# Jared, i don't care about your ho' wife! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 5, 2003, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897 "2003-02-05T06:17:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2003, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897/1 "2003-02-05T06:17:41Z")
In fact, i don’t even care about you! Get off the TV, you talentless dowcet, you are not fit to eat crapaudine, even if on one of your caponizing Subway sandwiches. in short, eat me, you jumentous rat molestor, and your scolecophagous wife, too! ---
**Author:** ![Slacker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@Slacker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slacker)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2003, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897/2 "2003-02-05T06:23:21Z")
This rant sucks. However, you did introduce me to the word _scolecophagous_, so all is forgiven. Now to work that badboy into a conversation tomorrow at work. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2003, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897/3 "2003-02-05T06:33:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tars Tarkas \* > \*\*In fact, i don’t even care about you! Get off the TV, you talentless dowcet, you are not fit to eat crapaudine, even if on one of your caponizing Subway sandwiches. > in short, eat me, you jumentous rat molestor, and your scolecophagous wife, too! \*\* Get a priest, he’s been possessed by Don King! ---
**Author:** ![I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_can_t_believe_that_s_butter)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2003, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897/4 "2003-02-05T06:33:33Z")
I’m waiting for his major-label debut, myself. ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2003, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897/5 "2003-02-05T06:38:40Z")
She’s just his beard. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2003, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897/6 "2003-02-05T06:41:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tars Tarkas \* > \*\*and your scolecophagous wife, too! \*\* Do you really think Jared’s is segmented? ---
**Author:** ![cherry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cherry)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2003, 6:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897/7 "2003-02-05T06:46:24Z")
woah I’ve been introduced to dowcet, crapaudine, caponizing, jumentous and scolecophagous. ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2003, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897/8 "2003-02-05T06:54:52Z")
**Cherry** , you’ve been introduced to caponizing? Wow, that’s harsh. ---
**Author:** ![RexDart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b77776/32.png) [@RexDart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RexDart)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2003, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897/9 "2003-02-05T06:58:34Z")
Jeez, that rant is like listening to a Bad Religion song. Somebody get out the dictionary and thesaurus, stat! ---
**Author:** ![Manduck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manduck/32/256_2.png) [@Manduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manduck)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2003, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897/10 "2003-02-05T07:24:06Z")
I only know two things about Jarhead’s wife: 1. She hounds him to do all kinds of yardwork, and 2. She doesn’t cook. ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2003, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897/11 "2003-02-05T08:09:42Z")
It’d be forgiveable if their sandwiches didn’t suck so bad, even if you do get all the fatty stuff. Mmmm… one ounce of meat and a half pint of mustard with sugar mixed in. Yum. ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2003, 9:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897/12 "2003-02-05T09:17:40Z")
Hmm. 1. She hounds him to do all kinds of yardwork, and 2. She doesn’t cook. There’s a nice symmetry to this campaign. Jared is a fat lonely loser. Jared starts eating at Subway, and loses weight. People start talking about him. He meets a woman and gets married. She makes him work from can’t see to can’t see, never cooks for him. Jared becomes a malnourished slave. His only sustenance is provided by Subway. Jared eventually dies of starvation and exhaustion. Subway. We can make or break you, so give us some money and maybe we’ll be nice and let you live. I think Microsoft is ahead of them, but that’s more of a subtle thing. ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2003, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897/13 "2003-02-05T13:24:33Z")
I thought it looked an advertisement for a sitcom. Hey, it can’t be any worse than what’s on now… Now on ABC: **Jared’s Place** _In tonight’s epside, Jared’s buddies are over to watch the big game. Humor ensues as Jared’s wife reveals she can’t cook. They all go out for subs._ ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2003, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897/14 "2003-02-05T15:16:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by slortar \* > \*\ ***Jared’s Place:** _In tonight’s epside, Jared’s buddies are over to watch the big game. Humor ensues as Jared’s wife reveals she can’t cook. They all go out for subs._ \*\* I think this would be funnier if he were still fat. They could have an episode where his wife was just dying for sex, moaning “Ride me, you pot-bellied stallion!” but Jared’s belly was so big he couldn’t get close enough to, ah, “hit the target.” He would go outside distraught and discuss it with his next-door neighbor Mr. Subway, who, curiously, always has his face obscured for no good reason. ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2003, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897/15 "2003-02-05T15:23:51Z")
Jared is from Indianapolis, his dad’s a doctor. Just pointless info I thought I’d share. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2003, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897/16 "2003-02-05T15:26:32Z")
Feel the whitebread. Be the whitebread. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2003, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897/17 "2003-02-05T15:27:23Z")
. . . And how many points would you be? ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2003, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897/18 "2003-02-05T15:28:52Z")
Tars, you’d kick my ass in Scrabble. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2003, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897/19 "2003-02-05T15:35:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lieu \* > \*\*Tars, you’d kick my ass in Scrabble. \*\* Or at least caponize it. [sub]Did I even use that correctly?[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![S.Mussberger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@S.Mussberger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/S.Mussberger)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2003, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897/20 "2003-02-05T15:44:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by RexDart \* > \*\*Jeez, that rant is like listening to a Bad Religion song. \*\* Ha! It’s funny because it’s true… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897.md?page=2)