# I've found God! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 5, 2000, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278 "2000-08-05T22:38:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2000, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/1 "2000-08-05T22:38:17Z")
You’d think he could have found a better hiding spot. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2000, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/2 "2000-08-05T22:44:54Z")
You can’t be a genius if you _lost_\*\* anything\*\* that big. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/3 "2000-08-06T00:15:34Z")
He slipped behind the cushions on the couch, am I right? He does that all the time in my house. You only notice because you can hear His muffled voice crying “Hey! Get offa me! Dis is God in here, for criminy’s sake!” ---
**Author:** ![Poto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ab992/32.png) [@Poto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poto)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/4 "2000-08-06T03:26:02Z")
And he was playing poker with Elvis? ---
**Author:** ![Myrr21](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e495f1/32.png) [@Myrr21](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrr21)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/5 "2000-08-06T03:28:36Z")
Now if we could only find Jesus Christ the Kidnapped… ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/6 "2000-08-06T05:07:54Z")
I found God. He came up to me and said “Tag! You’re it!” Grumble. andygirl ---
**Author:** ![steeljaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@steeljaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steeljaw)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/7 "2000-08-06T05:09:49Z")
Was he playing Skee Ball? ---
**Author:** ![Zoing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecccb3/32.png) [@Zoing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoing)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/8 "2000-08-06T05:12:38Z")
Ask him(her) if he likes Kix. Any good person HAS to like Kix. ---
**Author:** ![steeljaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@steeljaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steeljaw)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/9 "2000-08-06T05:17:09Z")
Mom’s approve of Kix. God better too. ---
**Author:** ![Bluepony](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Bluepony](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bluepony)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/10 "2000-08-06T05:42:17Z")
\*_Omni_, while you still have God around, can you ask him one cosmic question? What the hell does he have against the Red Sox? ---
**Author:** ![fredicus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/779978/32.png) [@fredicus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fredicus)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 9:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/11 "2000-08-06T09:44:21Z")
Fer christ’s sake, quick put him back where you found him!! Odds are no one noticed he was missing. ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/12 "2000-08-06T20:01:26Z")
Blue, I’d be happy to, but when I asked him about the Cubs he just pointed at me and started snickering uncontrolably, and mumbling something about '69, and Leon Durham. ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/13 "2000-08-06T23:07:00Z")
> [@](#): > > I found God. Golly, I didn’t know He was lost! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/14 "2000-08-06T23:13:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Myrr21 \* > \*\*Now if we could only find Jesus Christ the Kidnapped… \*\* I suggest you ask all those people who have seemed to have lost him. You know, they walk up to you, hand you a chick tract/give you a zombiefied smile, and ask, “Have you found Jesus?” I think they should just buy a new one. I mean, how hard can it be? Look at how many saviors the followers of Brian had in _The Life of Brian_. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/15 "2000-08-06T23:13:29Z")
I just met God, and she was black. ---
**Author:** ![Sofis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Sofis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofis)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/16 "2000-08-06T23:18:56Z")
Yeah, yeah, like we’re interested in that. Did you ask her about the _really_ important thing; what’s her sexual orientation? ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2000, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/17 "2000-08-06T23:19:36Z")
> [@](#): > > You know, they walk up to you, hand you a chick tract/give you a zombiefied smile, and ask, “Have you found Jesus?” My response to such people is to answer in one of several other languages–but not in Spanish. I figure if they think I speak German, French, or Russian, or whatever, but not English, they’ll know they have no way to communicate with me. Or I’ll silently touch a fingertip to my closed lips, suggesting I am deaf-mute. I could engage in a debate with such people, but I know I’m wasting my time and theirs, and getting nowhere. One of these people once ruined my luch on the Redondo Piere by ensnaring me this way. ---
**Author:** ![pLt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/eb9ed0/32.png) [@pLt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pLt)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/18 "2000-08-07T03:02:24Z")
Does God realise he will be out of a job when the 2001 elections come about … I’m so going to win … ---
**Author:** ![Demigod\_5](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecd19e/32.png) [@Demigod\_5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Demigod_5)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/19 "2000-08-07T03:25:44Z")
I love people talking about me. I got off on the wrong exit, and Omniscient found me. Thank you Omniscient, for your good deed I will enlighten you. You will die on Thursday…I hope this helps. ---
**Author:** ![Silo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Silo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silo)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/20 "2000-08-07T03:34:33Z")
Wow! I get it! Omni- found GaWd! How cute! 😃 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278.md?page=2)