# JD Vance couch story **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 14, 2024, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715 "2024-08-14T20:38:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2024, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/81 "2024-08-16T20:42:22Z")
No, I’m trying to make it less obviously profane. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2024, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/82 "2024-08-16T20:49:07Z")
> [@bump](#): > > I mean, his parents could have had this couch…  See, that would have been understandable! ---
**Author:** ![Biffster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biffster/32/339_2.png) [@Biffster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffster)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2024, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/83 "2024-08-17T03:16:11Z")
That’s like seven different…partners. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2024, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/84 "2024-08-17T03:40:34Z")
I could see a guy doing that if he was going to discard the couch immediately afterwards anyway, especially if (NOT TOO MUCH!) alcohol was involved. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2024, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/85 "2024-08-17T03:44:37Z")
TBH, this sounds like a story Shagnasty would have told! (Anyone else remember him?) This Vance/couch story also reminds me of the long-running urban legend about the girl who masturbated with a frozen hot dog, and it broke off in her vagina and she had to go to the ER to have it removed. Because everyone at school found out about it, the family had to move to another city - and when the moving van pulled up, some kids were already waiting in the yard for them, to bully her about it. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2024, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/86 "2024-08-17T03:46:07Z")
I fairly sure there’s an cleaning substance that will clean semen. It’s been washed off skin by lots of people. You don’t have to discard the sofa. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2024, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/87 "2024-08-17T03:50:30Z")
But in the cushions? ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2024, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/88 "2024-08-17T04:03:07Z")
Well, you’d have to know it’s there, wouldn’t you? I bet his Mamaw bought a new couch as soon as she heard the tale. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2024, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/89 "2024-08-17T04:52:13Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > I bet his Mamaw bought a new couch as soon as she heard the tale. Probably Usha, too. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2024, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/90 "2024-08-17T05:04:51Z")
I should have thought she’d only have chairs. For sure. ---
**Author:** ![Biffster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biffster/32/339_2.png) [@Biffster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffster)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2024, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/91 "2024-08-17T08:02:07Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > But in the cushions? I thought in the story he was using a latex glove. ---
**Author:** ![Biffster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biffster/32/339_2.png) [@Biffster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffster)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2024, 8:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/92 "2024-08-17T08:03:37Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Well, you’d have to know it’s there, wouldn’t you? I would think you’d smell it after a while. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2024, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/93 "2024-08-17T08:30:31Z")
Hmm. Not exactly going around putting my face down in-between someones couch cushions. It’s not like it’s poop. If your semen smells that terrible you might need a doctor. A little febreze or pooph would clear that right up. Anywhoo. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2024, 10:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/94 "2024-08-17T10:38:01Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Not exactly going around putting my face down in-between someones couch cushions. “Hey, I found a quarter, two dimes, and….eeewwww…” ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2024, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/95 "2024-08-17T11:53:07Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Not exactly going around putting my face down in-between someones couch cushions. That’s just how to get another disappointed couch. Foreplay is important. ---
**Author:** ![Asuka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dec6dc/32.png) [@Asuka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asuka)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2024, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/96 "2024-08-17T21:00:20Z")
Yeah I was also in the Army which is where 90% of my weird sex/masturbation stories come from. All stories told by people who claimed they weren’t there but “knew of someone” who did it. ---
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2024, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/97 "2024-08-18T12:20:24Z")
Chelsea Handler says that she knows a couch fucker when she sees one. ---
**Author:** ![Al128](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/al128/32/16541_2.png) [@Al128](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Al128)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2024, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/98 "2024-08-19T11:44:47Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > Obviously, they’ve never had an “everything” bagel. Those things _scratch_. So I’ve heard. yunno … _that’s why people order them with **cream cheese** …_ ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/779978/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats2)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2024, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/99 "2024-08-19T20:22:56Z")
I don’t think it’s so strange to have emotional ties to furniture. Neil Diamond always felt that his chair didn’t listen to him. ---
**Author:** ![Biffster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biffster/32/339_2.png) [@Biffster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffster)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2024, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715/100 "2024-08-20T06:56:24Z")
And Elvis proclaimed, “If you can’t find a partner use a wooden chair.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jd-vance-couch-story/1005715.md?page=6)