# Jack Thompson's Modest Proposal gives me an idea. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 14, 2005, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-thompsons-modest-proposal-gives-me-an-idea/326255 "2005-10-14T18:03:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Tentacle\_Monster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba9def/32.png) [@Tentacle\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tentacle_Monster)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2005, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-thompsons-modest-proposal-gives-me-an-idea/326255/1 "2005-10-14T18:03:00Z")
Note to the mods: I have no idea where this post should really go, so I picked MPSIMS by default. Jack Thompson is a taint on the American legal profession. I mean that in the anatomical sense: the area between the testicles and anus. He recently sent this to members of the press: > [@](#): > > The video game industry says Sticks and stones can break my bones, but games can never hurt me. Fine. I have a modest proposal for the video game industry. I’ll write a check for $10,000 to the favorite charity of Take-Two Interactive Software, Inc’s chairman, Paul Eibeler - a man Bernard Goldberg ranks as #43 in his book 100 People Who Are Screwing Up America - if any video game company will create, manufacture, distribute, and sell a video game in 2006 like the following: > > Osaki Kim is the father of a high school boy beaten to death with a baseball bat by a 14-year-old gamer. The killer obsessively played a violent video game in which one of the favored ways of killing is with a bat. The opening scene, before the interactive game play begins, is the Los Angeles courtroom in which the killer is sentenced “only” to life in prison after the judge and the jury have heard experts explain the connection between the game and the murder. > > Osaki Kim (O.K.) exits the courtroom swearing revenge upon the video game industry whom he is convinced contributed to his son’s murder. “Vengeance is mine, I will repay” he says. And boy, is O.K. not kidding. > > O.K. is provided in his virtual reality playpen a panoply of weapons: machetes, Uzis, revolvers, shotguns, sniper rifles, Molotov cocktails, you name it. Even baseball bats. Especially baseball bats. > > O.K. first hops a plane from LAX to New York to reach the Long Island home of the CEO of the company (Take This) that made the murder simulator on which his son’s killer trained. O.K. gets “justice” by taking out this female CEO, whose name is Paula Eibel, along with her husband and kids. “An eye for an eye,” says O.K., as he urinates onto the severed brain stems of the Eibel family victims, just as you do on the decapitated cops in the real video game Postal2. > > O.K. then works his way, methodically back to LA by car, but on his way makes a stop at the Philadelphia law firm of Blank, Stare and goes floor by floor to wipe out the lawyers who protect Take This in its wrongful death law suits. “So sue me” O.K. spits, with singer Jackson Brown’s 1980’s hit Lawyers in Love blaring. > > With the FBI now after him, O.K. keeps moving westward, shooting up high-tech video arcades called GameWerks. “Game over,” O.K. laughs. > > Of course, O.K. makes the obligatory runs to virtual versions of brick and mortar retailers Best Buy, Circuit City, Target, and Wal-Mart to steal supplies and bludgeon store managers and cash register clerks. “You should have checked kids’ IDs!” > > O.K. pushes on to Los Angeles. He must get there by May 10, 2006. That is the beginning of “E3” – the Electronic Entertainment Expo – the Super Bowl of the video game industry. O.K. must get to E3 to massacre all the video game industry execs with one final, monstrously delicious rampage. > > How about it, video game industry? I’ve got the check and you’ve got the tech. It’s all a fantasy, right? No harm can come from such a game, right? Go ahead, video game moguls. Target yourselves as you target others. I dare you. I’d first like to point out that Charles Manson was inspired to do his thing by a song about a playground slide, and David Berkowitz killed because he thought his neighbor’s dog told him to; but nobody sued the Beatles or the AKC. Anyway, this is my idea: Someone should make this insane game… in Zork-style “Interactive Fiction”. ```auto You are in the home of "Take This" CEO Paula Eibel. She is standing in front of you, demanding to know what you're doing in her house. Obvious exits are NORTH, SOUTH, and DENNIS. >DECAPITATE PAULA Whack! You take her head clean off. >URINATE ON BRAINSTEM I don't know how to do that. >PISS ON PONS ``` Or else you could make a game in [ZZT](http://www.textmodegames.com/download/zzt.html), in splendiferous gory ASCII. “Lawyers in Love” could even beep through the computer speaker. Jack’s challenge does require that the game be made, distributed, and sold by a “company”. A game of this type could easily fit on a 3.5" floppy and sell for, say, 50 cents plus shipping. If anyone reading this does want to pull this off, I pledge to help in any capacity I can. I have roughly zero code mojo (I have honestly screwed up “Hello, World!” in more than one language), but I can proofread, edit, and playtest. It’s a long shot, but I’d like to see it happen just to watch the weasel squirm. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2005, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-thompsons-modest-proposal-gives-me-an-idea/326255/2 "2005-10-14T18:30:45Z")
