# Jack-ass Dean Tyler **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 29, 2000, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856 "2000-10-29T23:51:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Gaudere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e495f1/32.png) [@Gaudere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gaudere)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2000, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/81 "2000-11-03T22:42:20Z")
Yes, I thought that was rather queer as well (if you’ll pardon the expression). So what if he’s gay? FTR, I think he’s het or bi; he certainly has a very impassioned opinion as to the proper way to have sex with women, and since he doesn’t appear to have a problem with homosexuals I doubt he’s repressing. He _is_ obsessed with his own dick, but that’s not all _that_ unusual in het men. ::cough **homer** cough:: 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2000, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/82 "2000-11-03T23:17:10Z")
Whatever team he bats for, if he’s an astrophysicist, I’m Amelia Earhardt. Or maybe he meant “when I was majoring in astrophysics at UCLA [for one heartbeat, before I switched to phy. ed.].” ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2000, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/83 "2000-11-04T00:18:09Z")
I could let **Esprix** field this one, but . . . See, being called a homosexual **is** an insult to many people, especially those who might be struggling with their sexual identity. **We** know it’s not insulting, and I agree that I don’t much care for its use as an insult regardless of the circumsic–er, circumstances. But closeted or repressed gays generally **do** see it as an insult. And it’s one way to get under Jack’s skin, using the same backhanded tactics he likes so much. ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2000, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/84 "2000-11-04T00:19:52Z")
Oh, and **Jodi**? I won’t be scared until he claims to be a lawyer and molecular biologist. Brrrrrrr . . . ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2000, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/85 "2000-11-04T02:46:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zette \* > \*\*It’s quite amazing- the accuracy that he read my mind- he’s even better then Cleo the Tarot card reader \*\* Well, shoot. How can I decide which of the two to laugh at more? Oh, and **andros**? > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by andros \* > **And it’s one way to get under Jack’s skin…** Guffaw. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2000, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/86 "2000-11-04T17:14:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by andygirl \* > \*\*Quite frankly, I don’t want any sexual orientation to claim the putz. Some people should be forced into chastity. \*\* With JDT, I don’t think it’s an issue of being _forced_ into anything. Hell, **I’ve** gotten more in the last year than he has! ---
**Author:** ![robinh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b77776/32.png) [@robinh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robinh)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2000, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/87 "2000-11-05T00:04:03Z")
I have been reading and enjoying his thread for several days now and I actually have another theory. I think he has a severe premature ejaculation issue. Think about it. He favors minimal contact, non-penetration sex, he dislikes oral contact and other types of play, he thinks that “satisfied” women don’t move around too much or make too much noise… I think he just has a hair trigger and wants something to blame it on. He probably stumbled onto one of those anti-circ sites and decided that it’s all his parents’ fault for having him snipped. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2000, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/88 "2000-11-05T15:10:35Z")
Just got done a short while ago reading JDT’s response to my post . . . Isn’t it great to know everything? I especially like how he knows more about my foreskin than I do. I’d pay for knowledge like that, I tell ya! ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2000, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/89 "2000-11-06T15:31:10Z")
Especially considering his claims that there’s been no research into the foreskin, yet he seems to be an expert, replete with information (that he claims doesn’t exist). And **andygirl** , it’s only a weapon because he lets it be so. I think **robinh** is on to something, and the man’s got so many issues he’s got a subscription, so let’s just throw something else on the fire that’s sure to bug the shit out of him (as he’s done so well to all of us). I wouldn’t doubt that his sexuality is in big question here, and if he’s going to stand there and flaunt his jackassedness, the least we can do is give him a helping hand… Esprix ---
**Author:** ![jab1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ee7513/32.png) [@jab1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jab1)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2000, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/90 "2000-11-06T15:35:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Esprix \* > **the man’s got so many issues he’s got a subscription** Oh, I like that one. ---
**Author:** ![robinh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b77776/32.png) [@robinh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robinh)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2000, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/91 "2000-11-06T16:54:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Esprix \* > the man’s got so many issues he’s got a subscription a subscription? hell, he’s got microfiche. ---
**Author:** ![Billdo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billdo/32/315_2.png) [@Billdo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billdo)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2000, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/92 "2000-11-07T02:58:52Z")
In the thread continuation, [The circumcision thread: restored](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=45330), Jack replies to psychobunny that: > [@](#): > > Further, I would have to advise any intact man that if it is his desire to please a woman with excellent eroitic sensations, that he should politely ignore her directions during coitus. For the record, I am circumcised, but for my general fund of sexual knowledge, would the women here who have had sex with uncircumcised men tend to agree with Jack’s statement? ::: ducks and runs ::: ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2000, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/93 "2000-11-07T03:31:59Z")
