# I've transformed into a hottie (longish) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 5, 2010, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-transformed-into-a-hottie-longish/542048 "2010-06-05T12:45:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-transformed-into-a-hottie-longish/542048/21 "2010-06-08T10:26:44Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > Oh, hey,\*\* PRR\*\*! > How _you_ doin’, you sexy thing? > 😉 [Adds “Tucson” to list of places to visit] ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 11:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-transformed-into-a-hottie-longish/542048/22 "2010-06-08T11:22:13Z")
> [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](#): > > I will probably have a enormous discussion with her (“The train is pulling out of the station --do you want on or off? And if you bail this time, I think you’ll need to check straight into a mental ward, because I’m asking you to make a solid commitment this time, and to be pretty fucking sure you’re totally comfortable that this is what you want…” kind of talk. You know that the polite, but nonetheless very clear way to have this conversation is to paraphrase it as: “Do you want to marry me?”. Any other answer then “yes”, or hedging, will tell you all you need to know. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-transformed-into-a-hottie-longish/542048/23 "2010-06-08T11:47:32Z")
Take Girl #4 off the table, right now. I won’t go so far as to say that nobody ever changes, but if a manipulative person is capable of changing it’s a thing that takes decades, not months. You already know her game. You already know how it’s going to happen. You want that danger and you want the win, but you gotta walk away from that. There is nothing good for you there, and you know it. Trust me. My heartbreak-boy was just in my house demanding “cuddles.” Fuck him. He’s already shown that he doesn’t give a damn about me or how his actions hurt me. I know he made the wrong choice, and sure he regrets it now that he’s gotten over his ego enough to realize it. But he hasn’t changed and he’d just pull the same crap again. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-transformed-into-a-hottie-longish/542048/24 "2010-06-08T17:21:22Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > You already know her game. You already know how it’s going to happen. You want that danger and you want the win, but you gotta walk away from that. There is nothing good for you there, and you know it. Exactamundo. Take the **BigT** -style “win” and tell her she missed her chance so buh-bye. Besides, even if she _says_ she’ll commit to you, you know perfectly well that she’s likely to change her mind at any second. Everybody who’s ever read one of the threads about her knows she’s bad news. I know it can be hard to let go of someone you’re really into, but you know you have to. ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-transformed-into-a-hottie-longish/542048/25 "2010-06-08T23:42:54Z")
when my friends IRL agree with each other, it’s kinda scary, and when my online friends also agree, its even scarier, and when both groups agree unanimously with each other, I may have to consider taking their advice. Especially when it’s being screamed at me. So a plan of action is beginning to form. I think I’m going to see if Girl # 2 still finds me attractive (we hit a small glitch on Sunday but I think we’re fine now) and date her exclusively. Girl #1 is a little bit needy and clingy, and I’m not quite sure if Girl #3 has made up her mind yet. Girl #4 needs to make a firm decision to commit (which could take the next few days or next few years) and THEN I think I need to tell her now I’M going to think it over for a while. So if I can date girl #2, and let this process with girl #4 transpire over time (which it may never do), I should be able to date girl #2 for a good while, and if things don’t work out there, possibly get girl #4 in the end anyway. The glitch I hit with girl #2 was offering to go home with her after we had gone to the beach on Sunday. Uncharacteristically (usually, I’m a pretty polite guy) I suggested rather rudely “How about we go to your house, you can cook us dinner, and I’ll stay over?” I was being a little obnoxious, and she took it wrong, and kind of blew up, telling me that was presumptuous of me, that who did I think I was making demands on, etc. When she calmed down, and listened to me apologizing for being obnoxious, for inviting myself over, for not asking her more nicely, etc. After telling me how hurt she was, pretty lengthily, she’s been sweet and friendly the last couple of days. The downside, as she explained to me, is that she’s very sensitive, and I need to treat her carefully and thoughtfully. I have no problem doing this, but this may forebode a volatile relationship. I don’t know. But I’ll be nice to her, see if that stalls off any emotional overreactions on her part, and find out what I have here. So I’m going to try Door #2. Thanks for playing, folks. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-transformed-into-a-hottie-longish/542048/26 "2010-06-10T02:08:14Z")
