# Jack-ass Dean Tyler

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856>\
**Category:** The BBQ Pit\
**Created:** [October 29, 2000, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856 "2000-10-29T23:51:38Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 20

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**Author:** ![Jack\_Dean\_Tyler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/46a35a/32.png) [@Jack\_Dean\_Tyler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Dean_Tyler)\
**Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/381 "2000-12-04T00:36:04Z")

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Primaflora,

\> Can I just point out that Jack Nicholson is a right little fuck bunny and has been for many decades. \<

“(R ) ight funny little fuck bunny”? He has been with one woman for so many years that no one knows what the deal is with his penis. Apparently, after his breakup with some actress who insisted that he marry her, he is now with a new actress. Nicholson is, apparently, a 100% faithful man. Also, he has the reputation in Hollywood for being a extremely good lay. I’m not clear how he got this reputation. My money says that he is intact. You shouldn’t be mistaking the man’s acting roles with the man himself. Kind of reminds me of Ronald Reagan when he didn’t know the difference between his movies and reality.

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**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\
**Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/382 "2000-12-04T01:16:42Z")

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Folks, I need your help here . . .

What’s scarier; that JDT is saying this stuff, or that he might actually believe it?

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**Author:** ![Primaflora](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Primaflora](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Primaflora)\
**Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/383 "2000-12-04T01:16:56Z")

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JDT

you need to read more women’s magazines obviously. Angelica Huston dumped him for infidelity. There was the little matter with Roman Polanski and the underage nymphets…

Hie thee to a supermarket and read the gossip columns!

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**Author:** ![zenith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e19b73/32.png) [@zenith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zenith)\
**Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/384 "2000-12-04T01:34:38Z")

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My daughter went to school with a chick who modeled for Cover Girl. She ran around with Nicholson, it made the gossip columns. I gather she had sex with him as well. And, no Jack, I won’t track her down and ask about the state of his penis, I really don’t care.

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**Author:** ![David\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/51bf81/32.png) [@David\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/David_B)\
**Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/385 "2000-12-04T01:40:29Z")

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Jack said:

> [@](#):
>
> No, David B. has made it very clear that he doesn’t support me (no rationale given, just a dogmatic reaction, apparently).

Apparently the foreskin that you lost from your dick was sewn over your eyes (or maybe the doc missed and cut out some vital portion of your brain). I explained in one of the original threads why I don’t support you. The fact that you choose to ignore it doesn’t make it go away.

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**Author:** ![Jack\_Dean\_Tyler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/46a35a/32.png) [@Jack\_Dean\_Tyler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Dean_Tyler)\
**Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/386 "2000-12-04T03:15:28Z")

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Primaflora,

\> you need to read more women’s magazines obviously. Angelica Huston dumped him for infidelity. There was the little matter with Roman Polanski and the underage nymphets… \<

```
Polanski is cut so nothing would surprise me with him. I vaguely remember the famous event, but I didn't know that Nicholson was involved (I was too young to remember all of the details). I'll check it out. I somehow think that I would have heard if Nicholson was charged with anything. Was he?

```

\> Hie thee to a supermarket and read the gossip columns! \<

```
The supermarket tabloids are the only American papers that I read because they are the only ones with any level of journalist ethics. What have you read? The only thing that I can remember reading was some situation where Jack Nicholson was dancing all over the place with a bunch of women and then getting all exhausted. I don't remember the article saying anything about his sex life, though.
I'll tell you one thing, if Nicholson is a fillanderer, these women that he is doing sure like him anyway because none of them are talking (except to say that he is a good lay). I wonder why that would be . . .
```

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**Author:** ![Jack\_Dean\_Tyler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/46a35a/32.png) [@Jack\_Dean\_Tyler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Dean_Tyler)\
**Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/387 "2000-12-04T03:17:10Z")

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zenith,

\> My daughter went to school with a chick who modeled for Cover Girl. She ran around with Nicholson, it made the gossip columns. I gather she had sex with him as well. And, no Jack, I won’t track her down and ask about the state of his penis, I really don’t care.\<

```
Well then, why did you bring it up? C'mon, why don't you find out if Nicholson is intact? What would it hurt? You know you want to.
```

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**Author:** ![zenith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e19b73/32.png) [@zenith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zenith)\
**Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/388 "2000-12-04T04:44:22Z")

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Jack, whether or not any guy is cut or uncut is not important. If I wanted to know about Nicholson, I would have asked when I heard about the whole thing. I DON’T CARE. What part of that don’t you understand? I only brought it up to show that there is evidence that he is a “right little fuck bunny”. The fact that you care shows that you are one sick puppy. Get some therapy.

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**Author:** ![Primaflora](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Primaflora](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Primaflora)\
**Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/389 "2000-12-04T05:26:53Z")

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zenith

I think JDT is just trolling for TMI again - I am curious that he seems to think that the women’s magazines give details of male goolies in any case.

He must be visiting his local sex shop I think

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**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\
**Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/390 "2000-12-04T06:20:16Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> _Originally excreted by Jack Dean Tyler_  
> The supermarket tabloids are the only American papers that I read because they are the only ones with any level of journalist ethics.

