# I've Got the Perfect Governmental System! **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [September 7, 2000, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-got-the-perfect-governmental-system/32387 "2000-09-07T18:08:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Gadarene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47c2d/32.png) [@Gadarene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadarene)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2000, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-got-the-perfect-governmental-system/32387/41 "2000-09-08T23:11:54Z")
**Gilligan:** > [@](#): > > After all, we’ve got the majority and the guns, so our current system must be the right one. > [@](#): > > You are recommending change, and everyone knows change is bad. Who knows where it could lead? Besides, if you don’t like the current system, you can just leave. Your continued presence here indicates your consent and acceptance of infant mortality and poverty. > [@](#): > > This failure to respond must be taken as evidence that his “system” would never “work”. **PeeQueue:** > [@](#): > > Actually, it is clearly impossible to do so since it has never been done before. **Necros:** > [@](#): > > But it’s not like what you’re talking about would ever really happen. I mean, I’d never vote for a candidate that ran on this platform. Because they have no chance of winning. Everyone knows that the US is a two-party system. > Isn’t it, like, in the Constitution or something? You know…you guys are right! I never really thought about it before, but I guess my system _is_ hopelessly utopian! I mean, sure, Chocolatebunnyland seems perfect…but **any** society would be perfect if its citizens were all alive and rich and happily bechocolated, secure in the knowledge of the Easter Bunny and his bi-weekly visits! And I didn’t even take into account all the good things our society is doing now, things that the Easter Bunny wouldn’t be able to address by himself. Wow. From now on, I’m gonna stop living in the clouds and start looking for _practical_ solutions to real-world problems. I’ll work within the system, applying my anti-death, anti-poverty, pro-bunny sentiments in order to effect change incrementally, while striving to maintain the benefits that are effectively conferred by our present government. No more of this utopian dreaming for me! Thanks, guys! (Oh, and don’t worry, **Kimstu** …you’d always be welcome in my Chocolatebunnyland utopia. _grin_) ---
**Author:** ![wevets](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e9a140/32.png) [@wevets](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wevets)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2000, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-got-the-perfect-governmental-system/32387/42 "2000-09-08T23:19:53Z")
The ultimate advantage of Choclatebunnyland is, of course, that it is the delivery of choclate is individualized for each and every willing, or non-willing and thus non-cavityfilled, participant. As everyone knows, our current system of bonded, collectivized choclate distribution, where chocolate is distributed to stores which you must all visit, and not brought to you personally, is just one step away from the twin specter of fascist and communist choclate distribution systems: all the chocolate is brought together into these stores at the barrel of a gun. Everyone should get their own personal choclate deliveries because once you become a member of these groups visiting stores, who knows what other limits they shall place on your liberty? You will inevitably become a slave to choclate. In fact, you are already a slave to chocolate, you just don’t realize it. Set us and our chocolate free, Mr. Bunny! ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2000, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-got-the-perfect-governmental-system/32387/43 "2000-09-09T13:34:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kimstu \* > Hey, I’m allergic to chocolate! (Really.) What happens to me in **Gadarene** ’s Chocolatebunnyland utopia? > > (_Sigh_…Kimstu, it’s not all about just little you.) Simple, Kimstu - you give your chocolate to _me_. 🙂 We’ve been overlooking UncleBeer’s important question, though. I personally think the Easter Bunny is capable of delivering the appropriate kind of chocolate, from the desired manufacturer, to the right pillow. So if he wants Godiva, and I want Hershey’s Special Dark, we both get what we want. This will create a world of peaceful, honest chocoholics, and end political strife forever. Especially if the Tooth Fairy can stop by and remove Kimstu’s chocolate allergy. ---
**Author:** ![PatrickM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7feea3/32.png) [@PatrickM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatrickM)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2000, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-got-the-perfect-governmental-system/32387/44 "2000-09-09T16:07:46Z")
I just have a couple of questions about proposed Chocolatebunnyland: 1. Will it be a capital offense, or a civic duty, to bite the ears off of chocolate easter bunnies? 2. Will the country play American, English or Australian rules football? Thank you ---
