# "I've got a banana and I know how to use it!" **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 20, 2009, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-got-a-banana-and-i-know-how-to-use-it/497068 "2009-05-20T14:50:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2009, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-got-a-banana-and-i-know-how-to-use-it/497068/1 "2009-05-20T14:50:47Z")
> [@](#): > > “If he had had a gun he would’ve shot me,” Mabe said. “But he had a banana.” [Linky](http://www2.journalnow.com/content/2009/may/15/151525/sheriffs-office-man-tries-rob-store-using-banana/). ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2009, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-got-a-banana-and-i-know-how-to-use-it/497068/2 "2009-05-20T18:38:34Z")
[John Cleese] 'ow to defend yourself against a man armed with a banana! Now it’s quite simple to defend yourself against a banana fiend. First, you force him to drop the banana. Then, you eat the banana. Thus, disarming 'im! [/John Cleese] [Linky](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfIkMXw_YM4). ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2009, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-got-a-banana-and-i-know-how-to-use-it/497068/3 "2009-05-20T21:30:01Z")
“You have a ‘gub’?” ---
**Author:** ![ToeJam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dfb087/32.png) [@ToeJam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ToeJam)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2009, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-got-a-banana-and-i-know-how-to-use-it/497068/4 "2009-05-20T21:33:39Z")
Heh, I had read this article a few days ago- my favorite part: > [@](#): > > Mabe and the patron held the robber while they waited for the deputies to arrive. Meanwhile, the would-be robber ate the banana. > > “And the deputy said, ‘Ah hah! He ate the evidence,’” Mabe said. “But we had the banana peel and they took a picture of it.” > … > Deputies joked about charging him with destroying evidence, said Major Brad Stanley, a spokesman for the Forsyth County Sheriff’s office. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2009, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-got-a-banana-and-i-know-how-to-use-it/497068/5 "2009-05-20T21:49:55Z")
> [@iamthewalrus\_3](#): > > [John Cleese] > 'ow to defend yourself against a man armed with a banana! > > Now it’s quite simple to defend yourself against a banana fiend. First, you force him to drop the banana. Then, you eat the banana. Thus, disarming 'im! > [/John Cleese] Goddamnit I wanted to do that. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2009, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-got-a-banana-and-i-know-how-to-use-it/497068/6 "2009-05-21T13:26:09Z")
> [@iamthewalrus\_3](#): > > [John Cleese] > 'ow to defend yourself against a man armed with a banana! > > Now it’s quite simple to defend yourself against a banana fiend. First, you force him to drop the banana. Then, you eat the banana. Thus, disarming 'im! > [/John Cleese] > [Linky](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfIkMXw_YM4). Which leads me to post a link to [my favorite martial arts scam site](http://www.streetcombat.8m.com/main.html). > [@](#): > > Master Bristol asked for a volunteer from the audience. He asked the volunteer to take a gun filled with rapid fire paint balls and shoot him. The volunteer took the gun and was ready to fire. Master Bristol quickly flicked at the volunteers wrist. The volunteer proceeded to pull the trigger. Then he realized that there was no trigger. He was now holding a banana rather than a gun. ---
**Author:** ![palindromemordnilap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/db5fbb/32.png) [@palindromemordnilap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/palindromemordnilap)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2009, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-got-a-banana-and-i-know-how-to-use-it/497068/7 "2009-05-21T18:27:53Z")
Orange you glad he didn’t have a gun? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2009, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-got-a-banana-and-i-know-how-to-use-it/497068/8 "2009-05-21T18:42:58Z")
Hey big boy! Is that a banana in your pocket or is this an armed robbery? ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2009, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-got-a-banana-and-i-know-how-to-use-it/497068/9 "2009-05-21T18:49:47Z")
That’s not a banana. [This is a banana!](http://thelongestlistofthelongeststuffatthelongestdomainnameatlonglast.com/largest13.html) ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2009, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-got-a-banana-and-i-know-how-to-use-it/497068/10 "2009-05-21T18:50:59Z")
[And so are these.](http://wonders-ofthe-world.blogspot.com/2009/03/worlds-largest-banana.html) I never thought googling ‘World’s Largest Banana’ could turn up such non-sexual stuff.