# Jehovah Goddamned Witnesses... Fuck 'Em In A Ventricle **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 21, 2019, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovah-goddamned-witnesses-fuck-em-in-a-ventricle/842104 "2019-10-21T19:27:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![RioRico](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f04885/32.png) [@RioRico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RioRico)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2019, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovah-goddamned-witnesses-fuck-em-in-a-ventricle/842104/41 "2019-10-23T03:48:43Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > My understanding (as an admitted outsider) is that the purpose of witnessing is not really to convert anyone to a new religion. It’s seen as a duty a religious believer owes to God. > > So when they show up at your door and annoy you, they’re not really doing it for your sake. They’re doing it for themselves; they want to impress God with how good a believer they are. That’s the point of being some sort of Jesus (actually Paul) follower, to save one’s self, not others. It’s inherently greedy. Sort of like Lotto betting, hoping for a rigged game. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2019, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovah-goddamned-witnesses-fuck-em-in-a-ventricle/842104/42 "2019-10-23T04:15:50Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > We had JW show up at our door 5-8 years ago. Took you 3 years to get rid of them??? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2019, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovah-goddamned-witnesses-fuck-em-in-a-ventricle/842104/43 "2019-10-23T04:47:26Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > Took you 3 years to get rid of them??? > > 😃 The JW’s still there and will depart in 2022. (5-8 = -3) ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2019, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovah-goddamned-witnesses-fuck-em-in-a-ventricle/842104/44 "2019-10-23T16:29:47Z")
I actually don’t mind when “Christians” of any stripe come to my door. They knock, I answer, they introduce, I act a little surprised and welcoming and say, “Hey just a minute, I’ll be right back.” then shut the door as non-rudely as possible and go watch TV, mow the lawn, or whatever else that doesn’t involve the front door. Keeps them out of my headspace, and every minute I keep them standing on my doorstep is another minute they don’t have for spreading their bullshit around the neighborhood. Next time I’m gonna have them “wait just one minute”, and then go drive my car out of the garage. If they look confused I will assure them I won’t be but a second. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2019, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovah-goddamned-witnesses-fuck-em-in-a-ventricle/842104/45 "2019-10-23T21:03:45Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > I’ll do you one better. Anytime I see someone approching my door and they make eye contact with me through a window I’ll just yell “Nope” or “Not interested” through the window and keep walking. The majority of the time they actually do turn around and keep walking. If they catch me outside I’ll normally cut them off and nicely, but sternly say “I’m not interested” and walk away. > Now, this is for salespeople, but I don’t see why it wouldn’t work with JW or LDS (which we get more of around here). > Honestly, I think most of these people, getting cut off in the middle of their first sentence or being yelled at through a window, are caught off guard and that’s what gives me the opportunity to walk away. I’m usually halfway back to my house before they say ‘but can’t I tell you…’. No, you can’t. > > The way I see it, you’re banging on my door in hopes that I’ll give you money. I don’t owe you anything. I don’t owe you money, I don’t owe you my time and I don’t owe you any courtesy. For a while back in the late 1990s I had a huge wolf/shepherd hybrid named Llugh. Amazingly well socialized and gentle, absolutely loved going for rides along with our husky Blue. Door to door types were dropping by very frequently, and I finally got tired of it. I would rev up the dogs when I saw someone start driving in [you know, wanna go for a ride? wanna go for a ride? bounce bounce …] I would fling open the front door with a huge KILL at the top of my lungs, letting out two huge dogs barking their fool heads off heading for the driveway. Never failed, the cars always left as fast as they could pull out. SO I would load my guys into my Scout and head 15 minutes down the road to the Lisbon McDonalds for a couple plain no condiment burgers =) Oddly enough, after a few repetitions of this, people stopped coming by the farm to preach at us =) ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2019, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovah-goddamned-witnesses-fuck-em-in-a-ventricle/842104/46 "2019-10-23T22:46:56Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > We had JW show up at our door 5-8 years ago. Our road is private, and there is a sign “PRIVATE ROAD NO TRESPASSING”. I answered the door and immediately explained that they were trespassing and I was calling the cops. They skedaddled and haven’t been back since. > > That’s the plus to living on a private road. Yearly upkeep and the lack of snowplowing are the minuses. > [@Gatopescado](#): > > Took you 3 years to get rid of them??? > > 😃 Not really. Just his private road is REALLY LONG. It took them three years to get off his property. