# James Tiberius Kirk vs. Seven of Nine **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 12, 2003, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-tiberius-kirk-vs-seven-of-nine/201146 "2003-09-12T06:01:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-tiberius-kirk-vs-seven-of-nine/201146/1 "2003-09-12T06:01:00Z")
Well? Who would win in this momentous encounter? What manner of conflict would ensue? Any guesses? Anyone? ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-tiberius-kirk-vs-seven-of-nine/201146/2 "2003-09-12T06:04:55Z")
The fistfight would be an even match, but then Kirk would grab Seven of Nine by the shoulders and kiss her hard, she would melt, and then he would fuck her into submission. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Babbington](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Mr.Babbington](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Babbington)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-tiberius-kirk-vs-seven-of-nine/201146/3 "2003-09-12T06:08:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Cervaise \* > \*\*The fistfight would be an even match, but then Kirk would grab Seven of Nine by the shoulders and kiss her hard, she would melt, and then he would fuck her into submission. \*\* Damn it to Hell. That’s what I was going to say. But on further reflection, She might assimilate him, and turn him into her sex slave. He’s got the weird robotic inflection down… ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-tiberius-kirk-vs-seven-of-nine/201146/4 "2003-09-12T06:26:15Z")
Seven: Put down your weapon. Comply! Kirk: Spock! Those ARE…! nice. … gazongas! ---
**Author:** ![Already\_in\_Use](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@Already\_in\_Use](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Already_in_Use)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-tiberius-kirk-vs-seven-of-nine/201146/5 "2003-09-12T06:26:51Z")
I have nothing really to add to this thread except that I can’t decide which is a better middle name, “Tiberius” or “Of.” ---
**Author:** ![blowero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/41988e/32.png) [@blowero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blowero)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 8:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-tiberius-kirk-vs-seven-of-nine/201146/6 "2003-09-12T08:15:01Z")
Are you kidding? He already fucked her before you even started the thread. Spock…I…thinkI’minlove…with…Seven…ofNine. ---
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-tiberius-kirk-vs-seven-of-nine/201146/7 "2003-09-12T12:23:08Z")
Love has nothing to do with it. Kirk uses sex as a weapon. Of course because she works on logic and is part computer he could do his computer mezmarism thing. “YOU are not PROGRAMED to hate!” “Why are you insisting on such banal banter” “as a HUMAN YOU can hate!” “I am Borg I do not hate” “but YOU are HUman!” “I am Borg” “But part OF you is HUman doesn’t THAT part of YOU feel anything!” “I am begining to feel slight hatred towards you!” “Because You LOVE!” “That makes no sense.” “YOU need to HATE to cover your LOVE!” “You are now speaking illogical gibberish!” “I LOVE you!” “That is not possible the human emotion of love requires a certain familiarity between both parties and…” “I LOVE YOU!” “This conversation serves no purpose.” “Because I HATE you!” “What?” HE KISSES HER “Why did you do that” “To Thank YOU.” KIRK DOES IT AGAIN “Stop none of this makes sense I…I want you to thank me again!” SHE GRABS HIM AND GIVES HIM A BIG KISS AS TEH STRINGS SWELL AND THE VASALINE SMEARS OVER THE LENSE SOFTENING HER UP! He soon leaves breaking her implanted Heart pump. ---
**Author:** ![FabioClone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5f8ce5/32.png) [@FabioClone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FabioClone)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-tiberius-kirk-vs-seven-of-nine/201146/8 "2003-09-12T12:32:55Z")
They both win. During the fight, Seven would make the inevitable mistake of tearing the fabric of Kirk’s shirt. As we all know, nothing can stop Ripped-Shirt Kirk. On the other hand, Seven’s nanites can do anything. If she can use them to cure disease, walk through forcefields, commune with alien technology, destroy inter-dimensional threats, and bring back the dead, she should have no trouble using them to defeat one man. So we clearly have a situation in which they both win, no doubt creating some sort of temporal paradox. Or they simply fuck each other’s brains out. Either way, both win. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-tiberius-kirk-vs-seven-of-nine/201146/9 "2003-09-12T12:53:11Z")
