# Jay-Z's got 99 problems, and they're itemized right here **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 29, 2015, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914 "2015-09-29T03:32:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![brovolone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a88e4f/32.png) [@brovolone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brovolone)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2015, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/61 "2015-10-01T02:53:08Z")
-sprayed air freshener before realizing the nozzle was backwards -summoned to jury duty same day as his wedding ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2015, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/62 "2015-10-01T02:57:18Z")
Can’t find the corkscrew. Doesn’t know one simple trick. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2015, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/63 "2015-10-01T03:34:24Z")
-While in international waters, he witnessed a very close relative torture and brutally murder another man for no apparent reason other than to satisfy a sadistic urge; doesn’t know which law enforcement agency to contact. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2015, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/64 "2015-10-01T05:50:06Z")
- Just remembered the library closes at five on Wednesdays and has several books that were due back today. ---
**Author:** ![brovolone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a88e4f/32.png) [@brovolone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brovolone)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2015, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/65 "2015-10-01T07:22:23Z")
-prepaid at the gas station, drove off without pumping the gas ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2015, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/66 "2015-10-01T14:01:35Z")
- Wants to mentor a young protege, but he wants to quit the thug life and be a lawyer instead - Has a deathly fear of cats, but has to pretend like he doesn’t to maintain his image; his niece comes over with her new kitty and he’s all out of xanax - Has a sneaky suspicion that his friends only invite him over to their parties because of Beyonce ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2015, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/67 "2015-10-01T14:04:28Z")
Somehow got on Suge Knight’s hit list – doesn’t expect to last the weekend. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2015, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/68 "2015-10-01T14:05:12Z")
It’s October 1st and he doesn’t have any chipped credit cards! ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2015, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/69 "2015-10-01T14:18:32Z")
-Allergies been fucking with him ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2015, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/70 "2015-10-01T15:42:13Z")
- Wants to turn and look at all the emergency vehicles screaming past, afraid he’ll look like a dork. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2015, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/71 "2015-10-01T16:11:53Z")
Wants to show off his rebuilt clock, but fears arrest by police. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2015, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/72 "2015-10-01T16:15:14Z")
Afterbuying a purebred kennel for greyhounds, it turns out a bitch IS one of his problems. ---
**Author:** ![swampspruce](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampspruce/32/261_2.png) [@swampspruce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampspruce)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2015, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/73 "2015-10-01T17:56:47Z")
- Bae’s walking around the house with paint swatches. Again. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2015, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/74 "2015-10-01T18:08:19Z")
Upgraded to Windows 10, now Audacity won’t run. ---
**Author:** ![Dallas\_Jones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dallas_jones/32/3277_2.png) [@Dallas\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dallas_Jones)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2015, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/75 "2015-10-01T18:20:04Z")
\*99 problems with J on the wall. 99 problems with J. Take one down and pass it around, 98 problems with J on the wall. 98 problems with J on the wall. 98 problems with J. Take one down and pass it around, 97 problems with J on the wall.\* Repeat until all are passed. Out. Hey, it’s October 1st in Oregon. We need a song. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![brovolone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a88e4f/32.png) [@brovolone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brovolone)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2015, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/76 "2015-10-01T20:41:08Z")
-went to friend’s house and the dog won’t stop sniffing his crotch > [@Mosier](#): > > Mispronounced a word he had only ever seen written down. -paradigm as para-diggum ---
**Author:** ![Diceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2015, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/77 "2015-10-02T16:12:57Z")
Bought a Volkswagen “Clean Diesel” to give himself some green cred. Now he feels like a sucka every time he looks at it in the driveway. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2015, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/78 "2015-10-02T17:31:53Z")
Upset that President Obama gave a shout out to Kanye West insead of him, evn though the shout out was “You’re a jackass”. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2015, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/79 "2015-10-02T17:37:05Z")
“No, dammit, my last name is Carter. I am not Mr Knowles.” ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2015, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914/80 "2015-10-02T18:02:56Z")
Slowing growth and international monetary policy are both putting upward pressure on the dollar, pointing to low inflation. On the other hand, market liquidity goes down toward the end of the year, so if he’s going to hike the federal rate, he’s got to do it now, or wait until 2016 Q1. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jay-zs-got-99-problems-and-theyre-itemized-right-here/732914.md?page=5)