# Jealousy vs. Envy **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 30, 2014, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jealousy-vs-envy/696970 "2014-08-30T16:18:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2014, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jealousy-vs-envy/696970/21 "2014-09-02T04:44:41Z")
> [@jabiru](#): > > People misuse these two words all the time. It bugs me but I don’t correct them. I wish I had that degree of self control. Or that you didn’t have that degree of self control, so that you would have no better self control than I do. ---
**Author:** ![Learjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/94ad74/32.png) [@Learjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Learjeff)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2014, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jealousy-vs-envy/696970/22 "2014-09-02T14:31:04Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > I wish I had that degree of self control. Or that you didn’t have that degree of self control, so that you would have no better self control than I do. Boy am I glad you said “than I do” rather than “than me”. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2014, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jealousy-vs-envy/696970/23 "2014-09-02T16:35:31Z")
So I have this friend Jessie. He’s been a good friend of mine. But lately somethings changed and it aint hard to define. Jessies got himself a girl and I want to make her mine… I wish I had a girl\* just like \*Jessies girl. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2014, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jealousy-vs-envy/696970/24 "2014-09-02T18:15:45Z")
Jealous: “That bitch thinks she’s all that, but she’s not.” Envy:: “She sure is lucky!” ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2014, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jealousy-vs-envy/696970/25 "2014-09-02T19:50:23Z")
> [@Yumblie](#): > > I agree with the most recent posts. I think most people would be envious of Bill Gates. Who wouldn’t want to have effectively limitless money to be able to donate to causes you believe in? > > But to be jealous of Bill Gates implies that I think I deserve all that money _instead_ of him. I think envy is more abstract (I desire Bill Gates’s lifestyle), jealousy is more personal (my emotions are more directed toward Bill Gates as a person). But if you look at it from a “[seven deadly sins](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seven_deadly_sins#Envy)” point of view, it is the exact opposite of that. In [Dante’s _Purgatorio_](http://danteworlds.laits.utexas.edu/purgatory/04envy.html), Dante describes envy as being worse than jealousy. The difference being that the envious gain pleasure in seeing others deprived. This is why **jabiru** annoyed me upthread. He thought the question has a definitive answer (even though he twice refused to post what that definitive answer was) when there is obviously something to debate. ---
**Author:** ![CT\_Damsel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CT\_Damsel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CT_Damsel)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2014, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jealousy-vs-envy/696970/26 "2014-09-02T20:03:48Z")
One of my pet peeves is people who conflate the two. acquaintance\* “I am so jealous of your new car.” Me (thinking No a$$hole you are ENVIOUS since it is my car. If was your car and it was cheating on you with me then you could be feckin jealous.) “Oh” I agree envy is worse than jealous; since jealousy used correctly results from a betrayal \*I could never be friends with someone who used jealousy in place of envy 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2014, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jealousy-vs-envy/696970/27 "2014-09-02T20:11:48Z")
> [@armedmonkey](#): > > This is a thread about the difference of the two. But, um, it’s not going to be THAT exciting. It’s about the two words themselves. > > “Jealousy” and “envy” should be two different things, but I trip over the difference. Let’s take Bill Gates. The dude’s a billionaire, happily married to a beautiful and intelligent wife, and the foundation the two started makes the world a better place. I love the guy. > > I would love to have his life. > > So here’s the question: Is that “jealousy” or is it “envy”? What you feel for Bill Gates is envy: the desire to have the equivalents of things possessed by another. Jealousy is the unwillingness to share what you already possess. Gates’ presumable unwillingness to le Melinda sleep with other men is jealousy. Covetousness is the desire to possess the EXACT thing another person possesses. If you wanted Melinda Gates in particular, rather than a woman of similar beauty (is she beautiful? I have no idea), then you’d be coveting her. ---
**Author:** ![Xema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9de053/32.png) [@Xema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xema)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2014, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jealousy-vs-envy/696970/28 "2014-09-02T20:21:43Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Jealousy is the unwillingness to share what you already possess. This has always been my understanding: Properly speaking, you’re jealous of what you have - and are worried about losing; you’re envious of what you don’t have - but would like to. Thus do we have the jealous husband (worried about losing his wife to another man) or the woman jealous of her beauty (which may fade). But wanting the neighbor’s car or your boss’s vacation home - that’s envy. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2014, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jealousy-vs-envy/696970/29 "2014-09-02T21:20:33Z")
Seems to me that jealous is a lot worse than envy, if only because jealousy hides itself behind hate and other emotions. A person may think they hate someone because they are annoying, when really that person triggers their insecurity. Maybe he or she is jealous because they aren’t as physically attractive as their target, but their ego won’t allow them to see this. If you don’t know the source of an emotion, how do you fix the problem? Jealousy arises from insecurity and perceived inferiority. A jealous lover believes their SO could bail on them at any minute, so that means they have to be hyper-vigilant in keeping them away from competitors. A jealous coworker feels threatened by the success of his colleague because deep-down he believes he’s inferior and that the colleague will outshine him. A jealous sibling believes no one in the family loves them, so they withold love to the target to level the playing field. In contrast, envy doesn’t really manifest in such neuroticism. I suppose it can lead to unhappiness with one’s lot in life (“Why does everyone have X except for me?”), but I think a little of that is useful as a motivator. I can’t see the utiity of jealousy. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2014, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jealousy-vs-envy/696970/30 "2014-09-02T22:58:49Z")
I think envy means you want something somebody else has. Jealousy means you think you should actually have it. In other words, you can be envious of some famous rock star because he’s got a supermodel girlfriend. But realistically you realize you never even met her. But if you see some guy going around with your ex-girlfriend then you’re jealous. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jealousy-vs-envy/696970.md?page=1)