OK, this proves it. _ **No one** _ is this stupid, not even fundies, holocost-denyers, scientologists, or tax-protestors. This guy is obviously an extremely dedicated, insane (in the most literal sense of the word) and lonely, pathetic troll.

I hereby call for his banishment. Who seconds me?

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**Author:** ![zenith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e19b73/32.png) [@zenith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zenith)\
**Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/391 "2000-12-04T07:12:52Z")

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I don’t think poor Jack is a troll, I think he is out of his fucking mind. I think his grip on reality is failing and I much prefer to see him post here (thinking he might further his cause) than to have him snap and go off on a rampage murdering mohels.

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**Author:** ![Jack\_Dean\_Tyler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/46a35a/32.png) [@Jack\_Dean\_Tyler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Dean_Tyler)\
**Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/392 "2000-12-04T07:34:46Z")

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friedo,

```
How do you do?

```

\> OK, this proves it. No one is this stupid, not even fundies, holocost-denyers, scientologists, or tax-protestors. This guy is obviously an extremely dedicated, insane (in the most literal sense of the word) and lonely, pathetic troll. \<

```
Hey, if you want to know what's happening in America, you read the London Times. This is what a lot of people say. I even hear it said on rare occasions in the American mass electronic media. It's a sad fact that many times in America, such papers as the National Enquirer lead the mainstream papers. I'm sure that someone like you can't see any problem with that, though. I mean, you probably don't even see any problem with the fact that someone has cut off a good portion of your penis. And, you call me "insane." You're a standard issue system flunky. Nothing can be more "pathetic" than that.
```

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Primaflora](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Primaflora](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Primaflora)\
**Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/393 "2000-12-04T07:38:55Z")

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Hoo boy

The London Times = The National Enquirer?

In touch with reality much, Jacko?

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**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\
**Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/394 "2000-12-04T07:50:07Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Jack Dean Tyler \*  
> \*\*The supermarket tabloids are the only American papers that I read because they are the only ones with any level of journalist ethics. \*\*

Well, that explains a lot.

Jack, isn’t it about time that you went and played hide and go fuck yourself?

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**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\
**Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/395 "2000-12-04T16:43:37Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> _Originally posted by **drpepper** _
> 
> There’s a lot of other really big stuff that’s worth fighting for, that’s worth investing your time and energies. Stuff that’s bigger and more important than this.

The point you’re missing, **drpepper** , is that _all_ important things _flow_ from circumcision - war, poverty, violence, rape, homosexuality, global warming, head lice, cold toast, etc. It is by solving _this_ problem that _all other_ problems would be solved.

:rolleyes:

Esprix

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**Author:** ![Felice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a88e4f/32.png) [@Felice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Felice)\
**Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/396 "2000-12-04T16:53:55Z")

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\*\*

> [@](#):
>
> _Originally excreted by Jack Dean Tyler_  
> The supermarket tabloids are the only American papers that I read because they are the only ones with any level of journalist ethics.

\*\*

I saw that in “Men in Black.” Agent ‘K’ observed that supermarket tabloids had “Best damn investigative reporting on the planet.”

So I guess that’s where Jack gets his justifications from.

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**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\
**Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/397 "2000-12-04T17:19:50Z")

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**Ken Beacon Proven Relatively Sane.** Story, page A-4.

**Chicago** (SD)–Ken “The Fade” Beacon, the man previously held as the pinnacle of inanity, irrationality, and paranoia by internet denizens was unseated today by a brash young upstart, Jack Dean Tyler.  
Mr. Tyler was reported pleased as punch with his new status as Chief Nutjob, saying “I’m bigger than Jesus now. You know he was uncircumcised, right?” Mr. Tyler spoke to the press from his one-room, fourth-floor walkup. As he made his statements, one hand continued to steady his aluminium-foil hat while the other fiddeld obsessively with a prototype “Tug-Ahoy Mark 2,” a device intended to restore the foreskin of Mr. Tyler’s penis. It is the loss of that foreskin that Mr. Tyler credits with his barking lunacy, allowing him the opportunity to blame anyone and everyone but himself for his own inadequacies and sexual ineptitude and inexperience.  
When asked of his origins, Mr. Tyler claimed to hail from “London, a small city on Mars, near the capital city of Wubble.” But, he added, the public is requested to keep that knowledge a secret, as the Evil Overlords are eagerly awaiting an opportunity to hang him on a tree as they did to Christ and Spiro Agnew.  
Mr. Beacon could not be reached for comment.

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**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\
**Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/398 "2000-12-04T18:50:21Z")

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ROMFFLMHWAO

> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by andros \*  
> \*\*
> 
> But, he added, the public is requested to keep that knowledge a secret, as the Evil Overlords are eagerly awaiting an opportunity to hang him on a tree as they did to Christ and Spiro Agnew.  
> \*\*

But…Jesus wasn’t crucified, he was stoned! (Incidentally, I think that may be something else he and JDT share)

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**Author:** ![BunnyGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@BunnyGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyGirl)\
**Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/399 "2000-12-04T21:06:34Z")

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Oooh, that was funny!

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**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\
**Post date:** [December 4, 2000, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/400 "2000-12-04T21:33:13Z")

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andros,

I love you. That ROCKED.

_still snickering_

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