# Jade Helm 15 Ends - Texas now annexed by the U.S. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 14, 2015, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jade-helm-15-ends-texas-now-annexed-by-the-u-s/731216 "2015-09-14T16:26:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![TBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jade-helm-15-ends-texas-now-annexed-by-the-u-s/731216/21 "2015-09-15T00:44:10Z")
Jade Helm 15 caused 9/11 ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 10:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jade-helm-15-ends-texas-now-annexed-by-the-u-s/731216/22 "2015-09-15T10:55:05Z")
Jade Helm 15 softens hands while you do the dishes. “…You know you’re soaking in it…” ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jade-helm-15-ends-texas-now-annexed-by-the-u-s/731216/23 "2015-09-15T16:37:16Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > Jade Helm 15 softens hands while you do the dishes. > > “…You know you’re soaking in it…” As I understand it, it’s a stool softener, and you won’t like the extra steps involved in softening your hands, too. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jade-helm-15-ends-texas-now-annexed-by-the-u-s/731216/24 "2015-09-15T17:02:56Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > As I understand it, it’s a stool softener Jade Helm 15 is a stool softener…? …and I knew when Jade Helm 15 started & stopped. You mean I could have bought PG stock, waited until all those Texans soiled their shorts, and cleaned up on all the extra bleach sales? :smack: ---
**Author:** ![The\_Stainless\_Steel\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_stainless_steel_rat/32/5727_2.png) [@The\_Stainless\_Steel\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Stainless_Steel_Rat)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jade-helm-15-ends-texas-now-annexed-by-the-u-s/731216/25 "2015-09-15T18:06:24Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > As I understand it, it’s a stool softener, and you won’t like the extra steps involved in softening your hands, too. A stool softener? I thought it was causing all those Texans to shit bricks… ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jade-helm-15-ends-texas-now-annexed-by-the-u-s/731216/26 "2015-09-15T18:18:18Z")
It’s a stool softener so the US can prepare to shit out Texas, which is not conveniently shaped for comfortable elimination. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jade-helm-15-ends-texas-now-annexed-by-the-u-s/731216/27 "2015-09-15T18:43:26Z")
You mean Texas is now part of the US? Aw shit, you know they’ll fuck everything up, like sending us semi-evolved apes as presidential nominees and electing attorneys general with really punchable faces ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jade-helm-15-ends-texas-now-annexed-by-the-u-s/731216/28 "2015-09-15T19:00:27Z")
Well, Texas IS the shitty asshole of the US ---
**Author:** ![Declan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecae2f/32.png) [@Declan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Declan)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jade-helm-15-ends-texas-now-annexed-by-the-u-s/731216/29 "2015-09-15T21:48:26Z")
> [@wevets](#): > > Jade Helm 15, the military operations by US forces, ends tomorrow in various southern and southwestern states. Texas has been subsumed into the United States by this UNDERCOVER operation and\*\* no-one is talking about it!\*\* Loose lips sink ships dude, its the warm up to the invasion of syria where we depose assad, kick russia to the curb, end the migration at its source, by blowing up every floatable in the area. All we need now is a surplus of military age syrian males, to provide the occupation force, at a kings ransom of pay. easy peasy Declan ---
**Author:** ![wevets](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e9a140/32.png) [@wevets](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wevets)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2015, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jade-helm-15-ends-texas-now-annexed-by-the-u-s/731216/30 "2015-09-15T22:18:02Z")
> [@Declan](#): > > by blowing up every floatable in the area. Why do you hat [floatables](http://kameleonz.com/collections/floatable) so much? ---
**Author:** ![CaptMurdock](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/captmurdock/32/11736_2.png) [@CaptMurdock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaptMurdock)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2015, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jade-helm-15-ends-texas-now-annexed-by-the-u-s/731216/31 "2015-09-16T01:17:13Z")
I, for one, welcome our new American overlords. ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2015, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jade-helm-15-ends-texas-now-annexed-by-the-u-s/731216/32 "2015-09-16T01:40:18Z")
Mark my words: The American colossus will not be satisfied with Texas. Nuevo México and Alta California; Russian America; even the distant islands of Hawaiʻi in the Pacific Ocean–the American imperialists are on the march, and they will not be satisfied until their empire stretches from Washington, D.C., all the way to the Arctic Circle and halfway to Asia! ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2015, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jade-helm-15-ends-texas-now-annexed-by-the-u-s/731216/33 "2015-09-16T02:00:07Z")
> [@YogSosoth](#): > > You mean Texas is now part of the US? Aw shit, you know they’ll fuck everything up, like sending us semi-evolved apes as presidential nominees and electing attorneys general with really punchable faces And screw up our school textbooks… ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2015, 11:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jade-helm-15-ends-texas-now-annexed-by-the-u-s/731216/34 "2015-09-16T11:27:30Z")
> [@MEBuckner](#): > > Mark my words: The American colossus will not be satisfied with Texas. Nuevo México and Alta California; Russian America; even the distant islands of Hawaiʻi in the Pacific Ocean–the American imperialists are on the march, and they will not be satisfied until their empire stretches from Washington, D.C., all the way to the Arctic Circle and halfway to Asia! It is an entirely benign occupation, just until such time as the natives can show they are ready for self-government. ---
**Author:** ![septimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/septimus/32/410_2.png) [@septimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/septimus)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2015, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jade-helm-15-ends-texas-now-annexed-by-the-u-s/731216/35 "2015-09-16T12:53:57Z")
None too soon. During [the U.S. military’s Jade Helm](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atkQOV9_yAY), fiber optic cables have been cut and blamed on vandals, there have been mysterious power outages accompanied by flying manhole covers, etc. The Army even redirected the remnants of Hurricane Dolores to stress test their soldiers. (For you skeptics, it is a fact that the U.S. military can redirect hurricanes: it was on Discovery Channel; you can look it up.) This was all gleaned from the linked 12-minute video; indeed from just a few ten-second random excerpts of that video – I found the truth about Jade Helm to be so disheartening I couldn’t listen to it all. ---
**Author:** ![Ale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@Ale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ale)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2015, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jade-helm-15-ends-texas-now-annexed-by-the-u-s/731216/36 "2015-09-16T13:40:58Z")
> [@septimus](#): > > None too soon. During [the U.S. military’s Jade Helm](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atkQOV9_yAY), fiber optic cables have been cut and blamed on vandals, there have been mysterious power outages accompanied by flying manhole covers, etc. The Army even redirected the remnants of Hurricane Dolores to stress test their soldiers. (For you skeptics, it is a fact that the U.S. military can redirect hurricanes: it was on Discovery Channel; you can look it up.) > > This was all gleaned from the linked 12-minute video; indeed from just a few ten-second random excerpts of that video – I found the truth about Jade Helm to be so disheartening I couldn’t listen to it all. “The Army even redirected the remnants of Hurricane Dolores” My goodness, are people still HAARPing on that? ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2015, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jade-helm-15-ends-texas-now-annexed-by-the-u-s/731216/37 "2015-09-16T13:41:47Z")
I’ve spent too much time on the internet. I can’t tell who’s being sarcastic here any more. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jade-helm-15-ends-texas-now-annexed-by-the-u-s/731216.md?page=1)