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2019, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovah-goddamned-witnesses-fuck-em-in-a-ventricle/842104/47 "2019-10-23T22:50:54Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > My former FIL was a devout catholic who was well versed in all things churchy. He also had a lot of the church’s literature in his home, which he stored for the local priest. Whenever one of these ass clowns would come to his door, he would invite them in and listen to their spiel. Then he would pull out a box of church literature and begin telling them all about HIS religion, including its history. If the visitor made noises about having to leave after a half hour of this, he would say something along the lines of “Well, I sat here politely while you told me all about your organization. It would seem that common courtesy would dictate that you hear about mine.” Please tell me you stayed in the marriage a couple of extra years just to keep FIL privileges… ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2019, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovah-goddamned-witnesses-fuck-em-in-a-ventricle/842104/48 "2019-10-24T07:36:12Z")
> [@nelliebly](#): > > I can’t speak to the JW part, but I had hundreds of LDS students over the years. Most of the males went on a mission shortly after graduation, and I’ve kept in touch with some of them. The purpose of the mission is not to seal a sense of us/them. There’s no need to instill an us/them mindset via a mission: LDS kids are raised with an us vs. “gentiles” mindset. They really do hope to convert people, though they don’t expect to be very successful: I think the average is something like 3 converts per year per missionary. I do think part of the idea is to kind of brainwash them into staying with the faith, though, by forbidding internet, TV, telephone, radio, or movies and requiring most waking hours be spent proselytizing, I would argue there’s a difference between what the proselytizers believe their intent is and what the organization wants to accomplish. The idea that it is used as part of indoctrinating wouldn’t work if the proselytizers were in on it. That said, I don’t agree 100%. I do think there is an intent to convert–just that this isn’t their only purpose. If it were, there would be a greater focus on tactics that have a better instance of working. For example, it’s pretty well known that proselytization works best if you have a preexisting relationship with the person. It makes it seem you genuinely care about them and their well being. Yet LDS missions always send you to live somewhere else, with at least one other missionary and usually a group, and you spend the majority of your time with them. It is an isolating experience, which is something cults use. That, BTW, is what to me separates JWs and LDSers from most Christians. Most Christians teach a “in the world, but not of the world” setup, where you participate in society. There isn’t much separating you from your unbelieving family and friends and such. That is what is cultlike, and why I consider Oneness Pentecostalism\* and Fundamentalism to be cultlike, too. \*I’d normally call them “Apostolic,” as they often like to be called, but Nava reminded me this has a completely different definition that might be confusing. ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2019, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovah-goddamned-witnesses-fuck-em-in-a-ventricle/842104/49 "2019-10-24T14:18:41Z")
I actually saw _two_ people talk to them, at different stations, in the city the other day. First time I’ve ever seen someone approach them. Where do they keep their sidewalk carts (like an overheight dolly) that they use to display literature? Do they breakdown (I’ve never looked that closely; usually just walk right by w/o even the civility of eye contact) as I can’t see an employer allowing them to be stored at work. ---
**Author:** ![RioRico](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f04885/32.png) [@RioRico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RioRico)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2019, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovah-goddamned-witnesses-fuck-em-in-a-ventricle/842104/50 "2019-10-25T02:49:18Z")
Pumas and bears prowl our rural mountain realm. Not many solicitors walk to our door. ---
**Author:** ![Darryl\_Lict](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7cd45c/32.png) [@Darryl\_Lict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darryl_Lict)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2019, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovah-goddamned-witnesses-fuck-em-in-a-ventricle/842104/51 "2019-10-25T03:32:48Z")
Someone once told me that the JWs have a database and that if you tell them that you don’t want them on your property, they won’t bother you. I used to get them on at least a monthly basis, and I told them to never come back, and now they really rarely show up. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2019, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovah-goddamned-witnesses-fuck-em-in-a-ventricle/842104/52 "2019-10-25T03:43:32Z")
> [@Darryl\_Lict](#): > > Someone once told me that the JWs have a database and that if you tell them that you don’t want them on your property, they won’t bother you. I used to get them on at least a monthly basis, and I told them to never come back, and now they really rarely show up. From what I understand, it only works for six months, after which they’ll try again. And only if you specifically ask them not to come back–if you just make them feel unwelcome, they’ll come back again and again. Assuming this is true, then it fits what I said in my previous paragraph. Someone politely saying no doesn’t feed the persecution fantasy, but someone being rude to them would–despite the rude ones being the ones who are least receptive to the message. I have also always been polite, but more because I feel sorry for them. I tell them “Thanks, but I’m already a Christian and know what beliefs are.” I’ve even offered them a drink before, simply to copy what the Bible said about how you’ll be blessed if you offer a drink to preachers of the Good News. ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2019, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovah-goddamned-witnesses-fuck-em-in-a-ventricle/842104/53 "2019-10-25T11:42:24Z")
