# jeanster, let's discuss... **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 10, 2003, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161 "2003-02-10T18:56:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161/1 "2003-02-10T18:56:27Z")
OK, so **jeanster** opens up a thread -[“Internnational Exchange Program or a Scam?”](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=161718) Discussion ensues over whether or not this is a legitimate scam, or just a travel agency with questionable marketing techniques. But **jeanster** seems to be… how to put it delicately? Rather new 'round these parts. The thread started in IMHO, and as opinions on the matter get a little heated, **Czarcasm** wisely moves it to The Pit, adding his own opinion on the matter. Now that the proverbial floodgates had opened, people were a tad more colorful in their opinions of the program, and some of our more esteemed Dopers expressed themselves as we are wont to do. However, **jeanster** has taken offense. Some quotes that seem relevant: > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **OpalCat** _ > > And yes, I see your point. I just happen to think it is ridiculous. > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **jeanster** _ > > A nice way of phrasing that would be ‘And yes, I see your point. I just happen to disagree.’ > > There is no need to be rude. Heavens - rudeness in The Pit. Is nothing sacred? > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **OpalCat** _ > > I take it you haven’t looked around to see where you are. This is the SDMB. What’s more, it’s the Pit. You may want to look into growing a thicker skin and not being so touchy about things. > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **jeanster** _ > > I am aware this is the BBQ Pit. It is just unfortunate that you choose to conduct yourself in such a manner that calls for others to have to grow thicker skins and not be so touchy about things. Is it so difficult for you to conduct yourself in a manner that cannot be seen as rude? > > I have conducted myself here without resorting to any flaming or name-calling or casting aspersions on the characters of the other members. It is unfortunate that you choose not to do so likewise. > > If you continue to conduct yourself this way, I will report you to the moderator. My, my - let’s not be too hasty, now! ( **jeanster** also seemed to be under the mistaken impression that when a Moderator expresses their opinion about an OP (without specifically wearing their fancy Moderator Hat, I might add), that that somehow is the final word on the subject. But I digress.) However, thankfully, cooler heads prevailed, and **jeanster** didn’t report poor, put-upon **Opal** to the Moderators for being A Big Nasty Meanie, but rather posted in the [“Discussion of Pit Rules”](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=127730&pagenumber=5) thread, where she accuses **Opal** of “goading her into an argument” (and evidently **The Mermaid** ’s statement, “And watch out all of you. Now that she’s got that pointer finger warmed up and she’s not afraid to use it.” didn’t exactly sit too well with her either). But, hey, it’s ok - she’s pregnant, about to have a baby, and apologized if she got out of hand. Hormones and all, and she’s worried about the pregnancy. OK, we’re not Big Fat Meanies around here - we’re sympathic, we understand. Good luck with the kid! When you come back, let us know how things went. And maybe if you stick around you’ll get a better lay of the land and fit in just fine. However, **Mr. jeanster** (posting under **jeanster** ’s _nome de plume_) decided to check us out as well after hearing his wife speak of us. He took the time to read the thread (twice, even) and lay the blame at **Opal** ’s feet, with her “nonstop jabs,” and accusing **Gingerofthenorth** of playing favorites for not taking **The Mermaid** to task for her “finger-waving” comment. (_j’accuse!_) Heavens. Such strife. Such _storm und drang_. What’s a drama queen to do? Why, start a Pit thread, of course. 😃 **jeanster** , methinks you’re not only clueless about how this board is run, but clueless as to how to hold your own in a debate. Yeah, we get a little rough and dirty, but **Opal** was, IMHO, the epitome of good graces in that thread. She called your idea stupid - not you, not your husband, not your baby, not your way of life, just your idea. She’s entitled. And just calling your idea stupid is actually Great Debates material - it’s positively kid gloves in the Pit. I’d hate to think how you would have reacted if someone had actually _let loose_ on you if they didn’t agree with your OP. So, my advice (and you may take it for what it’s worth) is go, have your baby, and when you come back (if you have the time), take a little longer to read through the boards, read Cecil’s wisdom, and if the Pit isn’t for you, then stay out of it (and work harder at writing OP’s that won’t end up there). Whatever you decide, you’re certainly welcome here, but it doesn’t behoove you to come in and tell us what we should or shouldn’t do. As I mentioned, the SDMB has been around for quite some time before you or I ever showed up, and will continue after we leave, and it’s been going quite well, I think. Just MHO. Take it or leave it. Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Heloise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e36b37/32.png) [@Heloise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heloise)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161/2 "2003-02-10T19:57:12Z")
I’m just annoyed that she spelled international, “internnational.” 😛 ---
