# ive finally solved the ancient mysteries and no it wasnt aliens or gods **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 27, 2019, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-finally-solved-the-ancient-mysteries-and-no-it-wasnt-aliens-or-gods/831593 "2019-03-27T05:44:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![nightshadea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7ba0ec/32.png) [@nightshadea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nightshadea)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2019, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-finally-solved-the-ancient-mysteries-and-no-it-wasnt-aliens-or-gods/831593/1 "2019-03-27T05:44:09Z")
or all that other bunk that’s been spouted since before the 70s …… See before mankind even existed there was a omnipotent power on the earth that had land air and sea travel mastered …… that helped foster peace and understanding through out the world and had advanced sciences and even world wide sport that wouldn’t be discovered for millions of years They had such concepts as conservation inter racial peace and harmony we cant even get back to today Sadly their greatest invention was lost because there astronomy hadn’t advanced enough to catch the big rock that would doom them all …. The time tunnel! Even though it took millions of years for humans to understand their ruins and notes when the ancients finally figured it out… it took us out of the mud and caves and started us on a path of enlightenment It was the trolodons and the benevolent and omnipotent dinosaur train industries! I mean it makes more sense that the worlds smartest beings until the human race formed all of this before we even existed and all the ancients did was evolve until their intelligence could comprehend such advanced learning …… All the other theories are space gods and other disproven junk So what does my fellow compatriots of the dope think ? ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2019, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-finally-solved-the-ancient-mysteries-and-no-it-wasnt-aliens-or-gods/831593/2 "2019-03-27T06:16:55Z")
How do you explain Steve Jobs? ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2019, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-finally-solved-the-ancient-mysteries-and-no-it-wasnt-aliens-or-gods/831593/3 "2019-03-27T12:19:02Z")
Can I have some of what you are drinking? ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2019, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-finally-solved-the-ancient-mysteries-and-no-it-wasnt-aliens-or-gods/831593/4 "2019-03-27T12:27:09Z")
… or smoking? ---
**Author:** ![Bear\_Nenno](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bear_nenno/32/3358_2.png) [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2019, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-finally-solved-the-ancient-mysteries-and-no-it-wasnt-aliens-or-gods/831593/5 "2019-03-27T12:27:49Z")
So not a god, but an omnipotent and nearly omniscient _power_ on Earth that created all of our science and athletics? Okay, so how is this much different than a god, exactly? ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2019, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-finally-solved-the-ancient-mysteries-and-no-it-wasnt-aliens-or-gods/831593/6 "2019-03-27T12:31:36Z")
Since none of the other theories are perfect I’ll go along with this one. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2019, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-finally-solved-the-ancient-mysteries-and-no-it-wasnt-aliens-or-gods/831593/7 "2019-03-27T12:38:38Z")
No, here’s the real solution: Humans back then were just as smart as humans are now. We figured things out on our own. Why is this such a difficult concept? ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2019, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-finally-solved-the-ancient-mysteries-and-no-it-wasnt-aliens-or-gods/831593/8 "2019-03-27T12:39:27Z")
Agriculture? Did this notional power have agriculture? 'Cause without that, doing all the other stuff would have been much more difficult. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2019, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-finally-solved-the-ancient-mysteries-and-no-it-wasnt-aliens-or-gods/831593/9 "2019-03-27T15:20:54Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > Can I have some of what you are drinking? > [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > … or smoking? Eating. This is mushroom talk. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2019, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-finally-solved-the-ancient-mysteries-and-no-it-wasnt-aliens-or-gods/831593/10 "2019-03-27T15:22:50Z")
Voice of experience? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2019, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-finally-solved-the-ancient-mysteries-and-no-it-wasnt-aliens-or-gods/831593/11 "2019-03-27T15:55:00Z")
