# I've decided to stop lighting my cigars with $100 bills. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 8, 2006, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544 "2006-02-08T15:29:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/21 "2006-02-08T22:01:53Z")
I was intending to dismantle my solid gold robot for parts, but the dratted thing appears to have become sentient and I haven’t the heart now. Instead I have dismissed my live-in breakdancing instructor, and am simply having the robot teach me. ---
**Author:** ![Lamar\_Mundane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lamar\_Mundane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamar_Mundane)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/22 "2006-02-08T22:10:36Z")
> [@Uncommon Sense](#): > > I’ve decided in these tight times that I will stop lighting my cigars with $100 dollar bills. I figure the money could be better spent on the kids college fund or some other such nonsense. > Plus, I never really understood the practice. You have to light the bill with something, right? Might as well just light the cigar directly with the thing you use to light the bill with… > So, what thing could you cut out of your life that’s otherwise wasteful to save a few bucks. You light your own $100 bills? What the hell do you think a manservant is for? ---
**Author:** ![Nature\_s\_Call](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nature_s_call/32/19006_2.png) [@Nature\_s\_Call](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nature_s_Call)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/23 "2006-02-08T22:13:44Z")
> [@Lamar Mundane](#): > > You light your own $100 bills? > > What the hell do you think a manservant is for? True, but now that I’ve run out of manservants who would light themselves on fire, I must seek alternative means (though there’s always the neighbouring towns…) ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/24 "2006-02-08T22:13:57Z")
How do you light a manservant? ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/25 "2006-02-08T22:15:16Z")
Only on the Dope…simulposted bad joke. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/26 "2006-02-08T22:16:12Z")
it gets awfully inconvenient at times to try and make sure that my car’s gas tank hits empty when I’m close to a dealership. I’m going to try and stop trading in cars every tankful of gas, and try one of those newfangled “filling stations”. It’s just that gas is so expensive, I hate to pay those prices. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/27 "2006-02-08T22:27:15Z")
> [@Mr Bus Guy](#): > > it gets awfully inconvenient at times to try and make sure that my car’s gas tank hits empty when I’m close to a dealership. I’m going to try and stop trading in cars every tankful of gas, and try one of those newfangled “filling stations”. > > It’s just that gas is so expensive, I hate to pay those prices. we need new fuel resources. i’m lobbying my congressman (not personally, mind you…that’s for the plebes) to switch our state to liquid platinum engines. i don’t care if it’s not feasible or…god willing…possible! i’ve got money…make it work! which reminds me…i simply must throw this cartier watch away. its gone and done something silly like worn a groove in my wrist. i’ll need extra pampering by the small army of masseussessesssesses that i have employed in the southwestern wing of the estate palace. ---
**Author:** ![vibrotronica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a9a28c/32.png) [@vibrotronica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vibrotronica)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2006, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/28 "2006-02-08T23:36:34Z")
What the hell is wrong with you people? Stop lighting cigars with Hamiltons? No more diamond helipad walkways? _Dusting_? The terrorists have already won. ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2006, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/29 "2006-02-09T00:17:22Z")
> [@the thread title](#): > > I’ve decided to stop lighting my cigars with $100 bills. > [@vibrotronica](#): > > Stop lighting cigars with Hamiltons? [Poser](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:US_%24100_obverse.jpg). ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2006, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/30 "2006-02-09T01:08:27Z")
I’ve stopped changing out the saffron that fills my matresses, pillows and couch cushions daily and now I just do it every other day. ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2006, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/31 "2006-02-09T02:02:51Z")
I resolve to stop buying new cars all the time and instead make an increased effort to remember where I parked. ---
**Author:** ![BlueKangaroo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3d9bf3/32.png) [@BlueKangaroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlueKangaroo)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2006, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/32 "2006-02-09T03:04:15Z")
I think I’ll stop paying JK Rowling to read me her books as she’s writing them, and just wait for the last book to come out. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2006, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/33 "2006-02-09T03:20:54Z")
