# jeanster, let's discuss... **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 10, 2003, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161 "2003-02-10T18:56:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161/21 "2003-02-10T23:23:22Z")
**Pucky** , there is a difference between argument and [being a jerk](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=161597). You _really_ seem to have a problem with perspective. As for **jeanster** , by the time she comes back (if she comes back) this will have blown over and we’ll see if het skin has grown some callouses. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161/22 "2003-02-10T23:28:33Z")
**Shayna** , respectfully, I disagree. (Surprise! 😃 ) If she’s going to post this stuff, it’s going to come back to haunt her (God knows we’ve all learned that lesson!). I think she was out of line to make the comments she did to **Opal** when there was absolutely nothing wrong with what was said, but you’re right - she apologized. However, I read her apology as more of an excuse (her pregnancy) rather than as a contrition. And yes, I’m sympathetic, but perhaps if she has bigger things to worry about, such as a troublesome pregnancy, she shouldn’t be bring her smarmy holier-than-thou don’t-know-a-thing-about-the-SDMB-but-I’ll-tell-you-how-things-ought-to-be-done-around-here-anyway attitude only to have us actually call her on it, and then have her leave when we do. And, really, her husband coming to her defense, although understandable, really undermined whatever apology she might have intended, IMHO. If he’s going to come in and cast aspersions without ever having been here before, he’s just as bad as she is. I do wish her luck and health with the newborn, and I do wish she’d come back and become a regular, contributing poster to the family we call Dopers. Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Pucky\_Schumer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/74df32/32.png) [@Pucky\_Schumer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pucky_Schumer)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2003, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161/23 "2003-02-10T23:47:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Biggirl \* > \*\ ***Pucky** , there is a difference between argument and [being a jerk](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=161597). You _really_ seem to have a problem with perspective. > \*\* Biggirl, jerkitude is in the eye of the beholder. Let she who has never jerked cast the first stone. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161/24 "2003-02-11T00:09:31Z")
Alright, I’m here, ready for some stone-flinging. (what? what?) I agree that the apology regarding the pregnancy was an excuse, not a reason. That sort of stinks of “It wasn’t my fault I killed him - I have PMS!” If you’re out of control with hormones and worry, maybe that isn’t the best time to be debating about something you have strong feelings over. She would have been much better served with an MPSIMS thread about her pregnancy worries where everyone came in and gave her big hugs and reassured her ( **Scotticher** , I’m talking to you here :D). ---
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161/25 "2003-02-11T00:22:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Esprix \* > > **Shayna** , respectfully, I disagree. (Surprise! 😃 ) If she’s going to post this stuff, it’s going to come back to haunt her (God knows we’ve all learned that lesson!). Well of course – _IF_ she hadn’t apologized! I mean, how silly is this: **Jerky New Poster** : Blah Blah, rudeness, snarkiness **Established Poster** : Excuse me, that’s not how we do things around here. Here’s how it works… **Jerky New Poster** : I was wrong. I’m very sorry for my behaviour. I apologize. **Established Poster** : [Starts New Pit Thread] Yo! Jerky New Poster! You’re a jerk and should grow a thicker skin. So you’re having a baby – so what? Grow up and come back when you get a life! **Jerky New Poster** : Uhm, yeah, I already said I was sorry. What more do you want? MY FIRST BORN?! I’m on my way out to have it, so send me your address and I’ll mail him to you straight away. 😉 > [@](#): > > I think she was out of line to make the comments she did to **Opal** when there was absolutely nothing wrong with what was said, but you’re right - she apologized. And acknowledged as much! > [@](#): > > However, I read her apology as more of an excuse (her pregnancy) rather than as a contrition. **Esprix** , you don’t get to interpret her apology. Like our esteemed **Polycarp** said in his Pit thread – you don’t know what’s in her heart and mind better than she, herself does! It was an outright acknowledgement of poor behaviour and an apology. It was then followed, in a separate paragraph, by an explanation of why she’s been on edge lately. Just because someone explains the origin of their mood, hardly means they’re trying to _excuse_ it! An excuse would sound more like, “Well, sure, I was snarky, but you would be too, if you were pregnant and going into labor early and couldn’t have your own doctor!” Do you see the difference? > [@](#): > > And yes, I’m sympathetic, but perhaps if she has bigger things to worry about, such as a troublesome pregnancy, she shouldn’t be bring her smarmy holier-than-thou don’t-know-a-thing-about-the-SDMB-but-I’ll-tell-you-how-things-ought-to-be-done-around-here-anyway attitude only to have us actually call her on it, and then have her leave when we do. That’s not what she did! She was a snot. She was a snot some more. Several people called her on it. She tried to stand her ground. She got called on it again **and then she apologized**. _Then_ she left. She didn’t leave because you called her on her behaviour – she left because she’s having a baby. And the last thing she did before she left was say she was sorry to the entire community for how she’d been behaving. I, for one, accept her apology at face value and am willing to give her a break until we see how she acts when she’s not under such extraordinary stress. > [@](#): > > And, really, her husband coming to her defense, although understandable, really undermined whatever apology she might have intended, IMHO. That would only be the case if she knew about it, if she directed him to post _in her defense_ (and we have no evidence of that) or if she told him specifically what to post on her behalf. I don’t believe any of those options to have been the case, so I’m judging him apart from her. > [@](#): > > If he’s going to come in and cast aspersions without ever having been here before, he’s just as bad as she is. No, he’s just not familiar with out community and asked if we saw things the way he saw them in that thread. And yes, he was wrong to have done so without first trying to get to know how things work around here and without registering his own username. But that hardly makes him “bad”. > [@](#): > > I do wish her luck and health with the newborn, and I do wish she’d come back and become a regular, contributing poster to the family we call Dopers. And I’m just asking if you couldn’t, perhaps, leave it at that until she does. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161/26 "2003-02-11T00:27:10Z")
