# I've found God! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 5, 2000, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278 "2000-08-05T22:38:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![BlindFaithe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a4c791/32.png) [@BlindFaithe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlindFaithe)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 8:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/21 "2000-08-07T08:57:35Z")
Howdy there, newbie here. Hiya … nice ta meetchya … 🙂 … g’day … _nods to all except god_ I’m snubbing god … anyone who’d leave two naked babes in the woods alone in the care of evil with full knowledge that evil would stalk and take them just isn’t a very good parent. And then to throw them out of the house without jobs or training! OY! Put god back, it needs time out time … and to write One bazillion times: Love is uncontitional ---
**Author:** ![GaWd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f08c70/32.png) [@GaWd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaWd)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/22 "2000-08-07T09:04:21Z")
As if I’m that hard to find people! Bah! ::Shaking head:: My children will **NEVER** learn!:mad: -Sam ---
**Author:** ![neutron\_star](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/51bf81/32.png) [@neutron\_star](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neutron_star)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/23 "2000-08-07T13:00:58Z")
> [@](#): > > Ask him(her) if he likes Kix. Any good person HAS to like Kix. The cereal or the 80’s hair band? \*sudden and inexplicable vision of god on the phone ordering “Monster Ballads” (not sold in stores!) \* ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/24 "2000-08-07T14:55:58Z")
wait! Was he robed and bearded? Benevolent and omnipotent? See, I lost God a couple of months ago while I was travelling through Illinois. He always slips out there. I wish he’s get out of the habit of sticking his head out the car window. Not very dignified, you see. And he keeps falling out or escaping when I’m at a rest stop. I think you may have found him. If so, there’s a reward. ---
**Author:** ![Zinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e95f7d/32.png) [@Zinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zinger)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/25 "2000-08-07T16:12:45Z")
One day a plane crashed and burned. Among the dead passengers were Bill Gates, Al Gore, and George W. Bush. When asked why God should let him into heaven, Al Gore replied: “I believe in the environment and the internet.” “GREAT!, come on in!” Replied God. When asked the same question, George W. Bush said, I believe in strengthening the military." He, too, was let in. And finally, when Bill Gates reached the big white throne, God asked him the same question. **"I believe… you are sitting in my chair," he said.** ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/26 "2000-08-07T16:17:39Z")
I found him several years ago. I was on campus at Michigan State, and some one came up to me and asked if I’d seen the Lord today, and I replied “Yea, he’s behind Berkey Hall, if you hurry you can catch up with Him…” ---
**Author:** ![little\_bit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@little\_bit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/little_bit)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/27 "2000-08-07T16:24:03Z")
Wring - Actually, I’m pretty sure I saw him bowling in the Union, across from the computer lab. ---
**Author:** ![Lnix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/fbc32d/32.png) [@Lnix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lnix)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/28 "2000-08-07T16:52:11Z")
Just the other day I found my thing, the one I use do to my stuff? It was in my deal the whole time! Could you ask God just when I’m supposed to inherit the effing earth? I’m thinking about getting a lawyer at this point. ---
**Author:** ![Hanofer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c37758/32.png) [@Hanofer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hanofer)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/29 "2000-08-07T20:08:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Omniscient \* > \*\*You’d think he could have found a better hiding spot. \*\* And I thought I’d hidden Him so well… ---
**Author:** ![Moe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moe/32/2972_2.png) [@Moe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moe)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/30 "2000-08-07T21:19:32Z")
What’s evil doing around my dog?!! You keep evil away from him until I can pick him up! You hear? I don’t want my dog being corrupted by e… what? oh… [mumble] damn dislexia [/mumble] ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/31 "2000-08-07T21:26:18Z")
steeljaw: > [@](#): > > Mom’s approve of Kix. God better too. He does. It’s kosher. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Hanofer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c37758/32.png) [@Hanofer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hanofer)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/32 "2000-08-07T21:40:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Coldfire \* > \*\*I just met God, and she was black. \*\* For discerning My true appearance, I grant you a blessing. What would you like? ---
**Author:** ![Poto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ab992/32.png) [@Poto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poto)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/33 "2000-08-07T23:08:39Z")
Ask God what happens to the soul in Alzheimer’s. Does it transfer over when you die, or continuosly in little increments? ---
**Author:** ![psycat90](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@psycat90](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psycat90)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2000, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/34 "2000-08-08T00:38:46Z")
What search engine did you use? ---
**Author:** ![jab1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ee7513/32.png) [@jab1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jab1)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2000, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/35 "2000-08-08T01:53:03Z")
Whenever I see the phrase “Jesus Saves,” I ask, “Where, at the Bank of America?” ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2000, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/36 "2000-08-12T19:15:56Z")
In the early 60s I found that in a local store these two signs were juxtaposed: “Jesus Saves,” and “Blue Chip Stamps.” ---
**Author:** ![rocking\_chair](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rocking_chair/32/2918_2.png) [@rocking\_chair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rocking_chair)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2000, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/37 "2000-08-13T02:16:59Z")
omniscient, was this search for god brought on by the chiefscott smilies incident? ---
**Author:** ![Applebee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/47e85d/32.png) [@Applebee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Applebee)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2000, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/38 "2000-08-13T02:38:02Z")
Now that you’ve found Him, ask Him what the hell He was thinking when He made carrot juice good and alcohol bad. Also ask why He made us so stupid that we didn’t invent the sandwich until 300 years ago. And finally, ask him who He likes for the Triacta at Hialeah on Monday. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Mundo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/bc8723/32.png) [@Mundo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mundo)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2000, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/39 "2000-08-13T02:48:21Z")
Could you also ask him/her/it who wins at Survivor? I could make a lot of money on the answer. ---
**Author:** ![Mundo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/bc8723/32.png) [@Mundo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mundo)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2000, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278/40 "2000-08-13T02:50:02Z")
I just reread that and realized I probabley should have said Him/Her. Sorry if i offended anyone. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-found-god/28278.md?page=3)