# Jealousy vs. Envy **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 30, 2014, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jealousy-vs-envy/696970 "2014-08-30T16:18:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2014, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jealousy-vs-envy/696970/1 "2014-08-30T16:18:50Z")
This is a thread about the difference of the two. But, um, it’s not going to be THAT exciting. It’s about the two words themselves. “Jealousy” and “envy” should be two different things, but I trip over the difference. Let’s take Bill Gates. The dude’s a billionaire, happily married to a beautiful and intelligent wife, and the foundation the two started makes the world a better place. I love the guy. I would love to have his life. So here’s the question: Is that “jealousy” or is it “envy”? ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Credible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a8b319/32.png) [@Justin\_Credible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Credible)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2014, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jealousy-vs-envy/696970/2 "2014-08-30T16:31:37Z")
I think I heard once that it’s jealousy if you want the same things the other person has and envy if you actually want to take them from the person. So if you just want to also be rich and have a hot wife it’s jealousy. If you want specifically his house, his money, his wife etc. that’s envy. ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2014, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jealousy-vs-envy/696970/3 "2014-08-30T16:39:15Z")
I think of Jealousy involving affections, and Envy involving more tangible property or personal qualities. If I feel like I should have a person’s affections, but somebody else has it instead, that is jealousy. If I want tsomebody else’s money or car or good looks or cooking skills, it is envy. ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2014, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jealousy-vs-envy/696970/4 "2014-08-30T17:00:56Z")
Don’t forget coveting! That’s even stronger than envy, I think, and definitely in a more “I want what you have, and I don’t want you to have it” way. ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2014, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jealousy-vs-envy/696970/5 "2014-08-30T17:09:30Z")
> [@Justin\_Credible](#): > > I think I heard once that it’s jealousy if you want the same things the other person has and envy if you actually want to take them from the person. > > So if you just want to also be rich and have a hot wife it’s jealousy. If you want specifically his house, his money, his wife etc. that’s envy. I get you, and I _want_ it to be a simple distinction like that, but I fear it’s not. The [Wikipedia entry for jealousy](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jealousy) describes it thus: > [@Wikipedia](#): > > Jealousy is an emotion, and the word typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something of great personal value, particularly in reference to a human connection. Jealousy often consists of a combination of emotions such as anger, resentment, inadequacy, helplessness and disgust. That’s not good at all. Shoot, it’s hardly excusable. And “envy”, of course, is one of the seven deadly sins. That’s pretty damn (heh, biblical) not excusable either. And on preview, HA!, **Rhiannon8404** bring ups the word “coveting” , which kind of confuses me more. “Coveting” is bad, and these are the only words we have. I mean that in the sense that it doesn’t seem like there is a word in the English language that describes the emotion of “I wish I had what he has, but I’m still very happy that he has it”. ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2014, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jealousy-vs-envy/696970/6 "2014-08-30T17:18:26Z")
> [@armedmonkey](#): > > And on preview, HA!, **Rhiannon8404** bring ups the word “coveting” , which kind of confuses me more. “Coveting” is bad, and these are the only words we have. I mean that in the sense that it doesn’t seem like there is a word in the English language that describes the emotion of “I wish I had what he has, but I’m still very happy that he has it”. You’re right, there really isn’t a word for that emotion that I can think of. It’s sort of a combination of admiration and aspiration, maybe. “I admire what he has and I aspire to have it as well.” ---
**Author:** ![Octarine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/22d042/32.png) [@Octarine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Octarine)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2014, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jealousy-vs-envy/696970/7 "2014-08-30T17:48:28Z")
[This](http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/joy-and-pain/201401/what-is-the-difference-between-envy-and-jealousy) is an interesting article on the subject. According to most psychologists, apparently, envy is a two way situation while jealously involves three parties. If you envy a person, you want what they have and you don’t have. If you’re jealous, then a possession you have - such as a relationship - is threatened by a third person. So you’re envious of Bill Gates, not jealous. Although in everyday speech, they have almost identical meanings. ---