**Author:** ![LordVor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90ced4/32.png) [@LordVor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LordVor)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161/3 "2003-02-10T20:11:17Z")
What irked me about the original thread, in it’s original location, was that she obviously wasn’t searching for opinions, she was looking to express _her_ opinion and get validation for it. When none was forthcoming, she continued to agressively defend her position, in a rather curtious manner. Eventually, she realized that she didn’t have a point on the ‘scam’ part, and said as much, but also said that she still found it to be deceptive. That’s when I went into google-mode to try to convince her otherwise, to which her mind-boggling (to me) response was “that’s a lot of research”. Well, duh. That’s how you support opinions, you do research and provide cites. Anyhow, round about this time is when it got shuffled off to the pit, which I, personally, thought was a mistake. She didn’t really want a pit-style discussion on it, and got fed up when she got one. So, anyhow, my take on it: The OP didn’t belong in IMHO, because she wanted to debate her point and not really seek other opinions on it. The OP didn’t really belong in the Pit, because she didn’t want to be rude or get flamed. If only we had a forum where topics could be debated by people who are being civil with each other :rolleyes: That said, she was destined to lose her original position (that it’s a scam), and her suggestion of turning the program into a more exclusive but cheaper thing was pretty off-base (as there already are programs that are cheaper but more exclusive), but I thought she could have done fairly well defending her remaining position of deceptive marketing. \ -lv ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161/4 "2003-02-10T20:14:26Z")
Esprix I agree with you 1000%, but jeanster said herself that she won’t be back for WEEKS, so it seems like this will only end in a sad, newbie pileon. She was going into labor for god’s sake. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161/5 "2003-02-10T20:33:24Z")
Hasn’t stopped her husband from posting, has it? Esprix ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161/6 "2003-02-10T20:38:03Z")
He posted once and said he was leaving, AFAIK ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161/7 "2003-02-10T20:44:08Z")
I can’t imagine why on earth you would have your SO post for you. If it’s THAT important, he can get his own account. It just seems like she couldn’t hold her own, and needed him to step in for her. And I’m _always_ going to play favourites when one person makes sense, and the other one is throwing a tantrum. ---
**Author:** ![Pucky\_Schumer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/74df32/32.png) [@Pucky\_Schumer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pucky_Schumer)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161/8 "2003-02-10T21:17:26Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Esprix \* > \*\* > Heavens - rudeness in The Pit. Is nothing sacred?_\* I’ve gotta say that some of the policing of rudeness in the Pit seems damned inconsistent. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161/9 "2003-02-10T21:24:12Z")
Re-read **Ginger** ’s post - sometimes it’s called for. Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161/10 "2003-02-10T21:56:53Z")
Oh, and **jarbaby** , he did post in the Pit Rules thread twice. Esprix ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161/11 "2003-02-10T22:05:24Z")
Ok I can understand **jeanster’s** twitchiness but what is her hubby’s excuse. Are we to expect him to pop in everytime he feels his lady is being mistreated? Does he in turn have a bigger uglier brother who will pop periocically in to stick up for him? My goodness, where will it end? What follows is the exchange that apparently crossed their line. ## \*\*originally posted by jeanster \*\* \*I like your attitude. Good advice. I recently had to report someone who was trying to goad me into an ongoing argument. Decided not to give that poster the satisfaction. Let the mod deal with it. I have better things to do. \* To which I quoted and replied. **originally posted by The Mermaid** _And watch out all of you. Now that she’s got that pointer finger warmed up and she’s not afraid to use it._ I was not saying that **jeanster** was not within her rights to report something to a mod. I don’t agree that Opal’s comments were harsh enough to warrant it but hey, jeanster can do whatever pleases her even if nearly everyone else doesn’t agree with her. What I do feel was out of line was her popping into the “discuss the pit rules” thread for the apparent sole purpose of gloating about her actions. The whole thing brings to mind the class snitch, baby sister, chief brown-noser wailing[SIZE 3] **I’m telling!!!** [/size]everytime someone disagreed with them. I guess the message that I was trying to convey was that no one likes a snitch, much less one who snitches and tells. ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161/12 "2003-02-10T22:05:58Z")
> [@](#): > > I’ve gotta say that some of the policing of rudeness in the Pit seems damned inconsistent. I’d have to agree. Why, just the other day, I saw one poster modify the text of another poster’s remarks in order to claim that “The quotes you just invented are clearly false and dishonest” and not one moderator came in to admonish them. (Not that I think they _should_ have, since it was resolved without their intervention.) [As](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=2963973#2963973) [demonstrated](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=2964004#2964004) [in](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=2964087#2964087) [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=2964372#2964372) [exchange](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=2964599#2964599) [😉 !](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=2967671#2967671) ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161/13 "2003-02-10T22:09:57Z")
so, this newbie had a rough start, has posted that she’ll be unavailable for an extended period, her spous has posted (_ **twice!!!** _) in support of his wife. and you think **jarbaby’s** point about a newbie pile on is wrong?? FWIW, I’ve seen on more than one occasion a spouse, or other relative posting in support of their relative when said relative acted a bit abrubtly or whatever. Yea, she seemed a bit thin skinned etc. but, as she’s posted that she’s not going to be available for a while, why not wait, see if she even comes back, and if she does come back, has she learned or not. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161/14 "2003-02-10T22:17:58Z")
