# I've just invited you over for a sit-down dinner. Do you bring anything? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 3, 2014, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-just-invited-you-over-for-a-sit-down-dinner-do-you-bring-anything/703533 "2014-11-03T17:19:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2014, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-just-invited-you-over-for-a-sit-down-dinner-do-you-bring-anything/703533/61 "2014-11-04T14:30:16Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Under such circumstances, do you bring a dessert? A bottle of wine? Anything at all? Customarily, I bring bottles of wine (what am I, some kind of lightweight with “a” bottle!) and some sort of after-dinner chocolate item - not dessert, more like Mint Thins or an [ambassador’s golden balls](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ferrero_Rocher) in a box. If I _know_ you don’t drink, I’ll bring grape juice for you, but I’ll still bring the wine for me, unless you’ve in AA or strict Kosher (although I can get kosher wine easily enough) or whatever. If it’s a dress-up dinner, I might also bring flowers. > [@](#): > > Also consider the converse. You’ve invited me and my wife to a sit-down dinner with you and your immediate family. Would you be offended if I brought a dessert or wine? Not at all. If you are bringing dessert, though, I expect you to let me know ahead of time, otherwise we’ll be having two desserts. That would be … terrible. ---
**Author:** ![August\_West](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/august_west/32/18069_2.png) [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2014, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-just-invited-you-over-for-a-sit-down-dinner-do-you-bring-anything/703533/62 "2014-11-04T16:14:45Z")
If I were invited to dinner at **Skald** ’s house, I’d bring a bullet-proof vest, several types of anti-venin, and a body double. Anyone else, a bottle of wine. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2014, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-just-invited-you-over-for-a-sit-down-dinner-do-you-bring-anything/703533/63 "2014-11-04T17:05:29Z")
I always take wine, except to one house where they know wine a lot better than us, so we take flowers. I’d be a bit put out if someone brought dessert without asking me first. It’d be like what, do you not trust my cooking? ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2014, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-just-invited-you-over-for-a-sit-down-dinner-do-you-bring-anything/703533/64 "2014-11-04T17:09:18Z")
> [@](#): > > If I invited YOU to dinner, I would just ask you to bring the macaroni. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2014, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-just-invited-you-over-for-a-sit-down-dinner-do-you-bring-anything/703533/65 "2014-11-04T17:12:35Z")
> [@Spoons](#): > > I’ll always ask the host what I can bring. If the answer is “nothing” (as it usually is, since my friends know I’m lousy in the kitchen and any dessert item asked for will be likely store-bought), I’ll still bring a bottle of wine. This is what I’d do, too. Unless the hosts don’t drink, in which case I’d bring a bunch of flowers or even a potted plant. If it’s a housewarming sit-down, I’ll often bring over freshly potted herbs. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2014, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-just-invited-you-over-for-a-sit-down-dinner-do-you-bring-anything/703533/66 "2014-11-04T17:14:07Z")
Unless I was specifically asked to bring something, I would always, always, always bring a bottle of wine. [spoiler]You think I’m going to drink the swill you will be serving? Just kidding. Mostly. [/spoiler] ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2014, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-just-invited-you-over-for-a-sit-down-dinner-do-you-bring-anything/703533/67 "2014-11-04T17:21:02Z")
> [@GrumpyBunny](#): > > Either flowers, a plant, or a bottle of wine that I’d be sure to mention “I hope you and your spouse enjoy this later”, so the host doesn’t think I expect them to open it with tonight’s dinner. > > I was brought up to bring a “hostess gift”, and by god, I’ll do just that! Wine of course. I would not expect it to be opened unless they wanted to. Depending on the hosts, perhaps some good beer. A plant is right out. I guess depending on the type of party and what is legal in your area. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2014, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-just-invited-you-over-for-a-sit-down-dinner-do-you-bring-anything/703533/68 "2014-11-04T17:48:31Z")
Bottle of wine at a minimum, a dish if asked. But I do not bring a dish if not asked or without permission as I don’t want it to interfere with what you have prepared. Box of chocolates if I know you are an alkie. If you are an alkie and a diabetic, I bring a little knick knack as a gift if there was no dish assigned for me to bring. ---
**Author:** ![Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slow_moving_vehicle/32/291_2.png) [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slow_Moving_Vehicle)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2014, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-just-invited-you-over-for-a-sit-down-dinner-do-you-bring-anything/703533/69 "2014-11-04T21:40:40Z")
Of course. Bottle of wine or flowers, or both. 'Cuz I was “raised right”. ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2014, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-just-invited-you-over-for-a-sit-down-dinner-do-you-bring-anything/703533/70 "2014-11-04T22:04:40Z")
