# jarbabyj, get your ass in here! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 28, 2001, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jarbabyj-get-your-ass-in-here/95737 "2001-11-28T17:16:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Tretiak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a88e57/32.png) [@Tretiak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tretiak)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2001, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jarbabyj-get-your-ass-in-here/95737/1 "2001-11-28T17:16:21Z")
How dare you not give me a jarbabyj morning rant! How the fuck am I supposed to get through my morning without first admiring the verbal poetry of… “GET A LIFE, PUDDIN’!” “Well shave my head and call me baldy…” "…Twatplug, extraordinaire… “Is there a steel girder up your ass?” "what is this, the Franco Prussian War? A mob hit? A David Mamet play? and my favorite… “…spirit of fucking goodwill…you crusted over clitbag” And that just from the last two days. So what gives you the right to not give us a good ol’ helping of jarbabyj vitriol this mornig? What, are you in a good fucking mood? I don’t care!! What about us? How could you be so selfish as to be not pissed off enough about something to come in here and give us half a dozen gems with which we can spit take all over our monitors? Huh? Have you even thought about that?? Watch some TV, go for a drive, go shopping, talk to a co-worker, I don’t care, but FIND SOMETHING! I don’t care if it is something little or something major, just fucking rant, will ya. Because I like my coffe with sugar and jarbabyj rant and my morning just ain’t right without it. ---
**Author:** ![Kamandi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5daacb/32.png) [@Kamandi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamandi)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2001, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jarbabyj-get-your-ass-in-here/95737/2 "2001-11-28T17:23:28Z")
Somebody’s got a crush on jarbabyjaaaaayyy!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2001, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jarbabyj-get-your-ass-in-here/95737/3 "2001-11-28T17:32:04Z")
Jar and Tretiak sittin’ in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G First comes LOVE Then comes MARRIAGE Then comes the Pit Rant in the baby carriage. ---
**Author:** ![Elenfair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cc9497/32.png) [@Elenfair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elenfair)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2001, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jarbabyj-get-your-ass-in-here/95737/4 "2001-11-28T17:32:22Z")
:::: pulls up a chair, popcorn, and chocolate ::: :::: offers Kamandi some food :::: This should be fun. My money’s on jarbabyj. 😃 E. ---
**Author:** ![mouthbreather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a698b9/32.png) [@mouthbreather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mouthbreather)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2001, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jarbabyj-get-your-ass-in-here/95737/5 "2001-11-28T17:34:59Z")
Wow, another pit thread that is just a thinly veiled ass-kissing. Shocking. ---
**Author:** ![Tretiak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a88e57/32.png) [@Tretiak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tretiak)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2001, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jarbabyj-get-your-ass-in-here/95737/6 "2001-11-28T17:55:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by mouthbreather \* > \*\*Wow, another pit thread that is just a thinly veiled ass-kissing. > > Shocking. \*\* Dammit mouthbreather, there’s nothing thinly veiled about it! ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2001, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jarbabyj-get-your-ass-in-here/95737/7 "2001-11-28T18:07:28Z")
At the risk of sounding like a total snatch, don’t fan club posts belong in MPSIMS? Haven’t we had enough “Oh, jarbaby- you da woman with all your groovy curse words?” Zette PS- jar, you know I don’t mean this as a diss to you. I think you deserve any and all appreciation you get. Just not in Pit thread after Pit thread. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Billy\_Baroo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/76d3ee/32.png) [@Billy\_Baroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billy_Baroo)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2001, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jarbabyj-get-your-ass-in-here/95737/8 "2001-11-28T18:10:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tretiak \* > \*\*“GET A LIFE, PUDDIN’!” > \*\* You should take a little extra time while reading to understand the insults. This one is brilliant, and wow! it applies to you too. Hopefully **jarbabyj** won’t post, whereupon you’ll be even MORE loserly. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2001, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jarbabyj-get-your-ass-in-here/95737/9 "2001-11-28T18:12:58Z")
Yer a nice guy and all, so don’t take this personally But if there’s one fucking thing I hate about this board it’s the faux pit rants. You know, there are people who live for a good flame war around here. People who get up and get coffee and check the SDMB before they even bother to evacuate their bowels in the morning. People waiting for the next “JDT-FUCK YOU” thread or the short lived but hi-larious “Coldy is An Ass” from many months ago. We fucking live our lives to watch others fight. It’s like goddamn Gladiator on crank. And then you see something like this, or like the cloyingly disgusting Persephone rant or the “Pammipoo asked me to flame her and so I will because then maybe she’ll love me” rant and it’s like you’ve been kicked in the stomach by a jack boot. and not in a fun way. And while we’re at it; Tretiak (Don’t take this personally), I am a person diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety disorder PLUS, I was forcibly outed as a thin-skinner yesterday. I’m a fucking shambles over here. A mess that even the strongest mother would leave out in the wild for the wolf pack to take. And finally, I have a fucking day when everything goes right (Except this goddamn French Twist that’s all loose and fucky) and you waltz in here, Mr. Do-As-I-Say and ask for a rant? Why can’t you be happy that I’m happy Tretiak? Why can’t you thank the Lord Jesus Christ that I’m in a good mood? If you’re going to take me to the pit…have a fucking point. There’s a thousand to choose from. 1. I talk about sex too much 2. I rant too much 3. I always spell ocassionally wrong 4. I talk about Rammstein too much 5. I start too many threads 6. I post too often 7. I don’t care for abortion I mean, really, there’s no shortage of faults. I had a MOD instant message me and wonder aloud why I’m still posting here. Otto invited me to EAT HIS POOP. It was the high fucking point of my life. So really, face it… the fake flame…is your worst flame of all. jarbabyj ---
