# James Lileks needs our help! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 18, 2005, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-lileks-needs-our-help/312969 "2005-07-18T13:35:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![a35362](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@a35362](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/a35362)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-lileks-needs-our-help/312969/1 "2005-07-18T13:35:31Z")
In today’s Bleat he brings up material he needs for his column: “Cast superhero/comic book movies using old-school movie heroes, a la Bogart, John Wayne, etc. You can do it!” fence at startribune dot com You guys know more about superheroes and comic books than, well, anybody I know. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-lileks-needs-our-help/312969/2 "2005-07-18T15:04:56Z")
Does he mean A-list actors, like today, instead of the B-list gang who used to do the Saturday afternoon serials all padded up in cotton batting and masks whose eye holes naver quite lined up? Sorry, Lileks, I generally worship the ground you write on, but this is plain disingenuous. I mean, pork and beans don’t taste any better on Wedgwood china. I do, however, think Walter Pidgeon might have made a credible Batman. ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-lileks-needs-our-help/312969/3 "2005-07-18T15:43:21Z")
Gregory Peck, in his _To Kill a Mockingbird_ prime, would have made a good Clark Kent/Superman. Alan Ladd could’ve been a great Golden Age Green Lantern (Alan Scott), perhaps with Veronica Lake as the Golden Age Black Canary. Nobody would’ve been better-suited to play Phantom Lady than the kinky pin-up queen of the 1950s, Bettie Page. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-lileks-needs-our-help/312969/4 "2005-07-18T19:47:50Z")
Jimmy Cagney as the Golen Age Atom. Ernest Borgnine as Wildcat. Errol Flynn as Green Arrow. Tor Jonson (Plan 9) as the Incredible Hulk. Jerry Lewis as Plastic Man. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-lileks-needs-our-help/312969/5 "2005-07-18T19:49:14Z")
OOH! OOH! Vincent Price as either Doctor Strange or Doctor Fate. Johnny Weismuller as Aquaman. ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-lileks-needs-our-help/312969/6 "2005-07-18T20:07:37Z")
Fred MacMurray as Captain Marvel (since the character’s appearance was partially based on the actor). A very young Elvis Presley as Captain Marvel Junior (since the King showed Mac Raboy’s superhero comics to his barber as the inspiration for his trademark pompadour). Humphrey Bogart as Slam Bradley, perhaps with Lauren Bacall as Catwoman. ---
**Author:** ![marque\_elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71c47a/32.png) [@marque\_elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marque_elf)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-lileks-needs-our-help/312969/7 "2005-07-18T20:18:16Z")
The Golden Age J.S.A. as done by Hollywood: Phantom Lady-Jane Russell Atom-Mickey Rooney Flash-Jimmie Stewart Green Lantern-Alan Ladd Hawkman-William Holden Wonder Woman-Lana Turner Johnny Thunder-Art Carney Dr. Midnite-Henry Fonda Superman-Johnnie Weismuller Batman-Cary Grant Wildcat-William Bendix ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-lileks-needs-our-help/312969/8 "2005-07-18T20:33:22Z")
I think Valentino would have made a great _Batman_, especially in his souped-up Pierce Arrow Batmobile, with Lon Chaney as the Riddler. It would have been cool seeing Chaney’s lips moving for five minutes, then the marquee card that said “RIDDLE ME THIS…!”. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-lileks-needs-our-help/312969/9 "2005-07-18T23:51:04Z")
If only Humphry Bogart had been around to play John Constantine. ---
**Author:** ![FisherQueen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58f4c7/32.png) [@FisherQueen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FisherQueen)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2005, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-lileks-needs-our-help/312969/10 "2005-07-18T23:57:23Z")
> [@Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor](#): > > Johnny Weismuller as Aquaman. I’ll be in my bunk. ---
