, it didn’t happen. Yet.😃 ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2009, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/33 "2009-07-10T17:28:50Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I have made fortune cookies. > > **You will be responsible for the death of thousands** The best I ever did was put a rubber iguana into the shower with my gf. She was holding onto the shower rod nude, screaming in terror. But I digress, and bow to you, Sir. Outstanding! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![the\_first\_supraliminal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f475e1/32.png) [@the\_first\_supraliminal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_first_supraliminal)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/34 "2009-07-11T21:34:19Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I have made fortune cookies. They are a pain in the ass to make. … In and around San Francisco, they sell the flat round thin cookies in bundles at Wallgreens. You can steam them soft and then form them by draping over a chopstick, laying on a fortune and folding one side over the other. I make them up for alumni parties, with the fortunes relating to the school colors and campus in-jokes. ---
**Author:** ![the\_first\_supraliminal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f475e1/32.png) [@the\_first\_supraliminal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_first_supraliminal)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/35 "2009-07-11T21:42:25Z")
Ones I _want_ to see: You will all split the check fairly. Everyone will soon forget what you just said wrong. This is your your lucky night, so go for it. Be glad you didn’t eat Japanese on cushions and show that hole in your sock. ---
**Author:** ![Jettboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/85e7bf/32.png) [@Jettboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jettboy)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2009, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/36 "2009-07-11T23:28:16Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > I think they meant to say “God is watching you” but it lost something in translation. God wears a blue shirt and khakis? It must’ve been casual Friday. ---
**Author:** ![Cherry2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cherry2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cherry2000)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2009, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/37 "2009-07-12T00:34:50Z")
Sex like Disney World…2 hour wait for one-minute ride ---
**Author:** ![berff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/43a26b/32.png) [@berff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/berff)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2009, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/38 "2009-07-13T01:50:02Z")
I brought some “misfortune” cookies I made to a pot-luck at work a few years ago. I can’t remember them all offhand but one of the cookies I made was slightly larger than all the others so I inserted the fortune “You just had to take the biggest one, didn’t you? You fat pig”. ---
**Author:** ![Booker57](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Booker57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Booker57)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2009, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/39 "2009-07-13T02:17:04Z")
“Never smell the inside of a hat” Kept that one in my wallet for a long time ---
**Author:** ![stpauler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@stpauler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stpauler)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2009, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/40 "2009-07-13T02:23:16Z")
This cookie contains penicillin for your after-dinner convenience. Expiration date: Jun '85 You Have Won Second Prize in a Beauty Prize. Collect $10. As long as you haven’t read this, your wish will come true. Classic: Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455.md?page=3)