**Author:** ![jabiru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bbce88/32.png) [@jabiru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jabiru)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2014, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jealousy-vs-envy/696970/8 "2014-08-31T03:07:52Z")
People misuse these two words all the time. It bugs me but I don’t correct them. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2014, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jealousy-vs-envy/696970/9 "2014-08-31T03:42:04Z")
One means, “Man, I wish I had what you have.” The other means, “I wish I had what you have, _and I don’t want you to have it_.” So which is which? Dunno, some say envy’s the former and jealousy’s the latter; some say it’s the other way around. But it’s clear these two attitudes exist and are different. ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2014, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jealousy-vs-envy/696970/10 "2014-08-31T04:13:49Z")
> [@jabiru](#): > > People misuse these two words all the time. It bugs me but I don’t correct them. Well, _how_ do they misuse them? That’s the whole point of this. You can’t sit back and say “people are wrong all the time - but I’m right”, without actually explaining how you’re right. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2014, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jealousy-vs-envy/696970/11 "2014-08-31T04:18:33Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > One means, “Man, I wish I had what you have.” > > The other means, “I wish I had what you have, _and I don’t want you to have it_.” > So which is which? Dunno, some say envy’s the former and jealousy’s the latter; some say it’s the other way around. But it’s clear these two attitudes exist and are different. Bullshit. They mean the same damn thing. ---
**Author:** ![jabiru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bbce88/32.png) [@jabiru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jabiru)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2014, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jealousy-vs-envy/696970/12 "2014-08-31T05:30:24Z")
> [@armedmonkey](#): > > Well, _how_ do they misuse them? That’s the whole point of this. You can’t sit back and say “people are wrong all the time - but I’m right”, without actually explaining how you’re right. I thought others had already explained the difference quite well and saw no reason to repeat the explanations. ---
**Author:** ![Jeff\_Lichtman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jeff_lichtman/32/1531_2.png) [@Jeff\_Lichtman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeff_Lichtman)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2014, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jealousy-vs-envy/696970/13 "2014-08-31T07:21:24Z")
Here is how Webster’s 2nd defines “envy”: > [@](#): > > Chagrin, mortification, discontent, or uneasiness at the sight of another’s excellence or good fortune, accompanied by some degree of hatred and a desire to possess equal advantages; malicious grudging Here’s how it defines “jealousy”: > [@](#): > > Unpleasant apprehension, suspicion, or resentment, arising from fear or mistrust of another; specifically: a. Unpleasant apprehension of rivalship in cases nearly affecting one’s happiness; unpleasant suspicion of the faithfulness of husband, wife, or lover. b. Grudging; envy; as jealousy of rank. So one accepted definition of “jealousy” is “envy.” If you want to distinguish between them, jealousy is based on the fear of losing someone or something you have, while envy is based on the desire for what someone else has. Some people treat the words as synonyms, and Webster’s 2nd recognizes that. I prefer to make a distinction, but I have no control over how others use language. If you don’t treat the words as synonyms, you’re envious of Bill Gates, not jealous of him. Gates might feel jealous if he thought someone was after his wife. ---
**Author:** ![justanothermike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c2a13f/32.png) [@justanothermike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/justanothermike)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2014, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jealousy-vs-envy/696970/14 "2014-08-31T19:19:20Z")
I’m on board with those that have it as such: Jealousy - I want to have what you have. Envy - I want what you have and don’t want you to have it. That’s how I’ve always heard it put. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2014, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jealousy-vs-envy/696970/15 "2014-08-31T21:51:57Z")
> [@Justin\_Credible](#): > > I think I heard once that it’s jealousy if you want the same things the other person has and envy if you actually want to take them from the person. …and I’ve always heard them defined exactly the opposite. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2014, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jealousy-vs-envy/696970/16 "2014-08-31T22:21:07Z")
Right. It’s envy if you wish \*you \*had what the other guy has, and jealousy if you wish _he didn’t_ have it. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2014, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jealousy-vs-envy/696970/17 "2014-08-31T22:53:57Z")
