# Jay-Z's got 99 problems, and they're itemized right here **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 29, 2015, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914 "2015-09-29T03:32:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2015, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/41 "2015-09-30T15:49:10Z")
The tulips he worked on all spring were eaten by deer. ---
**Author:** ![Diceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2015, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/42 "2015-09-30T16:21:28Z")
Loves the bean burritos at Del Taco, but they do _not_ love him. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2015, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/43 "2015-09-30T16:27:44Z")
- Serial killer distant cousin preventing his passing an FBI background check to be a junior agent - Member of a doomsday cult whose apocalypse already came and passed without incident, now he has a basement full of preserved olives; he hates olives - Once saw a roach in his food at a restaurant, but didn’t say anything because his mom’s friend owned the restaurant. Never been back since, but keeps getting invited back and has to come up with new excuses each time why he can’t go ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2015, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/44 "2015-09-30T16:41:34Z")
> [@YogSosoth](#): > > - Once saw a roach in his food at a restaurant, but didn’t say anything because his mom’s friend owned the restaurant. Never been back since, but keeps getting invited back and has to come up with new excuses each time why he can’t go If Jay-Z decides to reboot _Seinfeld_ with himself in the lead role, this will be the plot of the pilot episode. ---
**Author:** ![DinoR](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dinor/32/2821_2.png) [@DinoR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DinoR)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2015, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/45 "2015-09-30T17:09:48Z")
After taking up vegetable gardening in his backyard as a hobby to help him relax he both learns about the importance of protecting his crop from some of the local bird life and the importance of turning the soil. Garden life is just finches and hoes. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2015, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/46 "2015-09-30T17:32:07Z")
-Basement smells like cat pee, can’t figure out the source. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2015, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/47 "2015-09-30T17:40:04Z")
Yes, he’s cleared his cache and rebooted. That’s \*not \*the problem. ---
**Author:** ![leftfield6](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leftfield6/32/18780_2.png) [@leftfield6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leftfield6)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2015, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/48 "2015-09-30T19:21:41Z")
Bought his significant other a new iPhone 6s, when she clearly said she wanted an iPhone 6s PLUS ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2015, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/49 "2015-09-30T19:50:38Z")
-Thought Jerry Lewis and Jerry Lee Lewis were the same damn person ---
**Author:** ![swampspruce](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampspruce/32/261_2.png) [@swampspruce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampspruce)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2015, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/50 "2015-09-30T19:57:14Z")
- Wants to pop the Cristal, but Blue is having temper tantrums in the crib. ---
**Author:** ![Channing\_Idaho\_Banks](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/channing_idaho_banks/32/250_2.png) [@Channing\_Idaho\_Banks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Channing_Idaho_Banks)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2015, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/51 "2015-09-30T20:10:37Z")
Not enough time in the day (for more than one nap). ---
**Author:** ![brovolone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a88e4f/32.png) [@brovolone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brovolone)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2015, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/52 "2015-09-30T20:19:14Z")
-flexible plastic straw cracked at the bend crease when he pulled the paper off ---
**Author:** ![Punoqllads](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d2c977/32.png) [@Punoqllads](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Punoqllads)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2015, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/53 "2015-09-30T20:44:21Z")
Still can’t figure out Haskell monads. ---
**Author:** ![orderfire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/orderfire/32/10908_2.png) [@orderfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/orderfire)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2015, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/54 "2015-09-30T21:23:04Z")
> [@YogSosoth](#): > > - Once saw a roach in his food at a restaurant, but didn’t say anything because his mom’s friend owned the restaurant. Never been back since, but keeps getting invited back and has to come up with new excuses each time why he can’t go Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure that was Wonder Mike’s problem? ---
**Author:** ![Reluctant\_A](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/839c29/32.png) [@Reluctant\_A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reluctant_A)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2015, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/55 "2015-09-30T22:09:57Z")
I thought that Wonder Mike’s problem was that the macaroni was soggy, the peas were mushed, and the chicken tasted like wood? ---
**Author:** ![brovolone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a88e4f/32.png) [@brovolone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brovolone)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2015, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/56 "2015-09-30T22:22:12Z")
-lit his last cigarette backwards -mistakenly ordered blue waffle at waffle house ---
**Author:** ![Emtar\_KronJonDerSohn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/58956e/32.png) [@Emtar\_KronJonDerSohn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emtar_KronJonDerSohn)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2015, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/57 "2015-09-30T22:23:51Z")
> [@Reluctant\_A](#): > > I thought that Wonder Mike’s problem was that the macaroni was soggy, the peas were mushed, and the chicken tasted like wood? No, he called his friend two weeks later to see how he has been, he said “I understand about the food, well, whabubba wha we’re still friends.” Crisis averted! ---
**Author:** ![brovolone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a88e4f/32.png) [@brovolone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brovolone)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2015, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/58 "2015-09-30T22:30:36Z")
-inherits 50 more problems -stomach growls loudly during test ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Nylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/77aa72/32.png) [@Mr.Nylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Nylock)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2015, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/59 "2015-09-30T23:05:45Z")
- With a full time job it is hard to find time to study for the LSAT’s ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2015, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/60 "2015-10-01T02:36:09Z")
- Was planning on watching _Citizen Kane_ this weekend. Then somebody in his entourage spoiled the ending. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914.md?page=4)