# I've been watching Conan the Barbarian - what am I missing? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** movies\ **Created:** [September 1, 2023, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-watching-conan-the-barbarian-what-am-i-missing/989481 "2023-09-01T23:17:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Tamerlane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tamerlane/32/7602_2.png) [@Tamerlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamerlane)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2023, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-watching-conan-the-barbarian-what-am-i-missing/989481/21 "2023-09-02T00:48:10Z")
> [@Northern\_Piper](#): > > If you’re looking for a _good_ 80s fantasy film, it’s _Ladyhawke_. Almost the flipside of Conan the Barbarian. A genuinely pretty good film rather than a campy good time, a talkative slightly-built thief instead of a barely speaking muscle-bound warrior as the main protagonist and an absolutely shitty soundtrack 😀. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2023, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-watching-conan-the-barbarian-what-am-i-missing/989481/22 "2023-09-02T00:49:38Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > Now Flash Gordon, THAT was a movie. _ **Flesh Gordon** _ was better! 🤪 ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2023, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-watching-conan-the-barbarian-what-am-i-missing/989481/23 "2023-09-02T01:00:20Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > In memory, I preferred the older films from my childhood, like Journey to the Center of the Earth, or Mysterious Island. But I’m sure they would be horrible on rewatching. I may need to dig up some Harryhausen… _Seventh Voyage Of Sinbad_ and _Jason And The Argonauts_ are favorites of mine. ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2023, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-watching-conan-the-barbarian-what-am-i-missing/989481/24 "2023-09-02T01:01:41Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > Did the literary Conan always run cross-country from one destination to another? I forgot about this part. My buddies and I used to joke that the most efficient way to travel long distances was just to start sprinting immediately. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2023, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-watching-conan-the-barbarian-what-am-i-missing/989481/25 "2023-09-02T01:13:48Z")
Ladyhawke was indeed pretty cool. Conan with Rutger Hauer would have been cool. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2023, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-watching-conan-the-barbarian-what-am-i-missing/989481/26 "2023-09-02T01:21:07Z")
> [@blondebear](#): > > _Seventh Voyage Of Sinbad_ and _Jason And The Argonauts_ are favorites of mine. Well, yeah, them and _Clash of the Titans_ are all classic Harryhausen. So, they still entertain my grandson. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2023, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-watching-conan-the-barbarian-what-am-i-missing/989481/27 "2023-09-02T01:22:09Z")
> [@Smapti](#): > > What, no love/hate for Hawk the Slayer? Somehow I missed that one. Ladyhawke was fine, though. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2023, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-watching-conan-the-barbarian-what-am-i-missing/989481/28 "2023-09-02T01:23:38Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > _ **Flesh Gordon** _ was better! From Wiki: > The film (Flesh Gordon) was nominated for the 1975 Hugo Award for [Best Dramatic Presentation](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hugo_Award_for_Best_Dramatic_Presentation) (the only indie production nominated that year), but lost to [Mel Brooks](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mel_Brooks)’ _[Young Frankenstein](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Young_Frankenstein)_ .[[7]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flesh_Gordon#cite_note-7) ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2023, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-watching-conan-the-barbarian-what-am-i-missing/989481/29 "2023-09-02T01:35:41Z")
> [@Tamerlane](#): > > Almost the flipside of Conan the Barbarian. Oh, man. The music in Ladyhawke has not aged well. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2023, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-watching-conan-the-barbarian-what-am-i-missing/989481/30 "2023-09-02T04:10:40Z")
> [@Odesio](#): > > The music in Ladyhawke has not aged well. Even at the time, we laughed at synthesizers portraying Ye Ancient Realms. . > [@Odesio](#): > > How could you not like the movie Roger Ebert enjoyed and called, “a perfect fantasy for the alienated preadolescent?” I guess I was never quite alienated enough. The movies listed here completely turned me off epic fantasy, and it wasn’t until Lord of the Rings that I was willing to try again … … glad I did! ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2023, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-watching-conan-the-barbarian-what-am-i-missing/989481/31 "2023-09-02T04:21:42Z")
Conan is one of Arnold’s better movies. It’s supposed to be told as a grand myth. A epic struggle similiar to Jason and the Argonauts. (The Greek play) I think of Conan as a collection of stories. The narrative linking the stories isn’t always entirely logical. It may not be everyones cup of tea. I watch it at least once almost every year. The making of feature is interesting. Arnold talks about doing the stunts and various injuries. ---
**Author:** ![Toxylon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f05b48/32.png) [@Toxylon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toxylon)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2023, 10:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-watching-conan-the-barbarian-what-am-i-missing/989481/32 "2023-09-02T10:14:59Z")
Lots of great replies. I especially like the suggestion of watching it like a music video. I watch Conan the Barbarian about yearly, as well, and enjoy it every time; I guess turning into an alienated preadolescent while watching. With Conan, you don’t objectively evaluate what you are watching, you just let it get to you. You fill in the gaps in the plot as needed, you swim in the fantastic film score and revel in the iconic, campy scenes from times gone by (the early 80’s, I mean). ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2023, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-watching-conan-the-barbarian-what-am-i-missing/989481/33 "2023-09-02T11:17:47Z")