For me, envy is somewhat more innocent, “I wish I was as good a gardener as her!” Whereas jealousy seems more dark. To me it implies added bitterness or even anger, that ‘they’ don’t deserve such and such, are unworthy, etc. (It’s been very interesting to read everyone’s different nuanced reasoning!) ---
**Author:** ![guizot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guizot/32/3636_2.png) [@guizot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guizot)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2014, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jealousy-vs-envy/696970/18 "2014-08-31T23:25:15Z")
I have to say that I’ve never looked up either word. I always assumed that, if **armedmonkey** knew Melissa Gates, and if she chose Bill over **armedmonkey** , (or otherwise gave him more attention than to **armedmoneky** ), then **armedmonkey** would feel _jealousy_. But since it’s not actually Melissa Gates herself that **armedmonkey** wants, but rather what she represents, then it’s _envy_. Moreover, for me, _envy_ would not necessarily entail a desire for Bill to loose Melissa. In other words, you can _envy_ someone and not wish them any ill. It’s considered unbecoming to be _envious_ not because you wish someone else harm, but because you are self-centered by only thinking about what you don’t have, and by not celebrating what he has. The Webster’s and Wikipedia entries seem to support this, but now I see that many people understand and use the terms conversely, and I hear people use them interchangeably often. ---
**Author:** ![Learjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/94ad74/32.png) [@Learjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Learjeff)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2014, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jealousy-vs-envy/696970/19 "2014-09-01T04:49:37Z")
> [@Justin\_Credible](#): > > I think I heard once that it’s jealousy if you want the same things the other person has and envy if you actually want to take them from the person. I would say nearly the opposite of that. Jealousy has a far more negative quality. You want what they have _instead_ of them having it. Envy is just wishing you had the same or similar. > [@Octarine](#): > > [This](http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/joy-and-pain/201401/what-is-the-difference-between-envy-and-jealousy) is an interesting article on the subject. According to most psychologists, apparently, envy is a two way situation while jealously involves three parties. If you envy a person, you want what they have and you don’t have. If you’re jealous, then a possession you have - such as a relationship - is threatened by a third person. That’s a pretty good distinction. > [@elbows](#): > > For me, envy is somewhat more innocent, “I wish I was as good a gardener as her!” > > Whereas jealousy seems more dark. To me it implies added bitterness or even anger, that ‘they’ don’t deserve such and such, are unworthy, etc. Another good one, though I believe even envy can turn dark, in a Dickensian way. I think Uriah Heep was riddled with envy, not jealousy (though no doubt he had some of the latter too, but it was the former that drove him.) Admittedly, there is a mere semantic question here: what do we mean by the words, and clearly, many people don’t make much of a distinction. But once the distinction is made clear, most people will agree that different emotions are attached. As a youngster I had difficulty distinguishing between the two and had to train myself about the difference. Well, I suspect I’m missing the jealousy gene, or whatever mental mechanism it is that causes people to feel it. I’ve never felt it, despite being madly infatuated with a girl who loved another guy, whom I became good friends with, and played bridge regularly with them both when I (out of pure chance) happened to wind up in the same apartment building. I envied him: I wanted her to dig me. But she didn’t. I didn’t have any negative feelings toward either of them, though I was bummed out for my own sake (I got over that, after a year or so.) My wife of 27 years has never given me any reason to feel jealousy, so perhaps I’m capable but just haven’t been put to the test, other than the case above. Regardless, I’ve certainly seen behavior in others that I can attribute to some special emotional cocktail that goes by the name of “jealousy” and is clearly distinct from mere envy. ---
**Author:** ![Yumblie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/76d3ee/32.png) [@Yumblie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yumblie)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2014, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jealousy-vs-envy/696970/20 "2014-09-02T02:39:27Z")
I agree with the most recent posts. I think most people would be envious of Bill Gates. Who wouldn’t want to have effectively limitless money to be able to donate to causes you believe in? But to be jealous of Bill Gates implies that I think I deserve all that money _instead_ of him. I think envy is more abstract (I desire Bill Gates’s lifestyle), jealousy is more personal (my emotions are more directed toward Bill Gates as a person). [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jealousy-vs-envy/696970.md?page=2)