# Jay-Z's got 99 problems, and they're itemized right here **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 29, 2015, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914 "2015-09-29T03:32:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/21 "2015-09-29T19:42:18Z")
Set his DVR to record the Simpsons but the late football game on Fox ran long, only recorded 10 minutes of it. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/22 "2015-09-29T19:47:22Z")
His best friend keeps interrupting his award acceptance speeches. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/23 "2015-09-29T20:58:21Z")
That’s 33 so far… ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/24 "2015-09-29T21:11:24Z")
British people keep calling him Jay-Zed. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/25 "2015-09-29T21:47:03Z")
> [@Machine\_Elf](#): > > That’s 33 so far… He has a problem with math. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/26 "2015-09-29T22:13:31Z")
Screen door won’t stay on the track. Dog’s anal glands need expressing. Ain’t nobody got time fo dat. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/27 "2015-09-29T22:23:49Z")
- Was sure that there was a Hardee’s at this intersection, turns out it’s an Arby’s. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/28 "2015-09-29T22:47:14Z")
-Phone died, can’t find charger. -President keeps calling asking him to “hang out”. -Just found out the city doesn’t actually belong to him. ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/29 "2015-09-29T22:53:58Z")
- Despite multiple campaigns, has been unable to win President of the local Kiwanis club. - Keeps believing it’s butter. - Too. Many. Shrimp. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/30 "2015-09-29T23:24:25Z")
Beyonce keeps fuckin’ with the thermostat every time he’s not lookin’. Dirty-ass stray cat keeps walking across the hood of his [Maybach Excelero](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maybach_Exelero) every time he parks it outside. ---
**Author:** ![McDoogins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6a8cbe/32.png) [@McDoogins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/McDoogins)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/31 "2015-09-29T23:28:42Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > Dog’s anal glands need expressing. I lolled. He just got back into Aqua Teen Hunger Force and the series ended. ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2015, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/32 "2015-09-29T23:37:07Z")
He’s THIS close to answering P versus NP, but that one motherfucka of a derivative keeps getting in the motherfucking way. ---
**Author:** ![Mosier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ea924/32.png) [@Mosier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mosier)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2015, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/33 "2015-09-30T01:48:22Z")
Nobody told him the Lost finale sucks, and he wasted a month binge-watching the series. Ate an entire birthday cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper inside. Blowing in the NES cartridge isn’t working anymore. Hundred dollar bills aren’t accepted at Little Caesar’s. Realized way too late that he’s not cut out for the UFC. UV light reveals all the boogers smeared on his bathroom wall next to the toilet. Outsmarted by a tenth grader in a “your momma” joke contest. Accidentally bought king size sheets for a California king bed. Mispronounced a word he had only ever seen written down. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2015, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/34 "2015-09-30T04:02:45Z")
- It’s been three weeks since he sent the information and Mugame Obato from the Nigerian Petroleum Export Bank hasn’t gotten back to him about that $4.1 million he’s owed. ---
**Author:** ![Rob\_da\_Reese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rob\_da\_Reese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rob_da_Reese)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2015, 8:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/35 "2015-09-30T08:33:37Z")
He dipped a biscuit in his tea, it crumbled, and all the small spoons are dirty. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2015, 8:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/36 "2015-09-30T08:44:02Z")
Phone charger cable only just barely long enough to reach the bedstand; keeps phone perched precariously on the edge all night. Ran out of chips before he ran out of dip. Never got around to having that second cup of coffee and now it’s too late in the afternoon to drink coffee. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2015, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/37 "2015-09-30T14:06:50Z")
- Downside of his enormous mainstream success is that Nas will always be the cooler one now. ---
**Author:** ![swampspruce](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampspruce/32/261_2.png) [@swampspruce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampspruce)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2015, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/38 "2015-09-30T14:24:02Z")
65-ish down. -Drunken Bieber keeps calling asking “If the Doctor’s in the house, Yo!” and hanging up despite call block. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2015, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/39 "2015-09-30T14:38:20Z")
-After numerous flight delays, arrives at hotel after 2am; can’t find a single restaurant open within a 5 mile radius. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2015, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/40 "2015-09-30T15:25:35Z")
Shoes too tight. Went to use the convenience, and it was freezing cold. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914.md?page=3)