“Crom!” The Conan Musical: [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/OBGOQ7SsJrw/maxresdefault.jpg "Conan the Barbarian: The Musical (Arnold Schwarzenegger)") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBGOQ7SsJrw) ---
**Author:** ![Banksiaman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/banksiaman/32/3334_2.png) [@Banksiaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banksiaman)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2023, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-watching-conan-the-barbarian-what-am-i-missing/989481/34 "2023-09-02T12:41:12Z")
Or, as Robert E. Howard wrote more than once, '‘Crom! Conan ejaculated’. The character has a looong history before Arnie, chosen because he matched the fantastic Frank Frazetta edition covers of the 1960s re-issues. It was made for people who knew Conan from the covers as much as those who knew the stories. The movie was fine. Not great but just track down its contemporary fantasy or sword and sandal peers and see how many you can watch for 10 mins before retching. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2023, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-watching-conan-the-barbarian-what-am-i-missing/989481/35 "2023-09-02T13:39:16Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > If you’re familiar with the comic books you get to see a terrible movie based on them. I didn’t know there were comic books, let alone that the movie was based on them. I thought it was just based on the Robert E. Howard stories. ---
**Author:** ![Toxylon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f05b48/32.png) [@Toxylon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toxylon)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2023, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-watching-conan-the-barbarian-what-am-i-missing/989481/36 "2023-09-02T13:40:56Z")
I read Conan comics long before I saw the film. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2023, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-watching-conan-the-barbarian-what-am-i-missing/989481/37 "2023-09-02T14:00:13Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > It is just so weird, because I thought it at least would be a story that holds togeth. But no - now he fucks a witch, now some guy is chained to the wall, now he passes out in a bowl of gruel… And why the hell did his owner free him? Was that ever explained? Oh wait - they’re running again. > > I enjoy me some over the top campy movie stuff. This, I don’t get. And I was surprised at the dubbed sound of so much of the vocals, including Arnold’s grunts and yelps. Those ghost things were supposed to be good special effects? > > I guess I’ve never been a big fan of the fantasy genre. I’ll have to try to figure out what fantasy films from back then - if any - I enjoyed. In memory, I preferred the older films from my childhood, like Journey to the Center of the Earth, or Mysterious Island. But I’m sure they would be horrible on rewatching. I may need to dig up some Harryhausen… 😉 I liked the movie then and I like it now. It feels like you are watching the books. Most of the audience would know the character from the Lancer paperbacks put together by L. Sprague De Camp and Lin Carter with the Frazetta covers. I know I had the complete set. Howard wrote mostly short stories and novellas. De Camp took all of the Conan stories and put them in order, finished some unfinished stories and added new works to the series to make a chronological narrative. It still read as individual vignettes. That’s how the movie felt. The movie was written by John Milius and Oliver Stone. James Earl Jones is good as the villain. Of course the rest of the acting is not good. The fight choreography is very good. The action is good. It’s not afraid to have R-rates violence. Conan was an R-rated character. _Conan the Destroyer_ took everything that made the first one fun and threw it out. They made it PG. They ruined one of the best villains of all time, Thoth-Amon (couldn’t even spell the name right). The big bad was Andre the Giant in a rubber suit. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2023, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-watching-conan-the-barbarian-what-am-i-missing/989481/38 "2023-09-02T14:16:28Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > Of course the rest of the acting is not good. How dare you diss the work of Sven-Ole Thorsen as “Dude with the hammer!!!” > **[Conan the Barbarian (1982)](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082198/mediaviewer/rm3713458433?ft0=name&fv0=nm0203234&ft1=image_type&fv1=still_frame&ref_=tt_ch)** > > Ben Davidson and Sven-Ole Thorsen in Conan the Barbarian (1982) ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2023, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-watching-conan-the-barbarian-what-am-i-missing/989481/39 "2023-09-02T14:20:58Z")
The best fantasy film from the 1980s is _Excalibur_. _Ladyhawk_ a distant second. Too bad about the soundtrack. _Sword of the Valiant_ has a soundtrack that makes _Ladyhawk_’s sound like a John Williams symphony. If you are interested in the R.E. Howard books, you might try to locate the novelization of the movie script. It was done by L. Sprague de Camp and Lin Carter, and it is slightly more coherent than what ended up onscreen. Their version of the Riddle of Steel is more poetic than the movie’s. ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2023, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-watching-conan-the-barbarian-what-am-i-missing/989481/40 "2023-09-02T14:54:45Z")
I prefer [Conan the Librarian](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZHoHaAYHq8). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-watching-conan-the-barbarian-what-am-i-missing/989481.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-been-watching-conan-the-barbarian-what-am-i-missing/989481.md?page=3)