Simple. He seduces her into betraying the entire Borg collective, and humanity is saved. A better plot than _Star Trek V_. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-tiberius-kirk-vs-seven-of-nine/201146/10 "2003-09-12T13:10:53Z")
Nice dialogue, **kingpengvin** ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-tiberius-kirk-vs-seven-of-nine/201146/11 "2003-09-12T13:11:24Z")
Please, Kirk would leave Seven of Nine stranded on some rock, tired and preggers. Like he did all the rest of them. ---
**Author:** ![caveman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/caveman/32/7242_2.png) [@caveman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/caveman)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-tiberius-kirk-vs-seven-of-nine/201146/12 "2003-09-12T15:03:50Z")
Oh, come on! Seven would give it up so fast, JTK wouldn’t have time to get is space-trousers off… ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-tiberius-kirk-vs-seven-of-nine/201146/13 "2003-09-12T15:14:37Z")
She would ASS- imilate him He would go where no man has gone before The Spice Channel would get the syndication rights Space seed would be everywhere (so sorry for the pun) everybody wins! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-tiberius-kirk-vs-seven-of-nine/201146/14 "2003-09-12T16:28:41Z")
Where _no_ man has gone before? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-tiberius-kirk-vs-seven-of-nine/201146/15 "2003-09-12T16:56:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Aesiron \* > \*\*Where _no_ man has gone before? :dubious: \*\* Though there is anecdotal evidence for Borg sexual reproduction (episodes where we see Borg Babies™), the primary function of Borg is to seek the Omega particle and to assimilate others into The Collective. There is no evidence, anecdotal or otherwise, to suggest that Borg engage in sexual congress for recreation, or that 7 of 9 was ever used for reproductive duties. Additionally, the implication in my post was in regard to anal copulation (sodomy), in other words, fucking her in the ass. For further discussion of Borg sexual procreation and/or recreation, see _Borg, I Burning Your Box_ by the alien sexuality expert Charles Tucker III. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-tiberius-kirk-vs-seven-of-nine/201146/16 "2003-09-12T17:38:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NoClueBoy \* > **There is no evidence, anecdotal or otherwise, to suggest that Borg engage in sexual congress for recreation, or that 7 of 9 was ever used for reproductive duties.** I find it highly unlikely that she would have such a kick ass body if she had been used as a brood mare for the Borg collective. ---
**Author:** ![blowero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/41988e/32.png) [@blowero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blowero)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-tiberius-kirk-vs-seven-of-nine/201146/17 "2003-09-12T17:57:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by FabioClone \* > Seven’s nanites can do anything. Yep, she’s got quite a pair of nanites.:eek: ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-tiberius-kirk-vs-seven-of-nine/201146/18 "2003-09-12T18:19:52Z")
“Norman…coordinate!!!” ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-tiberius-kirk-vs-seven-of-nine/201146/19 "2003-09-12T20:43:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NoClueBoy \* > **…There is no evidence, anecdotal or otherwise, to suggest that Borg engage in sexual congress for recreation, or that 7 of 9 was ever used for reproductive duties…** Seven of Nine, Tertiary Adjunct of Unimatrix 01 may have never been used for breeding purposes but I find it unlikely that Seven never had sex in the four years she was among Voyager’s crew. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2003, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-tiberius-kirk-vs-seven-of-nine/201146/20 "2003-09-12T20:53:20Z")
Harry Kim had for the hots for her, but when she approached him about it, he shied away. No other romances (other than a strange story about the EMH and her being “Friends” which almost led to “something”) were seen nor was she ever to talk of having recreational sex. Part of her feeling of “No, I’ll just stay behind when y’all go to Earth” was due to her failure to successfully interact with the rest of the crew, a point that was hammered home again and again. Janeway promised to help her in this regard. Just because the actress is so hot doesn’t mean the character was “experienced.” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/james-tiberius-kirk-vs-seven-of-nine/201146.md?page=2)