# Jay-Z's got 99 problems, and they're itemized right here **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 29, 2015, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914 "2015-09-29T03:32:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/1 "2015-09-29T03:32:15Z")
\*Your help in fleshing out the list is greatly appreciated, but bear in mind that a bitch should NOT be included. \* -Ticking from the wind-up clock his grandmother gave him makes it difficult to fall asleep some nights. -Has trouble spelling “conscientious.” -Can’t figure out how to clear his browsing history on Chrome. -Lactose intolerant. -Has led his rec softball league in strikeouts with runners in scoring position for six straight years. -Got paint on his favorite pillow case. -Papercut on his penis. -Dropped his uncapped Chapstick on the hotel room floor. -Plugged up the toilet at his in-law’s house, no idea where they keep the plunger. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/2 "2015-09-29T03:35:20Z")
- Half a box of Wheaties left, but no milk. - Turns out Blue Ivy is a big fan of Barney the dinosaur. - Dropped Rolex off yacht ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/3 "2015-09-29T04:18:07Z")
-People pronouncing his name “Jazz”. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/4 "2015-09-29T06:54:57Z")
- Really wants olives, date on jar says “September 15”, not sure if they’re still good. ---
**Author:** ![brovolone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a88e4f/32.png) [@brovolone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brovolone)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/5 "2015-09-29T07:05:43Z")
-went to the store for a carton of eggs; came home with a 3-pack of gum, a Redbull, and no eggs. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/6 "2015-09-29T13:17:26Z")
-Accidentally bought seeded grapes instead of the seedless kind he really wanted. ---
**Author:** ![swampspruce](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampspruce/32/261_2.png) [@swampspruce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampspruce)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/7 "2015-09-29T14:03:36Z")
- French fries in the back seat of the Bentley are impossible to get out. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/8 "2015-09-29T14:14:56Z")
- Printer says it’s out of yellow ink, not even trying to print in color. ---
**Author:** ![jujuju](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7993a0/32.png) [@jujuju](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jujuju)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/9 "2015-09-29T14:27:12Z")
> [@Happy\_Lendervedder](#): > > \*Your help in fleshing out the list is greatly appreciated, but bear in mind that a bitch should NOT be included. [/]. > > -Has led his rec softball league in strikeouts with runners in scoring position for six straight years. Is this a trick? ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/10 "2015-09-29T14:28:13Z")
-The crabgrass has won. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/11 "2015-09-29T15:04:15Z")
Can’t decide whether to buy the toilet paper with or without the roll. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/12 "2015-09-29T15:21:44Z")
hemorrhoids ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/13 "2015-09-29T18:31:41Z")
-Got a bonus curly fry in his order of regular fries at Arby’s, but it got eaten by he lunch companion. ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/14 "2015-09-29T18:50:19Z")
The housekeeper keeps putting the toilet paper on the wrong way around. But she’s not a bitch. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/15 "2015-09-29T18:57:59Z")
- Sea monkeys kind of disappointing. ---
**Author:** ![CGav8r](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/34f0e0/32.png) [@CGav8r](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CGav8r)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/16 "2015-09-29T19:07:25Z")
-Can’t get Tony Basil’s “Mickey” out of his brain. -Still can’t remember difference between stalatites and stalagmites -Back hair ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/17 "2015-09-29T19:21:41Z")
Cannot get a streeet named after him in DC because of that bastard John Jay. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/18 "2015-09-29T19:23:08Z")
Can’t remember the words to the chorus of his wife’s Single Ladies. ---
**Author:** ![brovolone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a88e4f/32.png) [@brovolone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brovolone)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/19 "2015-09-29T19:33:04Z")
_Can_ remember the words to the chorus of his wife’s Irreplaceable. ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/20 "2015-09-29T19:39:48Z")
Had to make a late night caviar run, only to find that Mark Cuban just bought all that the corner store had left. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914.md?page=2)