# I've gotta stop eating in restaurants! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 6, 2013, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-gotta-stop-eating-in-restaurants/649440 "2013-02-06T01:29:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Fluffy\_PickleSniffer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/77aa72/32.png) [@Fluffy\_PickleSniffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fluffy_PickleSniffer)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2013, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-gotta-stop-eating-in-restaurants/649440/1 "2013-02-06T01:29:35Z")
Tonight I met with a friend for supper at the Mexican restaurant in town. The place was really hopping and most of the tables and booths were filled. Across the way from us was a booth with a family of four and they were loud but fun, laughing a lot. It was a really good meal as usual – these guys are some of the best cooks in town – but I was starting to have my usual problem with eating out, I get gas. I was hoping to get out of there before I lost control over my brewing insides. My friend and I had finished our meals and were just talking as we waited for the check and the family was laughing loudly about something they thought hilarious. The waiter came by and checked on them and my friend and I started paying attention and watching, ready to flag him down if he didn’t come by our table after theirs. Well, the family was laughing because one of the teens had burped and apparently in some country it’s a compliment to your host to burp after a meal. So the waiter said “Yes I think I’ve heard that – but not in Mexico or America!” and he left their table and came to ours. He gave us our check and said “Did you ladies hear what they said over there about letting gas go for compliments?” and that’s when I lost control. I just about died – my butt\*\* EXPLODED\*\* in one of the loudest farts I’ve ever let go. I was so embarrassed. My friend started to giggle and the waiter said “No Miss! No Miss! They said the BELCHING is the compliment! That’s the wrong letting go of gas!” My friend gave up giggling and broke into loud hoots and laughter at this and I just buried my head in my hands, face burning with embarrassment and said, “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” and my friend is laughing, the waiter is laughing, the family across the way is howling – best entertainment they’d had all night. The waiter left and I can hear him talking to the host up front “Yes! That’s what you heard! It’s okay though – I think she meant well!” Oh man, I’m gonna DIE! My friend was lying down on the booth seat at this point gasping for breath she was laughing so hard. I grabbed the check and got my money out, put a tip on the table and got up – no way I’m staying here any longer! Went up front and paid and my friend caught up to me as I was finished paying. The host said “Come again ladies, but please no compliments next time!” Aww, man! It’s going to be a long time before I can go back in that place again! ☹ ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2013, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-gotta-stop-eating-in-restaurants/649440/2 "2013-02-06T01:37:20Z")
Why not just excuse youself, go to the restroom, find a stall, and fire away? Everyone farts. Don’t sweat it. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2013, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-gotta-stop-eating-in-restaurants/649440/3 "2013-02-06T01:38:10Z")
GasX is your friend, or Beano, maybe both. Preemptive measures can be priceless. No more beans for you! Next time, just excuse yourself and let loose in a bathroom stall, no one will think twice about it. And wear a wig. ---
**Author:** ![Sahirrnee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sahirrnee/32/13937_2.png) [@Sahirrnee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sahirrnee)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2013, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-gotta-stop-eating-in-restaurants/649440/4 "2013-02-06T01:51:28Z")
roflmfaotrdmfgfb tyvm I needed that ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2013, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-gotta-stop-eating-in-restaurants/649440/5 "2013-02-06T01:59:06Z")
and maybe… just maybe… don’t eat Mexican food? ---
**Author:** ![Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/face_intentionally_left_blank/32/288_2.png) [@Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Face_Intentionally_Left_Blank)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2013, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-gotta-stop-eating-in-restaurants/649440/6 "2013-02-06T02:05:46Z")
I love this post. ---
**Author:** ![ReticulatingSplines](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@ReticulatingSplines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReticulatingSplines)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2013, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-gotta-stop-eating-in-restaurants/649440/7 "2013-02-06T02:11:55Z")
Why can’t all new members be like you? ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2013, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-gotta-stop-eating-in-restaurants/649440/8 "2013-02-06T02:22:16Z")
Learning curve’s a little too steep for some people. ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2013, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-gotta-stop-eating-in-restaurants/649440/9 "2013-02-06T14:50:17Z")
Best post/poster name combo of the week. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2013, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-gotta-stop-eating-in-restaurants/649440/10 "2013-02-06T14:56:11Z")
Sneak brag! I’m impressed. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2013, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-gotta-stop-eating-in-restaurants/649440/11 "2013-02-06T14:57:27Z")
> [@SeaDragonTattoo](#): > > GasX is your friend, or Beano, maybe both. Preemptive measures can be priceless. No more beans for you! > > Next time, just excuse yourself and let loose in a bathroom stall, no one will think twice about it. And wear a wig. Throw in some Lactaid for good measure, if you’re having the cheese enchiladas. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2013, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-gotta-stop-eating-in-restaurants/649440/12 "2013-02-06T15:39:10Z")
All you people with the serious answers, SHUT UP! This post is too priceless and too funny to waste on serious answers. I almost never laugh at fart jokes but this one is just hilarious! Thanks for sharing… ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2013, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-gotta-stop-eating-in-restaurants/649440/13 "2013-02-06T15:45:54Z")
They really do process a lot of cheese in Wisconsin. ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2013, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-gotta-stop-eating-in-restaurants/649440/14 "2013-02-06T16:13:03Z")
That stinks! ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2013, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-gotta-stop-eating-in-restaurants/649440/15 "2013-02-06T16:16:15Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > They really do process a lot of cheese in Wisconsin. Awesome. See, now, if you eat at home, you can always blame that sort of thing on the dog. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2013, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-gotta-stop-eating-in-restaurants/649440/16 "2013-02-06T16:33:08Z")
See, if you were a man you’d have responded with a high five. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2013, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-gotta-stop-eating-in-restaurants/649440/17 "2013-02-06T16:52:30Z")
> [@Fluffy\_PickleSniffer](#): > > My friend was lying down on the booth seat at this point gasping for breath she was laughing so hard. You’re certain it was the laughter?😛 ---
**Author:** ![Enlightening\_Meditation](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecc23a/32.png) [@Enlightening\_Meditation](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enlightening_Meditation)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2013, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-gotta-stop-eating-in-restaurants/649440/18 "2013-02-06T16:52:59Z")
It could have been worse. A friend of mine ripped a big one while testifying as expert witness in court. He described it as a huge ‘BRAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!’ amplified by the oak bench of the witness stand and echoed through the courtroom. The judge even laughed and had to call a short recess for the hilarity to blow over. ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2013, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-gotta-stop-eating-in-restaurants/649440/19 "2013-02-06T17:56:22Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > All you people with the serious answers, SHUT UP! This post is too priceless and too funny to waste on serious answers. I almost never laugh at fart jokes but this one is just hilarious! Thanks for sharing… Totally! Normally I don’t like fart jokes, but this one…oh, my. I had _tears!_ 😃 ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2013, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-gotta-stop-eating-in-restaurants/649440/20 "2013-02-06T18:02:24Z")
> [@Enlightening\_Meditation](#): > > It could have been worse. A friend of mine ripped a big one while testifying as expert witness in court. He described it as a huge ‘BRAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!’ amplified by the oak bench of the witness stand and echoed through the courtroom. The judge even laughed and had to call a short recess for the hilarity to blow over. Now _that_ would be embarrassing! How could he retain his dignity having to re-take the stand after that? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-gotta-stop-eating-in-restaurants/649440.md?page=2)