Well, I’m a man, but I’d guess the answer would be yes. Unless, of course, you have a “desire to please [the same] woman with excellent eroitic sensations” again. ---
**Author:** ![jab1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ee7513/32.png) [@jab1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jab1)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2000, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/94 "2000-11-07T16:38:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Falcon \* > **It’s like a train wreck…** No. Train wrecks have more dignity. And they’re over faster. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2000, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/95 "2000-11-08T05:09:45Z")
Well, even if the views in question prove impervious to logic, we can always mine them for some comic relief! Haven’t seen the poster **Iolanthe** around much these days, but she once asked me for something of this sort, so here it is. [Society Has Quite Forsaken All Her Wicked Courses](http://diamond.idbsu.edu/gas/utopia/html/society_has_forsaken.html) by Kimstu Society has quite forsaken all her wicked courses On learning they were prompted by satanic Jewish forces _(Chorus: )_ Who’d vowed eradication of the foreskin! We’re now no longer plagued with any sexual dysfunction, All problems have been vanquished by the magical injunction: _(Chorus: )_ “On no condition tamper with a foreskin!” Our ancestors might suffer from depression or dyslexia Or athlete’s foot or stage fright or obsessive anorexia, Or death or dirty fingernails or amblyopic vision— _(Chorus: )_ But that was just because they used to practice circumcision! _(Chorus: )_ It really was surprising When we gave up circumcising And found instant bliss of every known variety, Which everyone now knows is Making life a bed of roses For our countless happy members—of Society! Erotic customs used to be deplorably creative, Replete with mass perversions cunnilingual and fellative _(Chorus: )_ (They needed to make up for lack of foreskin). But now we know that women’s true erotic satisfaction Is shown by bursts of silence and great spasms of inaction; _(Chorus: )_ The key to female pleasure is the foreskin! Sure, once upon a time we labored under the delusion That we enjoyed those feelings of rich sensual confusion And loud ecstatic writhings in each possible position— _(Chorus: )_ But that was just because we used to practice circumcision! _(Chorus: )_ It really was surprising When we gave up circumcising And found instant bliss of every known variety, Which everyone now knows is Making life a bed of roses For our countless happy members—of Society! We grow those precious cells in special Cloning Project tanks, And we’ve thousands of square miles in the public tissue banks; _(Chorus: )_ We mustn’t risk a scarcity of foreskins! We’ve modified the surgery in rituals for a newborn, So now we graft a spare on every Muslim boy or Jew born— _(Chorus: )_ You really cannot have too many foreskins! To think those people once were such a source of tribulation, With their wars and vast conspiracies for world domination, And pedophilic torture as their evil secret mission— _(Chorus: )_ But that was just because they used to practice circumcision! _(Chorus: )_ Oh, it really is surprising How the end of circumcising Has brought instant bliss of every known variety, So if bliss is your ambition, Take our tip on circumcision, And become a happy member—of Society! ---
**Author:** ![Gaudere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e495f1/32.png) [@Gaudere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gaudere)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2000, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/96 "2000-11-08T05:46:47Z")
May I be the first to say: You rule, Kimstu. ---
**Author:** ![hflathead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ecb155/32.png) [@hflathead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hflathead)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2000, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/97 "2000-11-08T14:37:19Z")
JDT spews his impressive knowledge with all of his posts in his penis thread except for the one he wanted to share with me here- [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=45301](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=45301) Need I say more? Thanks, weirddave. later, Tom. Oh, by the way Mr. Tyler, I’m on my way to the store for a new tank for my flame-thrower, the old one is too small. See you in a while. ---
**Author:** ![Iolanthe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7bcc69/32.png) [@Iolanthe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iolanthe)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2000, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/98 "2000-11-08T16:23:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kimstu \* > **Well, even if the views in question prove impervious to logic, we can always mine them for some comic relief! Haven’t seen the poster Iolanthe around much these days, but she once asked me for something of this sort, so here it is.** “With humbled breast, and every hope laid low, to thy behest, off…” uh, right here _Kimstu_. Even if I’m quiet, I’m still here. (a work of sheer beauty snipped, for space issues.) I’m enthralled. Kimstu, call me if you ever need a kidney. Non-G&S fans, take it from someone who knows and loves Gilbert and Sullivan - **Kimstu is wonderful**. Her parodies get the cadence, language, musical phrasing, and general feel of G&S spot on. ---
**Author:** ![BunnyGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@BunnyGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyGirl)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2000, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/99 "2000-11-08T21:52:43Z")
> [@](#): > > I especially like how he knows more about my foreskin than I do. I’d pay for knowledge like that, I tell ya! ::spooky, medium voice:: Hush! Be still! The spirits are speaking…I’m hearing, I’m hearing…yes, it’s the voice of Iampunha’s foreskin. It says it misses you and why don’t you ever call anymore? That’ll be $20.00 please. ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2000, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856/100 "2000-11-08T22:24:01Z")
I’m not much for L’ing OL, but hearty LOLs to both Kimstu and BunnyGirl. Kimstu, you’re a genius. BunnyGirl, you’re just funny. 🙂 🙂 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-ass-dean-tyler/38856.md?page=6)