> [@Spoons](#): > > I’ll always ask the host what I can bring. If the answer is “nothing” (as it usually is, since my friends know I’m lousy in the kitchen and any dessert item asked for will be likely store-bought), I’ll still bring a bottle of wine. This. My default is wine, beer or flowers, depending on the host/hostess. OR, seeing as how most of my friends are also pet-owners…I might bring some pet treats. People seem to love getting pet treats as gifts, it shows that I know how much they value their pets, even though said pets are usually locked up when they have guests over for dinner. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2014, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-just-invited-you-over-for-a-sit-down-dinner-do-you-bring-anything/703533/71 "2014-11-04T22:08:42Z")
I don’t bring anything unless asked to. I feel that the adults I hang out with aren’t children to be coddled. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2014, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-just-invited-you-over-for-a-sit-down-dinner-do-you-bring-anything/703533/72 "2014-11-04T22:32:44Z")
> [@YogSosoth](#): > > I don’t bring anything unless asked to. I feel that the adults I hang out with aren’t children to be coddled. Ahhh, you’re _that_ guy. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2014, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-just-invited-you-over-for-a-sit-down-dinner-do-you-bring-anything/703533/73 "2014-11-05T00:59:54Z")
The guy that doesn’t bring anything? Yes I am ---
**Author:** ![dalej42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@dalej42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalej42)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2014, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-just-invited-you-over-for-a-sit-down-dinner-do-you-bring-anything/703533/74 "2014-11-05T01:13:35Z")
I’d bring a decent bottle of wine unless I knew you didn’t drink. I would not at all be offended if you brought one if you were at my dinner. I’d be quite happy if you brought a six pack of good beer. ---
**Author:** ![MareIt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ea666f/32.png) [@MareIt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MareIt)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2014, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-just-invited-you-over-for-a-sit-down-dinner-do-you-bring-anything/703533/75 "2014-11-05T01:16:06Z")
If I get invited to a holiday dinner at my dad’s house, I take 2 bottles of a drinkable wine to go with the undrinkable wine they offer. The first time I did it, the 2nd bottle barely got touched. By the next year, my two bottles were killed immediately once people realized that I did not inherit his taste in wine. Otherwise, it depends on who it is and the time of the meal… Holiday meals before 2pm generally have me arriving with a couple of bottles of prosecco and orange juice for mimosas. Regular “nice” dinners get a bottle of wine if they turned down my offerings of a side or dessert. Regular “can’t get a sitter come to my house instead” dinners get whatever I believe said parents will enjoy the most. Sometimes that means I cook dinner at their house, or at the least do the dishes! ---
**Author:** ![Bozuit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/edb3f5/32.png) [@Bozuit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bozuit)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2014, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-just-invited-you-over-for-a-sit-down-dinner-do-you-bring-anything/703533/76 "2014-11-05T01:21:46Z")
I find the idea that anyone should owe anyone anything for a dinner party, whether it’s wine or dessert or even a thank you note, somewhat disagreeable. If I invite you to dinner, it’s because I expect it to be fun for all, including me. In fact, I find it strange to even be thanked after a visit - I wouldn’t have invited you if it was something I needed to be thanked for. Likewise, I don’t expect to be invited to dinner by someone who’s doing it for anything other than fun, and if they see it as a favour to me, I wouldn’t be that interested in being there. But I’d probably bring wine, because it’s normal, and because you never know if you’ll need another bottle. _And_ I’d say thank you afterwards. You’re certainly not getting a note, though. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2014, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-just-invited-you-over-for-a-sit-down-dinner-do-you-bring-anything/703533/77 "2014-11-05T01:26:54Z")
This is what I think about it: > [@](#): > > ELAINE: Oh listen we should stop off on the way and get a bottle of wine or something. > > JERRY: Yeah. (pointing at Elaine as he goes into the bedroom) > > GEORGE: What for? > > ELAINE: These people invited us for dinner. We have to bring something. > > GEORGE: Why? > > ELAINE: Because it’s rude, otherwise. > > GEORGE: You mean just going there because I’m invited, that’s rude? > > ELAINE: Yes. > > GEORGE: So you’re telling me instead of them being happy to see me, they’re going to be upset because I didn’t bring anything. Ttst --You see what I’m saying? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2014, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-just-invited-you-over-for-a-sit-down-dinner-do-you-bring-anything/703533/78 "2014-11-05T02:37:45Z")
> [@YogSosoth](#): > > This is what I think about it: Just so you’re cool with being _that_ guy, all is good. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2014, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-just-invited-you-over-for-a-sit-down-dinner-do-you-bring-anything/703533/79 "2014-11-05T02:58:26Z")
I really am. I feel as the fictitious version of Larry David feels: antiquated and senseless social norms should be violated and rejected until they are no longer the norm ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2014, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-just-invited-you-over-for-a-sit-down-dinner-do-you-bring-anything/703533/80 "2014-11-05T03:05:08Z")
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