> [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](#): > > I texted her back, but it was like “Gotta get to work now,” and she’d be “Do u have 2? Play hooky w me? U cd b here by 10 AM,” like that all morning. The problem with eliminating #4 is that she’s off **Drachillix** ’s chart for “I’d like to be with her” --she’s a 10 in that category (and for looks, and some others) while the others are like 3 or 4 at best–so she sweeps the \*\*Drachillix \*\*charts, but sadly is the least committed now. I will probably have a enormous discussion with her (“The train is pulling out of the station --do you want on or off? And if you bail this time, I think you’ll need to check straight into a mental ward, because I’m asking you to make a solid commitment this time, and to be pretty fucking sure you’re totally comfortable that this is what you want…” kind of talk) before opting for #s 1, 2, or 3, just to be sure that I’m not walking away from something I’ve wanted for months and months, and still I understand that I will be taking a tremendous chance there. The Drachillix system is just placing 4 is like her best 3 next best 2 next best 1 least This is so a one off dinner with Mariah Carey cannot destroy the grading curve, no such thing as a 10 on this system only a 1 to X (x being the number of ladies) Girl #4 would have a 1 in the “into you” type category or “willingness to commit” if this is important to you, it will take alot of other pluses to offset. With a maximum of 24 points possible (on my hypothetical 6 categories) and a median of 15 a swing of 3 is a BIG shift. Choosing someone with a 1 in any category is probably going to mean this will be an ongoing issue in your relationship. The categories are based on what is important to you. Doing this myself a couple times actually had a “likes sushi bars” ranking. You may want to sit down and do this list and talk about some of these items to get a feel for any you may not be sure about. I met someone once who reminds me of what you describe, everything I wanted in one magically delicious package, wanted me around, just didn’t want any committment after months of torturing myself hoping she would change her mind or warm up to me, I gave up. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-transformed-into-a-hottie-longish/542048/27 "2010-06-10T02:15:20Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > Men, too. I can go weeks without hearing from any of my fling type guys, but then all at once, I will be bombarded with texts from every direction. It’s crazy. How about you and me go get some Hodells 😃 ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-transformed-into-a-hottie-longish/542048/28 "2010-06-10T03:57:45Z")
More complications–no sooner did I pick Girl #2, than she dumped me. “We’ve had a wonderful time, but it’s too much too fast, and I have a tendency to bail when things don;t feel quite right to me, so I’m afraid I’m going to bail on you now…” Now the move is, I suppose, to gauge whether Girl #3 is willing to act on her interest, or if that interest has cooled off some. As the world turns…is this a corollary of the above -expressed Laws of Women, that whichever one you pick, she does a 180 on you? Feels like that. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-transformed-into-a-hottie-longish/542048/29 "2010-06-10T04:00:35Z")
> [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](#): > > As the world turns…is this a corollary of the above -expressed Laws of Women, that whichever one you pick, she does a 180 on you? Feels like that. That one’s not women-specific, it’s known as the “Psych! Ha ha!” move, and it’s practiced widely by both sexes. ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2010, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-transformed-into-a-hottie-longish/542048/30 "2010-06-23T15:31:38Z")
Update: we have a winner! It’s girl #4, back for a record-breaking fifth shot at smashing my heart, intestines, and other innards into leetle, leetle, slimy molecular-sized bits. This time, she assures me that she’s willing to commit whole-heartedly to me, without reservations, without other guys in the back of her mind, and without issues, which I find irresistible. More precisely, what I find irresistible is the satisfying possibility of getting a win out of this, as someone ( **Sven**?) put it upthread, and of not looking back on these past 8 months as heart-wrenching, soul-destroying agony but rather as a rocky start to a fulfilling romance. That’s not how the smart money is betting, of course, but no one is accusing me of behaving intelligently here. The heart has its reasons, as my friend Pascal likes to say, that reason knows nothing of, and I’m going with what feels right rather than what makes the most sense. In doing what I’m doing, I’m rejecting some of the best, most unanimous and well-intended advice (both here and IRL) I’ve ever gotten, so I’m going to need a lot of luck to pull this off. Now I need to dump the other contenders, an ugly task at best, and see what this adventure holds. I am so jazzed! ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2010, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-transformed-into-a-hottie-longish/542048/31 "2010-06-23T15:44:26Z")
Well, I sincerely wish you a long happy life with Girl #4. It could well be that once she makes up her mind it stays made up. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2010, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-transformed-into-a-hottie-longish/542048/32 "2010-06-23T21:52:48Z")
Thanks for the good wishes, CW. I’d be kicking my own butt around the block if I walked away, but I also must remember that this will be the last time ever to make it work with her. If it fucks up, and I come back for more again, I’ll deserve whatever misery I get. But I’m hopeful that it won’t fuck up this time. ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2010, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-transformed-into-a-hottie-longish/542048/33 "2010-06-24T02:08:13Z")
Well, thanks for the update, I was wondering. Best o’ luck! You don’t deserve any misery. ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2010, 10:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-transformed-into-a-hottie-longish/542048/34 "2010-06-24T10:33:33Z")
Good luck **PRR**. Keep us posted. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2010, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-transformed-into-a-hottie-longish/542048/35 "2010-10-31T11:51:48Z")
**prr,** how are things going with She’s the One-Girl since June? \ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ive-transformed-into-a-hottie-longish/542048.md?page=1)