# Jack, you goddam pig!! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 11, 2011, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-you-goddam-pig/592380 "2011-08-11T21:54:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2011, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-you-goddam-pig/592380/1 "2011-08-11T21:54:00Z")
I work on the 12th floor of an office building. I’m on my way down in the elevator for lunch today. We stop on 10 and a big bunch of people get on. Suddenly we are crowded like sardines, with the usual jokes. The door closes, the elevator starts down…and Jack farts. And farts. And farts. His fart lasted three floors! And stank like something had crawled up inside him and died. I know it was Jack because the young lady standing next to him hauled off and hit him while yelling “JACK YOU GODDAM PIG!” And then she hit him again. I was hoping she would stomp him down to the floor but no luck there. Jack, old buddy, there’s a time and a place for everything. You missed on both counts, you goddam pig. ---
**Author:** ![Crazyhorse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crazyhorse/32/31_2.png) [@Crazyhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crazyhorse)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2011, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-you-goddam-pig/592380/2 "2011-08-11T22:01:33Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > I know it was Jack because the young lady standing next to him hauled off and hit him while yelling “JACK YOU GODDAM PIG!” S/he who smelt it dealt it. ---
**Author:** ![OneMissedPost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8e7dd6/32.png) [@OneMissedPost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneMissedPost)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2011, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-you-goddam-pig/592380/3 "2011-08-11T22:01:37Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > I work on the 12th floor of an office building. I’m on my way down in the elevator for lunch today. We stop on 10 and a big bunch of people get on. Suddenly we are crowded like sardines, with the usual jokes. The door closes, the elevator starts down…and Jack farts. > > And farts. > > And farts. > > His fart lasted three floors! And stank like something had crawled up inside him and died. I know it was Jack because the young lady standing next to him hauled off and hit him while yelling “JACK YOU GODDAM PIG!” And then she hit him again. > > I was hoping she would stomp him down to the floor but no luck there. > > Jack, old buddy, there’s a time and a place for everything. You missed on both counts, you goddam pig. People get upset over the weirdest things sometimes. This seems like something very small to get upset over. There could be something medically wrong with him. IMHO, getting upset over someone farting is rather silly. ---
**Author:** ![Claire\_Beauchamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ec9cab/32.png) [@Claire\_Beauchamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Claire_Beauchamp)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2011, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-you-goddam-pig/592380/4 "2011-08-11T22:03:34Z")
Sometimes you just can’t help it. Maybe he’s a pig and could have held it, maybe he was already mortally embarrassed before he got called on it. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2011, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-you-goddam-pig/592380/5 "2011-08-11T22:03:47Z")
> [@OneMissedPost](#): > > People get upset over the weirdest things sometimes. > > This seems like something very small to get upset over. There could be something medically wrong with him. IMHO, getting upset over someone farting is rather silly. If Jack had waited until he was outside and no one was around, it would have been okay, but doing what he did in a confined space with others just inches away is not cool. ---
**Author:** ![cards](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecd19e/32.png) [@cards](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cards)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2011, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-you-goddam-pig/592380/6 "2011-08-11T22:07:02Z")
Well at least he didn’t hurl ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2011, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-you-goddam-pig/592380/7 "2011-08-11T22:13:05Z")
Only on the Dope would people come to the defense of an elevator flatulator. ---
**Author:** ![OneMissedPost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8e7dd6/32.png) [@OneMissedPost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneMissedPost)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2011, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-you-goddam-pig/592380/8 "2011-08-11T23:17:00Z")
> [@friedo](#): > > Only on the Dope would people come to the defense of an elevator flatulator. Oh, please… :rolleyes: Like no one has farted in an elevator before. I guess farting in an elevator is a good excuse to be mad at someone… What next? Are we going to be mad if someone looks at us the wrong way? ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2011, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-you-goddam-pig/592380/9 "2011-08-11T23:19:36Z")
Or forgotten to lock the screen door on a submarine… ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2011, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-you-goddam-pig/592380/10 "2011-08-11T23:21:14Z")
> [@OneMissedPost](#): > > \ > > What next? Are we going to be mad if someone looks at us the wrong way? Are _you_ lookin’ at _me_? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2011, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-you-goddam-pig/592380/11 "2011-08-11T23:26:13Z")
Your building obviously needs [this diagram for people who suck at everyday life.](http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_119_instructional-diagrams-people-who-suck-at-everyday-life_p18/#11) Sheesh. ---
**Author:** ![voltaire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voltaire/32/313_2.png) [@voltaire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voltaire)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2011, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-you-goddam-pig/592380/12 "2011-08-11T23:37:02Z")
What kind of weirdo would do such a thing?! Everybody knows that you’re supposed to wait until you’re getting out of the elevator so you can crop-dust the people who are staying in it! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2011, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-you-goddam-pig/592380/13 "2011-08-11T23:51:19Z")
> [@OneMissedPost](#): > > farting in an elevator Wasn’t that an Aerosmith song? ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2011, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-you-goddam-pig/592380/14 "2011-08-12T00:10:09Z")
Everyone knows you’re supposed to spend that time masturbating like a motherfuck. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2011, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-you-goddam-pig/592380/15 "2011-08-12T00:53:03Z")
> [@OneMissedPost](#): > > I guess farting in an elevator is a good excuse to be mad at someone… Unless you were raised by wolves, your parents taught you a few simple rules: 1. Say “please” and “thank you.” 2. Chew with your mouth closed. 3. Don’t fart in the elevator. These things are called “manners” and they are the lubrication on the rusty gearbox of society. ---
**Author:** ![OneMissedPost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8e7dd6/32.png) [@OneMissedPost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneMissedPost)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2011, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-you-goddam-pig/592380/16 "2011-08-12T01:13:14Z")
> [@friedo](#): > > Unless you were raised by wolves, your parents taught you a few simple rules: > > 1. Say “please” and “thank you.” > 2. Chew with your mouth closed. > 3. Don’t fart in the elevator. > > These things are called “manners” and they are the lubrication on the rusty gearbox of society. No, really? I never knew that… :smack: If you get upset when someone does not have proper manners, you will end up being upset all the time. Oops, I forgot to say thank you. ---
**Author:** ![OneMissedPost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8e7dd6/32.png) [@OneMissedPost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneMissedPost)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2011, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-you-goddam-pig/592380/17 "2011-08-12T01:23:58Z")
IMHO, it’s not worth being upset about it. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2011, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-you-goddam-pig/592380/18 "2011-08-12T01:42:07Z")
Did someone pull his finger? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Jeffrey\_Lebowski](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_jeffrey_lebowski/32/215_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Jeffrey\_Lebowski](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Jeffrey_Lebowski)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2011, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-you-goddam-pig/592380/19 "2011-08-12T01:43:20Z")
I am Jack’s raging bile duct. ---
**Author:** ![Uber\_the\_Goober](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/58956e/32.png) [@Uber\_the\_Goober](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uber_the_Goober)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2011, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-you-goddam-pig/592380/20 "2011-08-12T02:37:08Z")
> [@OneMissedPost](#): > > Oh, please… :rolleyes: > > Like no one has farted in an elevator before. > > I guess farting in an elevator is a good excuse to be mad at someone… > > What next? Are we going to be mad if someone looks at us the wrong way? You don’t get out much do you? Try walking in downtown Philly and look at some young guy the wrong way. Especially if he’s with his “crew” and he needs to look tough. He’ll be more than mad. And you’ll be wishing you weren’t so arrogant. Sometimes not farting in the elevator, and not looking at people the wrong way, is the better course of action. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jack-you-goddam-pig/592380.md?page=2)