Wow, **Esprix**! You’re my knight in shining armour, riding in to defend me! _swoon_ I’m really not that concerned over the whole thing, and I wish her luck with her baby. Dominic was “early” as well (well, he was actually late, because he was small and they’d mis-guessed my due date, but at the time we thought he was early) and my OB wasn’t there either. It’s a stressful time. [Btw, she did say that “my time to go into labor **may** be coming sooner than expected” so we can send her good thoughts that the little squirt stays put for now.] ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161/27 "2003-02-11T00:31:23Z")
Well sheesh, as Opal herself has said, part of her name is CAT after all, not ferret, or cuddly bear, (paraphrased), and cats are, after all, a bit sparky. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161/28 "2003-02-11T00:32:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Esprix \* > **Such _storm und drang_.** Hey now. No need to get careless there. It’s _Sturm und Drang_, and you’ll notice German nouns are capitalised. Do proceed. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161/29 "2003-02-11T00:36:49Z")
Sorry, **Shayna** m’dear - I just ain’t buyin’ it. > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **Shayna** _ > > Well of course – _IF_ she hadn’t apologized! And, again, I read it as an excuse, not an apology. YMMV. > [@](#): > > … you don’t get to interpret her apology. Humbug! It’s a public message board, and I’ll interpret what’s written there for all the world to see. Isn’t that the point? Otherwise this would be an awfully boring place to be, IMHO. > [@](#): > > An excuse would sound more like, “Well, sure, I was snarky, but you would be too, if you were pregnant and going into labor early and couldn’t have your own doctor!” Do you see the difference? I do, but in this case, I don’t think there is a difference. Again, YMMV. Others seem to agree. > [@](#): > > She didn’t leave because you called her on her behaviour – she left because she’s having a baby. I didn’t say she did. You’re effecting a causality I didn’t make. I recognize she’s not leaving because people called her on her attitude, but the fact of the matter is, she posted it, we responded, and now she’s not around. Bad timing. Perhaps she shouldn’t be posting at all if she’s having problems with her pregnancy, let alone getting into pointless arguments with people over the internet. Sure, a distraction I’m sure is welcomed in her condition, but it’s still bad timing regardless. > [@](#): > > I, for one, accept her apology at face value and am willing to give her a break until we see how she acts when she’s not under such extraordinary stress. Well, that’s fine n’ dandy. And I’m looking forward to her return to see if anything’s changed. But I still think her apology was insincere and her husband undermined it - hence this thread. Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161/30 "2003-02-11T00:46:09Z")
Oh **Esprix** , get over it. We’ve _all_ posted in bad moods and regretted it later. **You’ve done it yourself.** Just because you say she shouldn’t even _be_ posting if she’s under so much stress doesn’t matter a hill of beans. Sometimes we post in those moods because it _relieves_ some of the stress (or we think it does at the time) or takes our mind off of the serious stuff we’re facing off the boards. And then when we’re sorry and **say so** we hope that the people to whom we’re apologizing are **big enough people** to simply say “Thank you, I accept,” and move on. But instead of accepting her freely given apology, you drag her into a fight that you know full well she’s not even around to participate in. That’s just… I don’t know what to call it, but it’s wrong. ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161/31 "2003-02-11T00:49:59Z")
I agree **Shayna** ; and what’s more, re: the husband, there’s been any number of spouses, family members etc posting in support for a poster when they over reacted, so I don’t see why all the fallderall here about that. ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161/32 "2003-02-11T01:19:18Z")
Ya know I was the first one to call Jeanster on her posts in the other thread. I too thought that she had a very thin skin. Yesterday after having read her last couple of posts I thought it over and decided that tonight I was going to show her a good old fashion pitting. Now I read that she is gone for a while and won’t be back till after the baby arrives. Kinda takes the fun out of it. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161/33 "2003-02-11T01:32:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Shayna \* > \*\*Oh **Esprix** , get over it. We’ve _all_ posted in bad moods and regretted it later. **You’ve done it yourself.** Just because you say she shouldn’t even _be_ posting if she’s under so much stress doesn’t matter a hill of beans. Sometimes we post in those moods because it _relieves_ some of the stress (or we think it does at the time) or takes our mind off of the serious stuff we’re facing off the boards. > \*\* Whew! (thanks for “verbalizing” that Shayna!, I’ve been feeling heinously guilty for taking my bad mood out in some threads, your “why people do it” is right on, at least in my case). ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161/34 "2003-02-11T05:06:58Z")
Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t telling someone that you’re using the “Report this Post to a Moderator” link against the rules? I replied to hubby in the “Pit Rules” thread, though. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2003, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161/35 "2003-02-11T06:04:09Z")
Again, **Shayna** , I didn’t see an apology, I saw an excuse. And whether or not she’ll be back tomorrow or next year doesn’t excuse her from having been an overreactive whiner, IMHO. Esprix [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jeanster-lets-discuss/154161.md?page=1)