All at once, he sent me round a note
Here’s the very note,
This is what he wrote:
“Can’t get away to marry you today,
My wife, won’t let me!”
Got a surprise from my honey
Got a message from my girl
When she picked up a pen from beside her bed
And wrote me a scribbled note
Said, she’d be coming back to see me
That she would be visiting real soon
Gonna get up from her long white bed
And leave this cold white room
So take a letter, Maria
Address it to my wife
Say I won’t be coming home
Got to start a new life
Take a letter, Maria
Address it to my wife
Send a copy to my lawyer
Got to start a new life
Our D-I-V-O-R-C-E becomes final today
Me and little J-O-E will be goin’ away
I love you both and it will be pure H-E double L for me
Oh, I wish that we could stop this D-I-V-O-R-C-E.
Get on your Harley Davidson menstrual cycle
And ride it like a motorbike
I’m finna blow the mic the whole night, so
Strike up the f-ckin’ maestro, I’m nitro
And hi, ho, hand me my shovel!
I’m liable to dig my hole deeper
And it’s off to H-E double hockey sticks, I go
Now the D and the A and the M
And the N and the A
And the T and the I-O-N
Lose your face, lose your name
Then get fitted for a suit of flame
L is for the way you look at me.
O is for the only one I see.
V is very, very extraordinary.
E is even more than anyone that you adore can.
I have always thought in the back of my mind, “Cheese and Onions”.
I have always thought that the world was unkind, “Cheese and Onions”.
Do I have to spell it out ?
“C-H-E-E-S-E A-N-D O-N-I-O-N-S”, oh no.
Well, hell yeah
I smell T-R-O-U-B-L-E…
My friends, you got trouble, right here in River City
Trouble, with a capital T, and that rhymes with P, and that stands for pool
'Cause I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places I’d never been
So you put me down oh
Some guys fall in love with one girl, I gotta fall for two
There’s just so much lovin’ that one heart’s supposed to do
So I go around with my heart draggin’ on the ground
Doggin’ me around, I’m the sorriest sight in town
I got double trouble, I got double trouble
I got double trouble twice as much as anybody else, oh yeah
Baby, you’ll come knocking on my front door
Same old line you used to use before
I said ya, well
What am I supposed to do
I didn’t know what I was getting into
So you’ve had a little trouble in town
Now you’re keeping some demons down
Stop draggin’ my
Stop draggin’ my
Stop draggin’ my heart around
Ashes of laughter,
The coast is clear,
Why do the best things always disappear?
Like Ophelia,
Please, darken my door…
If you can’t be a ham and do Hamlet
They will not give a damn or a damlet
Just recite an occasional sonnet
And your lap’ll have honey upon it
And it’s one, two, three
What are we fighting for?
Don’t ask me, I don’t give a damn
Next stop is Vietnam
123
Oh that’s how elementary
It’s gonna be
Come on, let’s fall in love
It’s easy
One, two, three, four,
Can I have a little more?
Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, I love you.
A, B, C, D,
Can I bring my friend to tea?
E, F, G, H, I, J, I love you.
You love me and you let me know
Darlin’
Remember these 3 words:
I love you
I love you
I love you…
I love you always forever
Near and far closer together
Everywhere I will be with you
Everything I will do for you