Well it seems she’s given her husband permission to speak on her behalf, so let him create his own account and relay whatever it is they want to say. If she’s going to make sanctimonious claims against the board and other posters, I don’t see a reason to delay calling her on it. Of course we all have lives (and having a baby counts as having two lives!), but if she’s going to post it, people are going to respond - it is the nature of the internet message board. Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161/15 "2003-02-10T22:19:19Z")
Oh, and **tom** , that would have been funnier if your links had actually worked. 😉 Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161/16 "2003-02-10T22:30:05Z")
You left out the “post” between “#” and the postnumber. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161/17 "2003-02-10T22:32:34Z")
> [@](#): > > Oh, and jarbaby, he did post in the Pit Rules thread twice. Using his wife’s account, too, I see. I’ll be putting a stop to that immediately. ---
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161/18 "2003-02-10T22:57:42Z")
**Esprix** , my little munchable yummikins, you know I just adore you to itty bitty pieces. And after you coming so sweetly to my defense in a recent Pit thread aimed at me, I hesitate slightly to call you on this, but call you on this I must. I have to admit that I haven’t found much to like about **jeanster** since she started that idiotic thread in the first place. Her sanctimonious, high-brow attitude was condescending and made me want to slap her. Seriously. I knew eventually she’d get Pitted by someone if she didn’t knock off the attitude. However, her very last post to these boards had (what I consider to have been) a very sincere apology: > [@](#): > > I want to apologize for anything I may have posted recently that may have rubbed you the wrong way. I’m under a great deal of stress now because my time to go into labor may be coming sooner than expected. I was not due to give birth to my firstborn until the end of this month or early March. I am very scared, and so my emotions have been going haywire lately. If I took it out on any of you here in this community, I apologize. Now, didn’t we all just climb up **Cisco’s** ass for not being able to recognize when he was being a complete jerk and saying “I’m sorry” with the proper contrition? Yet when **jeanster** does it, you brush it off rather flippantly. Then you get upset with her husband for stepping in to her defense. Well duh – he doesn’t “get” how things go around here – why should he? To someone who just stuck their heads in that one thread, without lurking around the various fora for any length of time, it _does_ appear as though his wife was trying to be polite and others were being rude. He. Doesn’t. Get. It. And he shouldn’t at this point. I think he simply made an observation and asked an honest question. And she didn’t necesarily give him permission to post on her behalf in the manner in which you’re implying. She asked him to thank the person who’d been kind to her, which he did. > [@](#): > > She asked me to stop by to thank you for your kind words. _Then_, apparently, wondering what the bruhaha was all about, he poked around on his own, saw what he thought was his wife being treated unfairly, and asked an honest question about it. He absolutely should’ve gotten his own account if he wanted to participate on these boards. But I honestly don’t think that was his intention at all. (And the Administrators here would be well within their bounds to send her an email and let her know he needs his own account if he intends to continue to post here.) But the bottom line is this – she’s going into labor **prematurely** with her **first child** and she may not be able to have her **primary ob-gyn** deliver her baby. You clearly have no clue what a scary, scary, **scary** thing that is. And not just for her, but for her husband, too. He’s _also_ having his first child! AND, he’s dealing with a scared shitless wife while trying to manage his own fears and concerns. _Of course_ they’re both a wee bit sensitive right now. But for heaven’s sake – she apologized. Contritely. And _his_ original intent was just to come and express thanks, which turned into expressing confusion at how things work around here. Given her apology and her unusual circumstances, was there _really_ a reason to Pit her? Aren’t you the very **Esprix** who cheered **Cisco** when he said > [@](#): > > I was over the top on this one. Shayna, I’m sorry. Can you give **jeanster** the same benefit of acceptance of her apology that you extended to **Cisco** – at least until she comes back and proves otherwise undeserving? ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161/19 "2003-02-10T23:09:04Z")
Oh my goodness! She’s posting as she’s going into labor?? She’s hooked! A true Doper! She’s demonstrated a level of commitment that the rest of you wannabes can only dream about! I haven’t read any of the exchanges in question, but I want to wish luck to **jeanster** and tell her this: Not only can you post while you’re in labor, but you can post while nursing. I’m doing it right now. 🙂 Please tell us how things went. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161/20 "2003-02-10T23:16:42Z")
In fairness, it should be noted that even veteran Dopers sometimes forget where it is they’re posting. My favorite was a Pit thread in which passions were running somewhat high, resulting in the usual exchange of ritual insults. At one point, a poster who’d been getting in his share of vituperation took issue with something I said (a remark to the effect that having **december** weigh in on your side was a likely indicator that your position wasn’t all that solid) and accused me of _an ad hominem attack_. In the Pit! What was I thinking? 😛 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161.md?page=2)