# Jack handy ... or handy jack? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 1, 2003, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-handy-or-handy-jack/192317 "2003-08-01T08:13:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![the\_duke\_69](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/48db29/32.png) [@the\_duke\_69](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_duke_69)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-handy-or-handy-jack/192317/1 "2003-08-01T08:13:30Z")
Who is jack handy from SNL and are there any books of his Deep thoughts or any other writings? I believe he is a collection of all the staff writers. any thoughts? ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 8:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-handy-or-handy-jack/192317/2 "2003-08-01T08:25:47Z")
[Jack Handey](http://us.imdb.com/Name?Handey,+Jack) is a real person and an SNL writer. ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-handy-or-handy-jack/192317/3 "2003-08-01T11:24:43Z")
He’s got lots of books. “Deep Thoughts” and “Deeper Thoughts” and “Deepest Thoughts.” I bet you could have guessed those titles eh? ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-handy-or-handy-jack/192317/4 "2003-08-01T13:57:12Z")
For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here’s a tip: why not add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness? - Jack Handey Perhaps, if I am very lucky, the feeble efforts of my lifetime will someday be noticed, and maybe, in some small way, they will be acknowledged as the greatest works of genius ever created by Man. - Jack Handey Real name is Jack Handy ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-handy-or-handy-jack/192317/5 "2003-08-01T15:29:42Z")
One of my favorites (paraphrased from memory) If trees could scream, maybe we wouldn’t be so quick to cut them down. Unless, they screamed all the time, for no good reason. – Jack Handey ---
**Author:** ![lilbtagna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4491bb/32.png) [@lilbtagna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lilbtagna)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-handy-or-handy-jack/192317/6 "2003-08-01T16:20:53Z")
I believe there are also books of his “Fuzzy Memories.” I remember flipping through one at Barnes & Noble not too long ago. ---
**Author:** ![the\_duke\_69](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/48db29/32.png) [@the\_duke\_69](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_duke_69)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-handy-or-handy-jack/192317/7 "2003-08-01T17:11:47Z")
I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to be an eclipse and tell the cave men, “If I have come to destroy you, may the sun be blotted out from the sky.” Just then the eclipse would start, and they’d probably try to kill you or something, but then you could explain about the rotation of the moon and all, and everyone would get a good laugh. Jack handy ---
**Author:** ![lost4life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c4cdca/32.png) [@lost4life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lost4life)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-handy-or-handy-jack/192317/8 "2003-08-01T18:41:51Z")
“The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw” ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-handy-or-handy-jack/192317/9 "2003-08-01T19:02:17Z")
That reminded me of another one I think of whenever I see a sunset. “As I watched the sky turn from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought of the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named him Flint.” – Jack Handey ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-handy-or-handy-jack/192317/10 "2003-08-01T19:29:32Z")
Paraphrased Have you ever been walking to school, only to get splashed with mud? Then you had to decied whether to go to school muddy, or go back home and change, only to be late for school. As the kid was standing there, trying to decied whether to go home and be late, or to go to school muddy, I splashed him again. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2003, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-handy-or-handy-jack/192317/11 "2003-08-01T19:49:07Z")
I think that if you ever fall off the top of a really tall building like the Sears Tower, you should just go totally limp, like a dummy. Then someone might try to catch you because, hey, free dummy. If you met two guys named Flippy and Hambone, which one would you think liked dolphins? Flippy, right? Well you’d be wrong, it’s Hambone. If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a fun thing to tell him is “God is crying.” If he asks why, I say, “probably because of something you did.” ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2003, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-handy-or-handy-jack/192317/12 "2003-08-02T21:53:45Z")
\_\_\_ Probably one of the main problems with owning a robot is when you want him to go out in the snow to get the paper, he doesn’t want to go because it’s so cold, so you have to get out your whip and start whipping him, and the kids start crying, and oh why did I ever get this stupid robot? ---
**Author:** ![Quack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e99b99/32.png) [@Quack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quack)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2003, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-handy-or-handy-jack/192317/13 "2003-08-02T22:05:56Z")
As I lay in bed at night, listening to the rain, it reminds me of urine splashing the inside of a filthy Texaco latrine.