# I've decided to stop lighting my cigars with $100 bills. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 8, 2006, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544 "2006-02-08T15:29:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/1 "2006-02-08T15:29:09Z")
I’ve decided in these tight times that I will stop lighting my cigars with $100 dollar bills. I figure the money could be better spent on the kids college fund or some other such nonsense. Plus, I never really understood the practice. You have to light the bill with something, right? Might as well just light the cigar directly with the thing you use to light the bill with… So, what thing could you cut out of your life that’s otherwise wasteful to save a few bucks. ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/2 "2006-02-08T15:30:37Z")
I’m having my Wazoo stapled shut. Apparently, there’s money coming out of it. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/3 "2006-02-08T15:31:38Z")
i agree. i’ll take one for the team and stop wiping my ass with cashmere pillows. pass me a midget footstool, willya? …hey, just becase he was born in turkey doesn’t automatically make him an ottoman… _blows a few bubbles out of his bubble pipe_ ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/4 "2006-02-08T15:58:35Z")
I was so excited when my daughter was born that I hardly noticed when the nurse went to put the spoon in her mouth. Luckily, my subcouncious noticed that the reflective profile wasn’t right and I lunged for the spoon before she stuck it in. It was a fucking stainless steal spoon! I was about to be the proud father of a future Springer guest. Luckily, I had my family silver spoon that was used to vaccinate my family at birth. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/5 "2006-02-08T16:35:29Z")
I’ve decided to outsource my flatulance. The prime rib and caviar required for it’s generation were costing me an arm and a leg to warehouse and there’s a company in India that can do it on the cheap by converting the source code to a curry based platform. The deliveries to customers will still be timely, as we’re indeed seeing what Brown can do for us. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/6 "2006-02-08T16:48:45Z")
That was offal funny, **lieu**. Err, I mean, something about it smelled funny. No, wait … ---
**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/7 "2006-02-08T17:15:13Z")
If only I could give up my $1500 a day Fabergé egg habit. ---
**Author:** ![YaWanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/bbce88/32.png) [@YaWanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YaWanna)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/8 "2006-02-08T18:08:21Z")
You’ve made me see the error of my wasteful, spendthrift ways. I realize that those designer sheets & towels that I use once and then throw away could be used _again_. So I’m going to let the dogs sleep on them before I throw them away from now on. ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/9 "2006-02-08T18:29:12Z")
It was 13 degrees this morning when I woke up. I went around and closed all the windows. The furnace can’t keep up with these Wisconsin winters anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/10 "2006-02-08T18:31:55Z")
> [@Nature's Call](#): > > If only I could give up my $1500 a day Fabergé egg habit. Man, how many times have I heard _that_ one? Me, I’m finding it harder and harder to find original Da Vinci’s to use as toilet paper. Maybe I should move on to Renoir’s? ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/11 "2006-02-08T18:41:26Z")
I’ve simply decided to stop being so shocked all the time. The falling monacles soon become broken monacles, and heavens, but monacles _don’t_ grow on trees. ---
**Author:** ![Bookkeeper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bookkeeper/32/281_2.png) [@Bookkeeper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bookkeeper)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/12 "2006-02-08T18:46:53Z")
I’ve decided to convince Mrs B to stop smoking, so we don’t need to trade the car in so often. Or perhaps just get one with a bigger ashtray. ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/13 "2006-02-08T18:47:05Z")
Jeez, I stopped lighting my cigars with hundred-dollar bills _months_ ago! I mean, it’s bad enough that I’m not paying them; do I have to burn them, too? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/14 "2006-02-08T19:09:26Z")
Well, I guess I _could_ have someone dust the mansion as opposed to buying a new one every week or so. And I suppose it’s not medically necessary to eat a handful of diamonds daily to aid in digestion (although, in the right light, it does make for some absolutely _lovely_ poops - breathtaking[sup]2[/sup]. I’ll certainly miss that). The Dom Perignon bidet and Perrier septic system are possibly expendable. Refueling the jet instead of abandoning it should also be considered. I’m afraid if we go much beyond that, however, we’ll be getting into necessities. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/15 "2006-02-08T20:03:47Z")
I’m trying to give up smoking. I’ve been having one cigarette a year for decades, and for some reason I just can’t seem to cut down. ---
**Author:** ![Plynck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Plynck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plynck)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/16 "2006-02-08T20:14:19Z")
> [@Uncommon Sense](#): > > It was 13 degrees this morning when I woke up. I went around and closed all the windows. The furnace can’t keep up with these Wisconsin winters anymore. I’d like to do the same, but I was raised in a barn. I could save some money instead of planting it in the yard. Evidently money _doesn’t_ grow on trees. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/17 "2006-02-08T20:15:15Z")
I simply _must_ stop bathing in money one of these days. [This](http://store.nordstrom.com/product/product.asp?StyleID=2790987&Category=&Search=True) is far more practical. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/18 "2006-02-08T20:27:32Z")
Laying a new diamond-terrazzo footpath to the helipad each morning has become… tiresome. I think I’m going to reuse the helipads from now on. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/19 "2006-02-08T20:40:57Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > I simply _must_ stop bathing in money one of these days. > > [This](http://store.nordstrom.com/product/product.asp?StyleID=2790987&Category=&Search=True) is far more practical. Absolutely. It only takes four gallons for you to be a million dollar babe! ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/20 "2006-02-08T20:59:19Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > I simply _must_ stop bathing in money one of these days. > > [This](http://store.nordstrom.com/product/product.asp?StyleID=2790987&Category=&Search=True) is far more practical. I think in that case bathing in money would be cheaper. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544.md?page=2)