**Author:** ![FlyingOstrich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/35a633/32.png) [@FlyingOstrich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingOstrich)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2000, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-got-the-perfect-governmental-system/32387/45 "2000-09-09T17:32:19Z")
This all sounds fine and dandy, almost, aside from the hundreds of problems posted above, but Wouldnt this be a Dictatorship in which our Happy Little Easter Bunny was in charge? What if he went insane and decided that he wanted to deliver POISON chocalate? Noone would have the power to stop him! What if he decided to starve the entire nation of chocalate? What if he decided he only liked White, Blond Haired, Blue Eyed People? Then we’d have to face the wrath of THE BUNNY LEGIONS OF DOOM. Then where would we be? ---
**Author:** ![Gadarene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47c2d/32.png) [@Gadarene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadarene)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2000, 9:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-got-the-perfect-governmental-system/32387/46 "2000-09-11T09:40:31Z")
You people are nuts. I had a **simple little idea** about how to perfect society, and look what you’ve done to it. Bah. “Bah,” I say. And also “Feh.” ---
**Author:** ![Danielinthewolvesden](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce7236/32.png) [@Danielinthewolvesden](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danielinthewolvesden)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2000, 9:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-got-the-perfect-governmental-system/32387/47 "2000-09-11T09:52:53Z")
Who would distribute, pay for, and decide who got how much & what kind of chocolate? Why, the Easter Bunnies cousin- The “Free market”. 😃 Would you be forced to eat the chocolate? No, that would be 'coercion". 😃 Who would get to live in Choloclatebunnyland? Any who signed a 'contract", and those on SERIOUS psychoactive drugs. 😃 Oh, and of course- the 1sr President & Imperial Grand Poobah would be Humpty Dumpty- and our motto: “A word means whatever i say it does”. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2000, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-got-the-perfect-governmental-system/32387/48 "2000-09-11T16:31:08Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by PatrickM \* \*\*1. Will it be a capital offense, or a civic duty, to bite the ears off of chocolate easter bunnies? \*\*/quote] Captial offense for capital offenders, civic duty for all others. > [@](#): > > \*\* > 2. Will the country play American, English or Australian rules football? > \*\* American in the South west. English in the North East. Australian in the assorted colonies and protectorates. ---
**Author:** ![NiceGuyJack](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/niceguyjack/32/3069_2.png) [@NiceGuyJack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NiceGuyJack)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2000, 9:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-got-the-perfect-governmental-system/32387/49 "2000-09-12T09:23:28Z")
I think that in a truly ideal society, Playboy bunnies should replace the Chocolate Easter bunnies and their ilk. That would secure my happiness. ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2000, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-got-the-perfect-governmental-system/32387/50 "2000-09-13T05:54:27Z")
Dang. This qualifies as the happiest, least confrontational Great Debate I’ve ever seen. Perhaps when we’re all munching chocolate in our utopia we’ll finally be able to stop those annoying singing porcupines from dive-bombing the kettles. We’ll stop them by using all our sugar rushes in a collective blast of glucose-fulled power to attack the Spencerian Colonies, where the singing porcupines have their orgies of neo-Luddite/neo-neo/Neopolitan dance and song, singing songs that nobody with a true class-consciousness could enjoy or comprehend. And we shall smite those prickly rodents, yea, unto the trillionth generation, and shall cast them into the depths where gnosis begets zealotism and zealotism begets animism and animism begets gnosis, and so on, until Marky Mark rises up from the Eternal Infernal Bar and Roast and screeches at our LORD (G-wd to some of you) to get these damned pests out of his abode. And yea, the chocolate shall fill his mouth, and all of his orifices, until he does collapse from pain and renal failure, and so we shall all go to sleep at seven, so we may wake up early to find our chocolate. What the hell, sounds good to me! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2000, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-got-the-perfect-governmental-system/32387/51 "2000-09-13T13:05:19Z")
**Danielinthewolvesden** said: > [@](#): > > Oh, and of course- the 1sr President & Imperial Grand Poobah would be Humpty Dumpty- and our motto: “A word means whatever i say it does”. See? And you claimed you didn’t understand libertarianism! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Danielinthewolvesden](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce7236/32.png) [@Danielinthewolvesden](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danielinthewolvesden)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2000, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-got-the-perfect-governmental-system/32387/52 "2000-09-14T01:44:45Z")
Polycarp: have i ever mentioned how wise & astute you are? 😃 Niceguy: I like it!! ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2000, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-got-the-perfect-governmental-system/32387/53 "2000-09-20T13:32:15Z")
I think it sound like a great system. And I think we will initiate a beautiful, glorious, new world just as soon as we kill all those anti-chocolatites, and bathe in their blood. ---
