# Jack's Back: The latest Chick Tract **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 11, 2005, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jacks-back-the-latest-chick-tract/312010 "2005-07-11T16:29:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jacks-back-the-latest-chick-tract/312010/41 "2005-07-12T00:20:47Z")
> [@JohnBckWLD](#): > > Mr Savage: > [I](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=323946) was hoping you could provide some insight as to whether my behavior is normal. At museums I can clearly see who is going in and out of the exhibit rooms. When I go into the museum and no one is around, I pluck hairs off old men’s heads. In particular, if this one guy I like enters and leaves the African Art wing, I go in, sneak up behind him and sometimes pluck two or three of his hairs. I collect his hairs, take them home and sterilize them. I store them in a plastic sandwich bag [no - I’m not making this up, though I can’t vouch for it], which I bring out when I masturbate. Imagining that I have just orally serviced him, I place his hairs in my mouth and let them rest on my tongue. Then I climax. Is this healthy? Should I stop behaving this way? Can I be saved? Oh shit…I’m not worthy-may I worship you? ---
**Author:** ![Strinka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/strinka/32/512_2.png) [@Strinka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Strinka)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jacks-back-the-latest-chick-tract/312010/42 "2005-07-12T00:21:29Z")
I think this is the worst Chick Tract I’ve ever read!. It wasn’t offensive at all! ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Tiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jacks-back-the-latest-chick-tract/312010/43 "2005-07-12T00:24:22Z")
[hijack] I just found out the other day that a friend’s husband used to be married to Jack’s daughter. Wow, what a fun family to be related to! [/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jacks-back-the-latest-chick-tract/312010/44 "2005-07-12T00:38:31Z")
> [@Mama Tiger](#): > > [hijack] I just found out the other day that a friend’s husband used to be married to Jack’s daughter. Wow, what a fun family to be related to! [/hijack] I’m going to have to ask for some juicy details. ---
**Author:** ![Talon\_Karrde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Talon\_Karrde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Talon_Karrde)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jacks-back-the-latest-chick-tract/312010/45 "2005-07-12T00:53:45Z")
> [@Tuckerfan](#): > > I’m going to have to ask for some juicy details. Me too! I wonder what she was like, and how the divorce went over with Jack. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jacks-back-the-latest-chick-tract/312010/46 "2005-07-12T02:04:48Z")
> [@Strinka](#): > > It wasn’t offensive at all! Did you overlook the Wandering Hebe? ---
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jacks-back-the-latest-chick-tract/312010/47 "2005-07-12T03:56:06Z")
This tract has some potential, but ultimately falls apart because the supporting characters are so poorly realized. The curator has some depth. He starts out like like a typical artsy-fartsy uber-p.c. type, giving a spiel about how all religions are equally valid. But by the end, you realize that he’s saying that all religions except Chick-style Christianity are equally _invalid_. An interesting twist. But none of the other characters make a lick of sense. If the woman thinks that “no one in the civilized world” practices idol worship, she wouldn’t get _indignant_ about it. She might be _dismissive_–“look at that silly guy, worshipping a cubist rooster”–but she wouldn’t be _indignant_. That starts the whole thing off on a jarring note. The kid is just baffling. Is he her kid? Kids that age don’t usually go to art museums by themselves. But he torments the old man and runs off, and she takes no notice. Then the old man wakes up, walks inside the velvet ropes, stares myopically at the paintings, and falls asleep again. He’s as bad as the kid! Or is that the point? And what’s with that mummy being crucified? Or are those stripes supposed to represent scourge marks, in _homage_ to the _Passion of the Christ_? And why does every painting have a religious theme except the bad cartoon of the dog? I think this story could have used a good editor. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jacks-back-the-latest-chick-tract/312010/48 "2005-07-12T06:03:38Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > Did you overlook the Wandering Hebe? I was born under a Wandering Hebe. It’s why I still have back pain. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jacks-back-the-latest-chick-tract/312010/49 "2005-07-12T06:05:12Z")
I think the curator just collects religious art and this is how he gets it on a curator’s salary. ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jacks-back-the-latest-chick-tract/312010/50 "2005-07-12T06:53:01Z")
…Oh, and something about the worries of man numbering the hairs on his head and all of that tired bullshit… Boy usurper of the sorrows of man, or something. and all of that symbolism that you torment me with Jack… (shakes fist at Jack!) 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Manatee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/50afbb/32.png) [@Manatee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manatee)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jacks-back-the-latest-chick-tract/312010/51 "2005-07-12T07:26:38Z")
> [@Uvula Donor](#): > > Haw haw haw! What a _Nimrod!!_ > > Someone’s been fucking with his head. OK, this just hit #4 on my “All-Time Funniest Doper Posts” list. ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 8:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jacks-back-the-latest-chick-tract/312010/52 "2005-07-12T08:19:47Z")
I figured it out folks. As a Catholic I think I have the authority to offer the definitive answer on the purpose of this literary gem. It’s the kid. That’s the focus. Reading through this shit I kept wondering when someone was going to come along and deliver the righteous beating the little shit so desperatley needs. That’s when The Truth dawned on me. I’m hoping for a severe beatdown of a cartoon child. That should make me, as a Cathloic, feel guilty for wishing harm on another. Even if the “other” is not a real person. He’s taunting me. He’s trying to show me the error of my ways in wishing harm on another. (His logic makes as much sense as this post, go figure.) Very subtle. Hell, sophisticated by the set standard. Well, I’m convinced. Sign me up Jack! [sub]Note to humor impaired, the above was a joke[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jacks-back-the-latest-chick-tract/312010/53 "2005-07-12T15:26:19Z")
> [@duffer](#): > > [sub]Note to humor impaired, the above was a joke[/sub] Satan will be glad to hear you’re not leaving him. [sub]Note to humor impaired, this was also a joke[/sub] [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jacks-back-the-latest-chick-tract/312010.md?page=2)