I must be certifiable–I love your text-based game idea. It’s so retro, and the non-visualness of it allows the imagination to provide the video. I think the market is ready for this. It can be easily done in Pascal or, hell, BASIC. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2005, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-thompsons-modest-proposal-gives-me-an-idea/326255/3 "2005-10-14T19:15:21Z")
I don’t think 10 grand is enough to cover the development of a game. But I do think a game where a gamer goes to a video game company and takes out the who make the annoying things in games like stupid puzzles about pushing around fifty crates to get them in the exact position. Or the makers of Half-Life 2. I mean, who the hecks imagins a future where you have a gravity gun, you have teleportation, you have a suit that heals you, but you don’t have a flashlight that is worth a damn? I’d like to hunt the guy who designed the flashlight for that game. ---
**Author:** ![Earthworm\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f07891/32.png) [@Earthworm\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earthworm_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2005, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-thompsons-modest-proposal-gives-me-an-idea/326255/4 "2005-10-14T19:59:16Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > I don’t think 10 grand is enough to cover the development of a game. Heck, a fully 3d version of something like this could probably be cobbled together on the cheap using the [Torque game engine](http://www.garagegames.com/). The text-based version could be done quickly & inexpensively. **TM** , take your proposition over to someplace like gamasutra or [gamedev.net](http://gamedev.net) - the folks over there may be one step ahead of you 😉 Of course, I suspect ole JT would weasel out of it if an independent developer wrote the game - he did say “any video game _company_.” ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2005, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-thompsons-modest-proposal-gives-me-an-idea/326255/5 "2005-10-14T19:59:21Z")
I like the modest proposal. Well, the concept, anyway. The phrasing is rather tedious. If the games aren’t doing any harm, why shouldn’t the game designers make themselves the victim in the game? ---
**Author:** ![FlyingCowOfDoom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/flyingcowofdoom/32/21776_2.png) [@FlyingCowOfDoom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingCowOfDoom)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2005, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-thompsons-modest-proposal-gives-me-an-idea/326255/6 "2005-10-14T20:26:41Z")
I think someone should make a game about killing Jack Thompson…'cause then maybe someone will. (kidding :D) –FCOD ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2005, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-thompsons-modest-proposal-gives-me-an-idea/326255/7 "2005-10-14T20:41:21Z")
> [@Hypno-Toad](#): > > I like the modest proposal. Well, the concept, anyway. The phrasing is rather tedious. If the games aren’t doing any harm, why shouldn’t the game designers make themselves the victim in the game? Because nobody would want to buy it? Game developers are very unlike street gangs, US marines, or extra-terrestrial cyborgs in that they live a lifestyle that not a lot of people are particularly interested in emulating. Aside from the “get paid to play videogames” angle, anyway, which is not all it’s cracked up to be. It was pointed out on another board that your average, professional-quality video game costs about $20,000 _a day_ to produce, twice what Mad Jack Thompson is offering to give to charity. Any company taking him up on his modest proposal would stand to lose millions of dollars. Of course, in that twisted little meatball Jack likes to refer to as his brain, the real reason developers won’t take him up on his offer is they’re all terrified of unleashing a torrent of gamer violence on themselves. Because they all know, deep down, that their games really are making people kill each other, they just won’t admit it. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2005, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-thompsons-modest-proposal-gives-me-an-idea/326255/8 "2005-10-14T20:44:47Z")
Cute idea; but the big difference between even the goriest commercial game and the Modest Proposal is targeting specific real-life people as opposed to annonymous characters. If someone released _ **Jihad!** _, a videogame where you played as an Islamic terrorist on a mission to assassinate George W. Bush, I’m sure the Feds would have a shit attack. ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2005, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-thompsons-modest-proposal-gives-me-an-idea/326255/9 "2005-10-14T21:15:38Z")
[Here](http://www.penny-arcade.com/view.php?date=2005-10-14&res=l) is Penny-Arcade’s take on it. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2005, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-thompsons-modest-proposal-gives-me-an-idea/326255/10 "2005-10-14T21:40:46Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > If someone released _ **Jihad!** _, a videogame where you played as an Islamic terrorist on a mission to assassinate George W. Bush, I’m sure the Feds would have a shit attack. [You](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special_Force) [rang](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ethnic_Cleansing_%28computer_game%29)? :eek: Where’s my _“Petition to make whiney congressmen play violent video games”_? ---