**Author:** ![FlyingOstrich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/35a633/32.png) [@FlyingOstrich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingOstrich)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2000, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-got-the-perfect-governmental-system/32387/54 "2000-09-20T20:14:12Z")
See? There will ALLWAYS be the disgruntled one 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Pergau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7c8e57/32.png) [@Pergau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pergau)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2000, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-got-the-perfect-governmental-system/32387/55 "2000-09-21T13:25:59Z")
Surely, we could make the people who are allergic to choclate, work in the factories that that make the Easter eggs. that way we could be sure that they wouldn’t eat any of the eggs. And if they had to wear gloves etc, we would have perfect hygenic conditions. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Marquis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a8b319/32.png) [@The\_Marquis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Marquis)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2000, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-got-the-perfect-governmental-system/32387/56 "2000-09-21T17:01:08Z")
What checks and balances would we have in place to ensure our safety from the bunnies? That is to say, what if, like in every episode of Star Trek(the original, not those posuers from the 90’s)the bunnies turned against their dark masters(IE: us)? Suddenly your utopian paradise has become a John Cameron movie(Titanic or Terminator II, its up to you). What then huh?!! Oh the humanity. ohhhh, that doggie has a twisty tail… ---
**Author:** ![The\_Marquis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a8b319/32.png) [@The\_Marquis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Marquis)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2000, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-got-the-perfect-governmental-system/32387/57 "2000-09-21T17:08:32Z")
clearly I meant to say James Cameron…John Cameron is the guy I play squash with…which also has decidedly non-utopian implications ---
**Author:** ![Ator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Ator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ator)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2000, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-got-the-perfect-governmental-system/32387/58 "2000-09-21T18:19:45Z")
I suggest we collar the bunnies with mind control devices. But, in accordance with the Evil Overlord rules, we must treat the bunnies with kindness in case our control over them wanes. If the bunnies ever wrested control from us, what assurance do we have they don’t use us to deliver carrots biweekly to all of the bunnies? And what about Boxer, and Napoleon, and the sheep? ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2000, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-got-the-perfect-governmental-system/32387/59 "2000-09-21T18:38:30Z")
> [@](#): > > All that’s required for this system to work is a society in which no one dies young, no one’s poor, and the Easter Bunny exists and is willing to contract out his labor for the distribution of chocolate. OK, I’m fine with the Easter Bunny/chocolate issue. What I have a concern with is the idea that no one dies young. If everyone is immortal until a certain age, then certain questions must be answered: 1. What is the Age of Mortality? This is an obvious question. At exactly what age is it no longer safe to drink bleach or play in traffic? 2. What effect will this have on the economy? We’re talking about a huge influx of consumers who would be interested in buying all sorts of stuff, including chainsaws, hemlock, and Xtreme Sports paraphenalia. Would the free market be able to cope? What effect would this have on the “no one is poor” precept? 3. The average IQ loss. Without the threat of mortality, our youth would become even stupider and reckless than they are now (Now THAT’S scary!). They would run about, with no morals or forethought, causing the death rate of the Older Folk to skyrocket (Traffic accidents, general looting, causing fires). Plus, they’re own generation would see a higher mortality once they passed the Mortality Age. 4. In the worst scenario, our utopia would see a youth led Armageddon, as they realize just how powerful an immortal, vital, hyper army would be. We’d be toast. ---
**Author:** ![FlyingOstrich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/35a633/32.png) [@FlyingOstrich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingOstrich)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2000, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-got-the-perfect-governmental-system/32387/60 "2000-09-21T20:13:51Z")
…you must remember, over time this would become the normal social order. Young people would have no need to loot in this society, allready being provided all they needed and more, allong the lines of The Stand by Stephen King. Also, those that did loot and destroy and Crash cars would be punished by getting less of the allmighty good-- chocalate. So noone would, for fear of brining the Wrath of Bunnies down on them 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-got-the-perfect-governmental-system/32387.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-got-the-perfect-governmental-system/32387.md?page=4)