**Author:** ![LeeshaJoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e8cbc/32.png) [@LeeshaJoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LeeshaJoy)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-lileks-needs-our-help/312969/11 "2005-07-19T00:02:55Z")
> [@Little Nemo](#): > > If only Humphry Bogart had been around to play John Constantine. They could have dug up Bogart’s rotting corpse and it would still do better than Keanu. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-lileks-needs-our-help/312969/12 "2005-07-19T00:05:08Z")
> [@FisherQueen](#): > > I’ll be in my bunk. \ 😕😕😕😕 ---
**Author:** ![Albert\_Rose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de053/32.png) [@Albert\_Rose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Albert_Rose)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-lileks-needs-our-help/312969/13 "2005-07-19T00:10:10Z")
I think [Erich von Stroheim](http://silentgents.com/PVonStroheim.html) would have made a great Lex Luthor. Fantastic Four: Henry Fonda as Reed Richards [Carole Lombard](http://classicmoviefavorites.com/lombard/) as The Invisible Woman Jimmy Cagney as the Human Torch Broderick Crawford as the Thing ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-lileks-needs-our-help/312969/14 "2005-07-19T00:12:38Z")
> [@Little Nemo](#): > > If only Humphry Bogart had been around to play John Constantine. Maybe one day they will cast a blond actor with a British accent to play Constantine. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![FisherQueen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58f4c7/32.png) [@FisherQueen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FisherQueen)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-lileks-needs-our-help/312969/15 "2005-07-19T00:25:39Z")
> [@Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor](#): > > \ > 😕😕😕😕 Sorry. “I’ll be in my bunk” is from Firefly, spoken by someone who was so turned on by what just happened that he’s going to need to leave, right now, and masturbate like a monkey on a caffeine buzz. Kind of like my reaction to the image of Weismuller as Aquaman. Mmmmmm. ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-lileks-needs-our-help/312969/16 "2005-07-19T00:38:57Z")
> [@Big Bad Voodoo Lou](#): > > Fred MacMurray as Captain Marvel (since the character’s appearance was partially based on the actor). > > A very young Elvis Presley as Captain Marvel Junior (since the King showed Mac Raboy’s superhero comics to his barber as the inspiration for his trademark pompadour). Who would you cast as Mary? Just to round out the 3 major members of the Family. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-lileks-needs-our-help/312969/17 "2005-07-19T03:45:38Z")
Jimmy Stewart as Peter Parker/Spiderman, Katharine Hepburn as Mary Jane Watson and Cary Grant as Harry Osborn would have been interesting, if only for the upside-down kiss scene. I’d throw in either William Frawley or William Demarest as Jonah Jameson. Superman as a Tracy/Hepburn pic might have been interesting as well. “Oh Clahk, you old pooh— you’re nevah around when Superman is heha!” Joan Crawford as _Wonder Woman_ could kick some serious ass, especially in a Howard Hughes vintage _Hell’s Angels_ invisible plane and Bette Davis as archenemy Cheetah. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-lileks-needs-our-help/312969/18 "2005-07-19T13:03:51Z")
> [@Tengu](#): > > Who would you cast as Mary? Just to round out the 3 major members of the Family. Why, Mary Pickford, of course! ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-lileks-needs-our-help/312969/19 "2005-07-19T13:05:44Z")
Captain America? Why, Buster Crabbe! Of Flash Gordon fame. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2005, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-lileks-needs-our-help/312969/20 "2005-07-19T13:11:38Z")
> [@marque elf](#): > > The Golden Age J.S.A. as done by Hollywood: > Phantom Lady-Jane Russell > Atom-Mickey Rooney > Flash-Jimmie Stewart > Green Lantern-Alan Ladd > Hawkman-William Holden > Wonder Woman-Lana Turner > Johnny Thunder-Art Carney > Dr. Midnite-Henry Fonda > Superman-Johnnie Weismuller > Batman-Cary Grant > Wildcat-William Bendix No, Roy Rogers as Flash. Play off the humorous contrast between Roy’s slow western drawl, & the Flash’s super speed. Jimmy Stewart as Starman. And I still say Cagney for the Golden Age Atom. Short & feisty; a tough guy in a pint-size bottle. Just what the doctor ordered. Brando as Superman. The _young_ Brando.