How does that theory explain Andy Dick? ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2019, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-finally-solved-the-ancient-mysteries-and-no-it-wasnt-aliens-or-gods/831593/12 "2019-03-27T16:08:16Z")
“the trolodons” “omnipotent dinosaur train industries!” Aside from “BAND NAME”, that’s some serious 'shroom logic there. “…the big rock that would doom them all …. The time tunnel!” So was the extinction asteroid the time tunnel? Or did it cause the time tunnel? Or how does the time tunnel fit? Were the dinosaurs the masterful omnipitent super beings? ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2019, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-finally-solved-the-ancient-mysteries-and-no-it-wasnt-aliens-or-gods/831593/13 "2019-03-27T16:23:05Z")
Did you ever really look at your hand? I mean **really** , _ **REALLY** _ look at it!!! ---
**Author:** ![VOW](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/vow/32/3043_2.png) [@VOW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VOW)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2019, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-finally-solved-the-ancient-mysteries-and-no-it-wasnt-aliens-or-gods/831593/14 "2019-03-27T16:30:21Z")
At last! SOMETHING that explains Donald Trump! The whole connection will be fully explained next Tuesday, or when the audit is completed on the last twenty-five years of his tax returns. Or not. ~VOW ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2019, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-finally-solved-the-ancient-mysteries-and-no-it-wasnt-aliens-or-gods/831593/15 "2019-03-27T16:58:34Z")
> [@kunilou](#): > > Did you ever really look at your hand? I mean **really** , _ **REALLY** _ look at it!!! What if C-A-T really spelled dog? ---
**Author:** ![Dallas\_Jones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dallas_jones/32/3277_2.png) [@Dallas\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dallas_Jones)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2019, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-finally-solved-the-ancient-mysteries-and-no-it-wasnt-aliens-or-gods/831593/16 "2019-03-27T17:10:40Z")
> [@nightshadea](#): > > So what does my fellow compatriots of the dope think ? Nice try, Xenu, but I am not giving you anymore money. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2019, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-finally-solved-the-ancient-mysteries-and-no-it-wasnt-aliens-or-gods/831593/17 "2019-03-27T17:42:58Z")
> [@El\_Kabong](#): > > Agriculture? Did this notional power have agriculture? 'Cause without that, doing all the other stuff would have been much more difficult. I’m pretty sure a guy came up with agriculture to impress a girl. ---
**Author:** ![Dallas\_Jones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dallas_jones/32/3277_2.png) [@Dallas\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dallas_Jones)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2019, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-finally-solved-the-ancient-mysteries-and-no-it-wasnt-aliens-or-gods/831593/18 "2019-03-27T17:50:32Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > I’m pretty sure a guy came up with agriculture to impress a girl. Beer. Agriculture was to make beer. Really. [https://news.stanford.edu/press-releases/2018/09/12/crafting-beer-lereal-cultivation/](https://news.stanford.edu/press-releases/2018/09/12/crafting-beer-lereal-cultivation/) ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2019, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-finally-solved-the-ancient-mysteries-and-no-it-wasnt-aliens-or-gods/831593/19 "2019-03-27T20:53:12Z")
In many primitive cultures, the men hunt and the women gather, so some anthropologists believe that women invented agriculture. ---
**Author:** ![VOW](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/vow/32/3043_2.png) [@VOW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VOW)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2019, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-finally-solved-the-ancient-mysteries-and-no-it-wasnt-aliens-or-gods/831593/20 "2019-03-27T20:59:56Z")
> [@mbh](#): > > In many primitive cultures, the men hunt and the women gather, so some anthropologists believe that women invented agriculture. Oh, crap! Yet another thing for women to do! Reading upthread, women invent agriculture, and therefore invent beer. So that means they are stuck at the hearth, cooking and chasing kids, while the men go off “hunting and fishing,” which is an euphemism for getting far away from the hearth, and sitting around with the other menfolk, zcratching and cussing and drinking beer. ~VOW [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-finally-solved-the-ancient-mysteries-and-no-it-wasnt-aliens-or-gods/831593.md?page=2)