**Author:** ![Holly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/48db29/32.png) [@Holly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Holly)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2001, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jarbabyj-get-your-ass-in-here/95737/10 "2001-11-28T18:13:51Z")
Quite frankly, I’m disappointed. As a Jarbaby fan myself, I was prepared to come in here and defend her to the death. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2001, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jarbabyj-get-your-ass-in-here/95737/11 "2001-11-28T18:23:40Z")
I agree with **jarbabyj** about the appalling dilution of the intensity of the Pit with fake rants… however… > [@](#): > > Except this goddamn French Twist that’s **all loose and fucky** Will that be enough to tide you over, **Tretiak?** 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Tretiak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a88e57/32.png) [@Tretiak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tretiak)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2001, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jarbabyj-get-your-ass-in-here/95737/12 "2001-11-28T18:26:25Z")
Hee hee, I got what I wanted. P.S. jarbabyj, I was diagnosed with GAD and Paxil and then Zoloft for a while. Thankfuly I am off it now, but I understand. ---
**Author:** ![Spavined\_Gelding](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@Spavined\_Gelding](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spavined_Gelding)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2001, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jarbabyj-get-your-ass-in-here/95737/13 "2001-11-28T18:31:47Z")
Rammstein? Rahmstein? Ramstein? By Kaiserslautern? The pearl of the Pfalzerwald? ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2001, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jarbabyj-get-your-ass-in-here/95737/14 "2001-11-28T18:35:30Z")
Fake rants make the Baby Jesus Cry. And what with this being the Holiday Season, and all, he’s needing extra tissue. ---
**Author:** ![Why\_A\_Duck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@Why\_A\_Duck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Why_A_Duck)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2001, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jarbabyj-get-your-ass-in-here/95737/15 "2001-11-28T18:42:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > **the fake flame…is your worst flame of all.** the astro-flame™? ---
**Author:** ![Waverly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2001, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jarbabyj-get-your-ass-in-here/95737/16 "2001-11-28T18:47:56Z")
This is highly disappointing. It’s like the letdown of finding leftover fireworks, only to be greeted by the smell of burning cat urine when you attempt to set them off and you realize the cat has pissed all over them. The arse licking forum is the next door on the left. ---
**Author:** ![ultress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/7c8e57/32.png) [@ultress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultress)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2001, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jarbabyj-get-your-ass-in-here/95737/17 "2001-11-28T20:15:11Z")
Makes you just wish, just once in a while, that you had that BANNED buttom at your disposal instead of in the hands of level-headed mods/admins. Course the next day when you aren’t pissed any more you could undo it. ---
**Author:** ![Tretiak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a88e57/32.png) [@Tretiak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tretiak)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2001, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jarbabyj-get-your-ass-in-here/95737/18 "2001-11-28T22:00:59Z")
To all those who are sticking pins in me over the OP you will be happy to knwo that the Karmic retribution you were hoping for has occurred. I went to pick up a dime and managed to split my pants. So now I am at work with my ass fully hanging out. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Albert\_Rose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de053/32.png) [@Albert\_Rose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Albert_Rose)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2001, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jarbabyj-get-your-ass-in-here/95737/19 "2001-11-28T22:45:56Z")
I had a pants-ripping episode myself. I was showing my cross country team how to Butterfly stretch, but I was dressed in my nice clothes. The old pants I was wearing ripped, of course, making a near-perfect flatulatory noise. The kids thought that was extra funny. Goddam fart-sniffers. Worse than a Rammstein concert. Where’s my karmic reward???!!! Hey, e-mail the mods and ask them to move your thread to MPSIMS and change the title to **Embarrassing Pants-Ripping Episodes**. ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2001, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jarbabyj-get-your-ass-in-here/95737/20 "2001-11-29T01:13:54Z")
I split my fencing pants horrible a few months ago in the midst of an especially forceful attack. Problem was, I felt them splitting in the middle of it, as it were. So at the last moment I pulled the attack to salvage what was left of my crotch, whereupon my opponent obligingly cracked me on the head, while I was looking down. As I have a nasty habit of chewing on the underside of my lip when I concentrate, I bit halfway through it. So I ended up with split knickers and a bloody lip. It sucked. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jarbabyj-get-your-ass-in-here/95737.md?page=2)