> [@BlueKangaroo](#): > > I think I’ll stop paying JK Rowling to read me her books as she’s writing them, and just wait for the last book to come out. And I resolve to do the same with Tolkein. Do you realise how annoying revivification technology is? The noise, the smells, the permits/bribes… it’s simply appalling. The poodles and corgis are having fits. One of them has refused her pedicure for the _third hour in a row!_ Regretfully I had to let the three hourly pedicurists go from that position; they were heartbroken by not being able to do the perfect job they wanted, and they ended up joining the revivication lab as auxiliary test subjects. I tried to convince them to take any other position, but they didn’t even want to be outdoor dog butlers. At least Tolkien will have some good help. And simply _fabulous_ toenails. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2006, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/34 "2006-02-09T04:40:31Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > And I resolve to do the same with Tolkein. > > Do you realise how annoying revivification technology is? The noise, the smells, the permits/bribes… it’s simply appalling. The poodles and corgis are having fits. > > One of them has refused her pedicure for the _third hour in a row!_ Regretfully I had to let the three hourly pedicurists go from that position; they were heartbroken by not being able to do the perfect job they wanted, and they ended up joining the revivication lab as auxiliary test subjects. I tried to convince them to take any other position, but they didn’t even want to be outdoor dog butlers. > > At least Tolkien will have some good help. And simply _fabulous_ toenails. 🙂 **Sunspace** , you’re really weird. I like that about you. ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2006, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/35 "2006-02-09T05:33:08Z")
You know, I’ve been thinking about those orders that I gave to Mayor Ray. Chocolate doesn’t seem too expensive, but using it to build an entire city seems… excessive. I’ve had some engineers come in recently, and let me tell you, they seemed to think that I would need to purchse sveral tons of the stuff just for one sky-scraper. Probobly just as well, It might end as badly as that city I built on Rock 'n Roll. Not the best material for foundations. Also, the Don Perignon bubble baths are getting a wee bit pricey. As are the new bronze statues of me that I get every time it rains. I suppose I could just build a marble hall to keep them in. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2006, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/36 "2006-02-09T05:48:16Z")
Your examples have inspired me. I too am going to cut back and live a less ostentatious life style. From now on when I have my chauffeur wash my fleet of limos, I’m going to tell him to use water from the hose rather than have it imported from France. ---
**Author:** ![DfrntBreign](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f6c823/32.png) [@DfrntBreign](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DfrntBreign)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2006, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/37 "2006-02-09T06:18:08Z")
Okay this has gone on long enough! Don’t you people remember what it was like the last time this kind of talk was bandied about? Do you _want_ another Kennedy fiasco? Am I the only one who remembers what a PITA Lyndon was when we let him sit in the “big chair”? It’s taken us far too long to get back to business-as-usual to screw it all up now for some silly little jokes. If you absolutely \*must \* indulge in this kind of silliness, take it to your island like normal people!! ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2006, 9:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/38 "2006-02-09T09:05:26Z")
You’re right. We shouldn’t be talking about things like this in a regular forum where anyone can drop by and read it. I think we should start a new thread in one of the special forums the ordinary members don’t know about. Just use your moderator override code to move your posts to the new thread. I was heading over there anyway - we’ve got Bono and Donald Rumsfeld as our celebrity guests tonight and you remember how the sparks flew the last time they were on together. And don’t forget, Cecil said he’ll only be answering questions for six hours tonight - he’s got a deadline coming up. ---
**Author:** ![Ale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@Ale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ale)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2006, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/39 "2006-02-09T12:11:16Z")
I for one will stop buying those expensive shoes that are made by children in third world sweatshops. Oh, sily me, did I said “made by”?, I meant “made of” ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2006, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544/40 "2006-02-09T12:56:09Z")
> [@Ale](#): > > I for one will stop buying those expensive shoes that are made by children in third world sweatshops. > Oh, sily me, did I said “made by”?, I meant “made of” I guess my kid-skin gloves are out, then, too. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-decided-to-stop-lighting-my-cigars-with-100-bills/343544.md?page=3)