**Author:** ![FlyingCowOfDoom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/flyingcowofdoom/32/21776_2.png) [@FlyingCowOfDoom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingCowOfDoom)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2005, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-thompsons-modest-proposal-gives-me-an-idea/326255/11 "2005-10-17T20:49:55Z")
Update: Somebody did this. Jack Thompson backpedaled. Penny Arcade donated the $10,000 in Jack Thompson’s name. Gotta love those PA boys! Cites: > **[Video Game News & Reviews | Engadget](https://www.engadget.com/gaming)** > > Find in-depth news and hands-on reviews of the latest video games, video consoles and accessories. [http://www.penny-arcade.com/news.php?date=2005-10-17](http://www.penny-arcade.com/news.php?date=2005-10-17) –FCOD ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2005, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-thompsons-modest-proposal-gives-me-an-idea/326255/12 "2005-10-17T21:17:16Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > Because nobody would want to buy it? Game developers are very unlike street gangs, US marines, or extra-terrestrial cyborgs in that they live a lifestyle that not a lot of people are particularly interested in emulating. Aside from the “get paid to play videogames” angle, anyway, which is not all it’s cracked up to be. Dude, If their hearts were in it, they could make it work. But of course since Thompson is asking them to hang _themselves_… ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2005, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-thompsons-modest-proposal-gives-me-an-idea/326255/13 "2005-10-17T23:37:23Z")
> [@Hypno-Toad](#): > > Dude, If their hearts were in it, they could make it work. But of course since Thompson is asking them to hang _themselves_… Oh, don’t be silly. No one who makes games is the slightest bit worried about people commiting murder because they played a video game. That’s because the people who make video games have either 1) actually _played_ video games, or 2) are not totally insane. Sometimes, both. Jack Thompson, on the other hand, is neither, which is why he thinks his idiotic proposal is some sort of rhetorical masterstroke. It’s not, though. If a game like this gets made, it will be because they think it will sell. If they don’t think it will sell, then they won’t make it. Simple as that. Concerns about real life violence will not enter into it, because such concerns have no basis in reality. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hamster\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8edcca/32.png) [@The\_Hamster\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hamster_King)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-thompsons-modest-proposal-gives-me-an-idea/326255/14 "2005-10-18T00:47:13Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > Concerns about real life violence will not enter into it, because such concerns have no basis in reality. Yup. When I was at Red Storm we released a game that included the Red Storm offices as a multiplayer shooter level. If it hadn’t been too much extra work we would have included character models of the developers as well. We thought shooting up our workplace was FUNNY. ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-thompsons-modest-proposal-gives-me-an-idea/326255/15 "2005-10-18T01:27:15Z")
I find it amusing that he has become an object of ridicule, and even more amusing that the National Institute on Media and the Family has distanced themselves from him. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-thompsons-modest-proposal-gives-me-an-idea/326255/16 "2005-10-18T02:50:10Z")
Come to think of it, _Postal 2_ also has a single-player segment taking place at the offices where the Postal games are made, complete with employees of the company (don’t know if they’re based on real people or not. They may well be.), AND an armed attack on the building by crazed anti-video game protestors. Can’t believe I forgot that part… ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-thompsons-modest-proposal-gives-me-an-idea/326255/17 "2005-10-18T06:53:14Z")
> [@FlyingCowOfDoom](#): > > Somebody did this. Jack Thompson backpedaled. Penny Arcade donated the $10,000 in Jack Thompson’s name. Gotta love those PA boys! As the [Ctrl+Alt+Del](http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/?t=archives&date=2005-10-12) people said: “Don’t fuck with us.” Bravo. ---
**Author:** ![Tentacle\_Monster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba9def/32.png) [@Tentacle\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tentacle_Monster)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-thompsons-modest-proposal-gives-me-an-idea/326255/18 "2005-10-18T11:55:39Z")
Beauty. Hopefully, this will tag him as the nutcase he is, and he won’t get any more airtime on CNN. ---
**Author:** ![Slacker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@Slacker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slacker)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2005, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-thompsons-modest-proposal-gives-me-an-idea/326255/19 "2005-10-18T19:12:27Z")
He faxed a letter to the Seatlle PD yesterday asking them to make Penny Arcade stop harrassing him. He must be quite a lawyer. 😃 You can see the letter on [their site](http://www.penny-arcade.com) (I mirrored a copy [here](http://boards.slackercentral.com/showthread.php?t=71443) if they’re down again. I think this quote from Tycho says it all: > [@](#): > > It is critical to establish that this letter isn’t anything to worry about. We’ve been sent worse by better. This has been fun to watch. 😃