The First Subway Story:
Right after I finished law school I lived in Park Slope, Brooklyn, near Grand Army Plaza. I was taking the No. 2 train home one Sunday evening, reading the newspaper and (insert foreshadowing smiley) minding my own business when we get to the stop before mine: Bergen Street. The announcer calls forth, in an accent that is now all but gone:
Boygen Street! Boygen Street!
I look up with some trepidation, thinking to myself that Mel Blanc is now driving this train, which is not a good thing since he’s dead.
And then I look down.
Not for any reason. My glance just happens to fall to the floor for the first time in my 20-some minute journey.
It falls upon:
A dildo. Large, caucasian-flesh-colored. I’d say about 10".
I start laughing hysterically. Everyone around me starts laughing, too, mainly at me since I’m so slow on the uptake. I keep wondering how it got there (ewwww), and what you might say to the person who lost it:
Excuse me, sir, I think you dropped something…
And I thought briefly about the poor schmo back at the yard who would have to remove it.
But please understand that no one - not a single person in the car - commented on it until I started laughing.
That’s why I stay in New York.
(the second story will come tomorrow, I think)