# Jared, i don't care about your ho' wife! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 5, 2003, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897 "2003-02-05T06:17:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2003, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897/41 "2003-02-05T22:41:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Waverly \* > **Jared has been hyped to the point where his eventual ballooning will be a marketing disaster of Delta Burke proportions.** Actually, if the Subway marketing department has half a brain, they’re filming commercials with Jared at a rate far in excess of that at which they’re showing them. In other words, they could be creating a backlog as insurance against the possibility of his fall from slimness, so they can maintain the illusion of his trim figure despite anything that might happen in reality. Hell, Jared could be _dead_ for years before they ran out of ads. _Then_ they bring in the Jared3000. Sort of like that Mazda zoom-zoom kid. I’m convinced that as soon as they knew it would be successful, they brought the kid into the studio for one day and filmed him doing the line with a variety of angles and costumes in front of a blue screen. They can keep shooting automobile footage and composite the kid on top of it forever if they want. ---
**Author:** ![syphillis\_sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@syphillis\_sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/syphillis_sam)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897/42 "2003-02-06T02:22:47Z")
the saga of Jared really depresses me, as it is a particularly realistic depiction of life. Let’s take a look, shall we? 1.)Jared is fat. Nobody likes him. 2.)Jared loses weight with Subway. Still, nobody likes him, however he can now get the occasional one-nighter. 3.)Subway decides to paste his face all over the television as their new spokesman, along with which I’m sure came a hefty paycheck. 4.)Everyone sees Jared, he becomes a hero to every fat man in America, though not really. 5.)Jared miraculously falls in love with a beautiful woman, who seems rather yenta-like to me. Point is, he wouldn’t have landed her if he was still fat and ugly. Would that woman have even given Jared a second glance if he was still huge and not a marketing sensation? Methinks not. ---
**Author:** ![Manduck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manduck/32/256_2.png) [@Manduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manduck)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897/43 "2003-02-06T03:33:15Z")
I wonder how Clay Henry does with th’ chicks ---
**Author:** ![Bottle\_of\_Smoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Bottle\_of\_Smoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bottle_of_Smoke)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897/44 "2003-02-06T04:30:01Z")
Gahhh! Damn you – now that cursed jingle is in my head. “He got real big on burgers and fries. Now he’s down to a smaller size. Clay Henry!” :stabs self with bread knife: ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897/45 "2003-02-06T04:43:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Waverly \* > \*\*Miracle Whip is the spunk of Satan, you bog-waddling philistine! \*\* Hmm. I guess this means I swallow. I loves me the white Whip o’ the Prince of Lies! ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897/46 "2003-02-06T05:10:02Z")
I swallow too, but then everyone already knew that;) ---
**Author:** ![Manduck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manduck/32/256_2.png) [@Manduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manduck)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 10:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897/47 "2003-02-06T10:14:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bottle of Smoke \* > **Gahhh! Damn you – now that cursed jingle is in my head.** **MWAHAHAHA HA HA HAAA!** 😛 ---
**Author:** ![SirRay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@SirRay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SirRay)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897/48 "2003-02-06T15:07:20Z")
Just wondering, does anyone really sweep the leaves off their roof like Jared does in the commercial. And why didn’t Jared just get his Aides to do it (because, as you know, ‘Jared Has Aides’) ---
**Author:** ![Witch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/258eb7/32.png) [@Witch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Witch)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897/49 "2003-02-06T18:35:53Z")
I’m glad that wasn’t just me **SirRay**. In fact, sweeping the leaves off my roof would never even cross my mind. And getting Aides was one of the best things Jared ever did! ---
**Author:** ![Gorgon\_Heap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f475e1/32.png) [@Gorgon\_Heap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgon_Heap)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897/50 "2003-02-06T19:00:20Z")
I can handle the Clay Henry thing because I find it amusing that he’s annoyed with everyone singing his name, but what I cannot for the life of me stand is the afforementioned “zoom-zoom” kid. I shudder just to type it! He scares the bejeezus outta me! Eeeeew! Eeeeeew! Get offa my TV you creepy little thing!!! ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2003, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897/51 "2003-02-06T19:06:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tars Tarkas \* > \*\*In fact, i don’t even care about you! Get off the TV, you talentless dowcet, you are not fit to eat crapaudine, even if on one of your caponizing Subway sandwiches. > in short, eat me, you jumentous rat molestor, and your scolecophagous wife, too! \*\* If you really didn’t care, you wouldn’t have started this moronic rant. ---
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897/52 "2003-02-07T00:03:59Z")
great response, i am in awe… :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![capacitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e47774/32.png) [@capacitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capacitor)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897/53 "2003-02-07T00:57:01Z")
Hey, is Jared the ‘Can you hear me now?’ guy in the Verizon commercials? ---
**Author:** ![Manduck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manduck/32/256_2.png) [@Manduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manduck)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897/54 "2003-02-07T02:09:19Z")
Do you remember, anyone, around the time of the original Clay Henry [sub](mwahaha ha haaa)[/sub] commercial, there was another one that featured a woman who admired Jared, and almost worshipped him to an unhealthy degree. She had pictures of him on her refrigerator and everything. The commercial showed her going to Subway for a lettuce sandwich (hold the mayo!) and meeting Jared there. Do you remember that one? It didn’t get as much play as the Clay Henry [sub](mwahaha ha haaa)[/sub] one. Anyway, is that woman the current Mrs Jared? I can’t remember exactly what she looked like, but I _think_ she resembled the woman whom we now know as Jared’s ho wife. Anybody know? ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897/55 "2003-02-07T02:14:28Z")
> [@](#): > > Do you remember, anyone, around the time of the original Clay Henry (mwahaha ha haaa) commercial A POX on you, **Manduck**!!! 🙂 I had expunged that horrible thing from my mind, and now it’s back. [sub]grumble[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897/56 "2003-02-07T05:32:55Z")
**Whistling desperately to keep that song out of my mind** [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jared-i-dont-care-about-your-ho-wife/152897.md?page=2)