# JD Vance couch story **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 14, 2024, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715 "2024-08-14T20:38:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2024, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/41 "2024-08-15T23:21:51Z")
C’mon, Guys! You _know_ he fucked that couch! 😆 ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2024, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/42 "2024-08-16T00:49:02Z")
Oh my Bob! ---
**Author:** ![Smapti](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smapti/32/17938_2.png) [@Smapti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smapti)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2024, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/43 "2024-08-16T00:55:06Z")
> [@Smapti](#): > > “Elton John got rushed to the emergency room and they pumped a gallon of semen out of his stomach” > [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](#): > > Gawd, people will believe any lie. > > Everyone knows it was Rod Stewart! 🙂 FWIW, Snopes has both versions, and notes that the story has been around long enough it used to be about Clara Bow. > **[Rock Star 'Stomach Pump' Legend](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/rock-star-stomach-pump/)** > > Rock star collapses and has a pint of semen pumped from his stomach. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2024, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/44 "2024-08-16T01:15:38Z")
We think he did, but so far all we know for sure is that he refuses to say he didn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2024, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/45 "2024-08-16T01:24:13Z")
Trump wants to be a dictator, while Vance wants to rule the Ottoman Empire. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2024, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/46 "2024-08-16T02:08:53Z")
Ha! (Fuck off with your five characters, discourse. ) ---
**Author:** ![Smapti](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smapti/32/17938_2.png) [@Smapti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smapti)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2024, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/47 "2024-08-16T02:13:57Z")
He was excited about campaigning in Iowa because he heard they’d be spending the night in Davenport. ---
**Author:** ![beowulff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beowulff/32/542_2.png) [@beowulff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beowulff)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2024, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/48 "2024-08-16T02:15:54Z")
The Pillow Guy is a different fucker. ---
**Author:** ![Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/q.q.switcheroo/32/5713_2.png) [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.Q.Switcheroo)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2024, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/49 "2024-08-16T02:20:55Z")
I hear he likes smokin’ Chesterfields. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2024, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/50 "2024-08-16T02:59:28Z")
When JD was asked how the campaign was going, he replied… _Sofa, So Good!_ ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2024, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/51 "2024-08-16T03:13:50Z")
I hope he doesn’t have Futon fetishes. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2024, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/52 "2024-08-16T03:27:55Z")
Ottoman Onanism ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2024, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/53 "2024-08-16T03:38:13Z")
Vance’s campaign song, courtesy of French band Plastic Bertrand Allez hop, la nana, quel panard Quelle vibration De s’envoyer sur le paillasson Limée, ruinée, vidée, comblée “You are the King of the divan” Qu’elle me dit en passant Ouh-ouh-ouh-ouh I am the King of the divan ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2024, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/54 "2024-08-16T03:54:38Z")
You just _ **know** _ that now that he’s pondered the rumor long enough, he’s gone ahead and fucked the couch just out of curiosity’s sake. Hopefully, he used the glove. ---
**Author:** ![snowthx](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowthx/32/10660_2.png) [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2024, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/55 "2024-08-16T04:23:48Z")
His favorite furniture store is _Sofa King_. ---
**Author:** ![Smapti](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smapti/32/17938_2.png) [@Smapti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smapti)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2024, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/56 "2024-08-16T04:26:11Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > You just _ **know** _ that now that he’s pondered the rumor long enough, he’s gone ahead and fucked the couch just out of curiosity’s sake. I move that “fucked the couch” should replace the expression “screwed the pooch” in the English lexicon. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2024, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/57 "2024-08-16T04:28:00Z")
> [@Smapti](#): > > I move that “fucked the couch” should replace the expression “screwed the pooch” in the English lexicon. YES!!! ETA: Let’s make that “_ **screwed** _ the couch” so it can be reported unedited by more media and used by more genteel folks. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2024, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/58 "2024-08-16T04:36:59Z")
What happened to the backseat of the Chevy? Not all boys got prom dates, you know? ---
**Author:** ![Smapti](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smapti/32/17938_2.png) [@Smapti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smapti)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2024, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/59 "2024-08-16T04:40:00Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > ETA: Let’s make that “_ **screwed** _ the couch” so it can be reported unedited by more media and used by more genteel folks. IIRC, “screwed the pooch” was originally a Bowdlerized version of “fucked the dog”, so I suppose the PG-rated version works. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2024, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/60 "2024-08-16T04:48:43Z")
Podcaster David Pakman has started referring to him as J. D. Lindell. I had to think about that one for a second. I also feel bad for the Vance kids, because they will eventually hear this story. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715.md?page=4)