# I've been trying to think up funn fortune cookie fortunes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 9, 2009, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455 "2009-07-09T14:45:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2009, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/61 "2009-07-15T13:38:43Z")
In that vein (sp?): Side 1: “How do you keep an idiot busy for hours? See other side.” Side 2: “How do you keep an idiot busy for hours? See other side.” ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2009, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/62 "2009-07-15T14:21:52Z")
This fortune is water-soluble. A bird in the hand is worth at least two gobs of hand sanitizer. The DNA of humans and apes is 96% similar. Drink Cloaca-Cola! It’ll clean you right out! $50 on the Tigers to win. That bruise is visible. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2009, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/63 "2009-07-15T15:49:21Z")
“Yesterday’s winning numbers: 2 6 9 15 36 37” ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2009, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/64 "2009-07-15T23:35:48Z")
> [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > “Yesterday’s winning numbers: 2 6 9 15 36 37” Look up at post #21 ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/65 "2009-07-16T00:00:29Z")
Yeah, but post #21 says they were 5 11 14 22 30. I said they were 2 6 9 15 36 37. We’re obviously talking about different lotteries here. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/66 "2009-07-16T01:49:47Z")
> [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > Yeah, but post #21 says they were 5 11 14 22 30. I said they were 2 6 9 15 36 37. We’re obviously talking about different lotteries here. Or different dates. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/67 "2009-07-16T02:13:43Z")
Quantum fortune cookies: Your lucky number is 5 11 14 22 30. Or 2 6 9 15 36 37. Or both. This cookie is both eaten and uneaten. Until you broke the cookie, your fortune was uncertain. Now it says you will break your shin. Heisenberg may or may not have written this fortune. ---
**Author:** ![Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f08c70/32.png) [@Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crowbar_of_Irony_3)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/68 "2009-07-16T03:18:56Z")
That wasn’t a cookie you just ate. Guess what spell I cast before I stuffed this message into the fortune cookie You will be the death of nations The coordinates of the wormhole is 231, Delta 354 mark 256 QA Failed ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/69 "2009-07-16T03:47:55Z")
Pigeons can be captured quite easily, and they are quite tasty too. _Saluton! Ĉu vi pretas?_ The management has found that many dishes are improved with a dash of-- (paper ripped) Experience is a bitter teacher. If people built buildings the way they build software, the first woodpecker to come along would end civilization. A horse always has four legs. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/70 "2009-07-16T04:04:34Z")
Some people say they would never eat dog meat. How did it taste to you? ---
**Author:** ![Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f08c70/32.png) [@Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crowbar_of_Irony_3)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/71 "2009-07-16T04:32:53Z")
If you could read this fortune, it means that this cookie does not have cyanide ---
**Author:** ![Greg\_Charles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/839c29/32.png) [@Greg\_Charles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greg_Charles)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/72 "2009-07-17T02:58:15Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Pssssst… fortune cookies come with _ **Chinese** _ food.[/COLOR] Mostly that’s true, but I see fortune cookies in many kinds of Asian restaurants. For that matter, they are mostly unknown in China. Jennifer 8. Lee did an amusing presentation to TED where she offered fortune cookies to bewildered Chinese citizens. “Hey, there’s paper inside here!” According to her, they were invented in Japanese restaurants in Los Angeles, but when the Japanese were incarcerated during WWII, Chinese restaurants co-opted them. Oh, on point: Confucious now paid 10c per fortune. How much thought that buy? Don’t flatter self: waitresses smile at everybody. Monkey with Parkinson’s handle chopsticks better than that. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/73 "2009-07-17T03:01:42Z")
I had lunch at a Chinese restaurant where an ambulance pulled up and the med guys also had lunch. Somebody could run with that, but i’ve got nothin’. ---
**Author:** ![mattomic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3ec8ea/32.png) [@mattomic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mattomic)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/74 "2009-07-17T05:36:05Z")
“PC LOAD LETTER” “Dis 4tune cookie snt via txt msg” “Oh God, where’d my cookie shell go? What the hell did you do? I’m naked in here! Quit staring, pervert!” “ATL 5 NYM 3… CHC 6 WSH 2… CLE 4 SEA 1… MIL 9 CIN 6…” ---
**Author:** ![Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f08c70/32.png) [@Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crowbar_of_Irony_3)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/75 "2009-07-17T07:32:59Z")
Change comes from within. It is not what goes into you that makes you evil, it’s what that come out from a fortune keeper. The revolution begins on 2011 June 21st. Stockpile food and firearms. Location of bunker is at … [paper torn off] There were two fortunes inside this cookie. You just ate the other one. This is a chain fortune cookie; please stuff copy this fortune seven times and stuff down into seven different cookies and pass it to your friend, or else you will be jinxed. Dear fortune cookie eater, I am the representative of a rich family in Nigeria… ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/76 "2009-07-17T08:13:49Z")
> [@CrazyChop](#): > > Change comes from within. Change is good. Folding money is better. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/77 "2009-07-17T15:34:36Z")
> [@CrazyChop](#): > > Guess what spell I cast before I stuffed this message into the fortune cookie _Snort_ If you could be sure the cookie was going to an OOTS fan… that would be awesome. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/78 "2009-07-17T17:48:28Z")
> [@CrazyChop](#): > > Change comes from within… A man says to a Buddhist hot dog vendor, “Make me one with everything.” He pays with a $20 bill and stands waiting for his change. The vendor says, “True change comes from within.” ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/79 "2009-07-17T18:36:32Z")
ERROR CREATING FORTUNE. Abort, Retry, Ignore. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2009, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-trying-to-think-up-funn-fortune-cookie-fortunes/502455/80 "2009-07-17T18:37:10Z")
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