I used to have a holiday home in Italy, and a lovely Italian neighbour used to keep an eye on the place, her son taking charge of gardening duties. Whenever I was there, she’d come over for a coffee or a beer. Then one day, instead of walking through the gate and knocking on the front door as she normally would, she stood at the end of my driveway just outside the gate. With a friend I’d never seen before. And dressed really weirdly - light makeup, straightened hair, twinset, sensible skirt length. She rang the bell and I went out to her. Hi Eleanor, is everything ok? At which point she whips out a leaflet and starts talking to me about Jesus. My wife sidled up and did that haughty ‘I’m Catholic and this teaching is blasphemous’ thing, that Catholics do when faced with a ‘lesser’ church. And they left. Next day I saw her as usual, in scruffy jeans and dropping by for a coffee and a chat about the olive trees. Nothing about her JW escapade was mentioned then, or ever again. ---
**Author:** ![minor7flat5](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/minor7flat5/32/258_2.png) [@minor7flat5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minor7flat5)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2019, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovah-goddamned-witnesses-fuck-em-in-a-ventricle/842104/54 "2019-10-25T15:10:21Z")
I don’t get worked up about this. But that’s just my opinion, so please carry on. I usually invite them in and have a chat. We have a good conversation, I bring up points of doctrine where our beliefs differ and they provide some support for their beliefs. It’s always a friendly encounter and I don’t see them again for a year or two. It’s my humble opinion that at worst they are just doing a job, working to earn their place in heaven, while at best they truly and completely believe in their heart that they are helping a fellow human being in the best possible way. That’s a whole lot more than can be said for the random guys from Comcast or Cablevision who come to my door and try to sell me new Internet service. I never let them in, and I tell them my reasons for keeping my current service, but they just don’t leave. I have occasionally had to say “Please leave my property” ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2019, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovah-goddamned-witnesses-fuck-em-in-a-ventricle/842104/55 "2019-10-25T16:39:39Z")
> [@Balance](#): > > I have a special hate for religious vultures who regard the death of someone’s friend or loved one as an opportunity for an advertisement. Some years ago, I attended the funeral of a friend who had been murdered. The preacher knew that some of her friends who were in attendance weren’t Christian, and decided that the middle of her eulogy would be a great time to insult their beliefs and declare that they needed to convert to his church to find comfort. It _still_ pisses me off every time I think about it. > > I don’t believe we’ve ever even exchanged words before, **GreysonCarlisle** , but I’m sorry for your loss and furious on your behalf at the scum trying to take advantage of a grieving family. Back when my father died, in 2014, a communication from a legal firm showed up by FedEx. I will include here the post I made on the Dope at the time. Many and varied were the ideas we were given on how to return the book we were sent. > [@My father has died, long, sorry](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died-long-sorry/698397/102): > > Okay, now I’m officially pissed. > > I was at my mother’s house today, and a FedEx truck pulls up. The package delivered said “legal documents” so we opened it. > > Huh, it was from a firm of personal injury lawyers, a book of theirs on “Winning a lawsuit with dignity” Yeah, right. My dad hasn’t even been dead for a frakking week, and the vultures send her something like this. Probably got his name out of the newspaper articles, or from the television news story. > > My inclination is to burn the book and mail them the ashes, but Mom wouldn’t like it. However, I think my Dad may have appreciated it. I won’t do it of course, but just thinking about it makes me feel better. ---
**Author:** ![GreysonCarlisle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a87d85/32.png) [@GreysonCarlisle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreysonCarlisle)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2019, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovah-goddamned-witnesses-fuck-em-in-a-ventricle/842104/56 "2019-10-25T18:05:09Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > Back when my father died, in 2014, a communication from a legal firm showed up by FedEx. I will include here the post I made on the Dope at the time. Many and varied were the ideas we were given on how to return the book we were sent. _Vultures_ is apt. _Scum_ would also fit. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2019, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovah-goddamned-witnesses-fuck-em-in-a-ventricle/842104/57 "2019-10-27T22:19:55Z")
When the first set of JWs came to my door, I told them that this was a devout atheist household and they left quickly. The second time, years later, a woman came with a little girl, I guess so that she wouldn’t get yelled at. I smiled and started quizzing her on creationism. I, like any Doper, was able to rip apart her flimsy arguments, right in front of the impressionable kid. They’ve never been back. I figure that if you yell at them they can feel righteous, but if you take apart their belief structure they might possibly start to think. The only thing I’ do differently would be to offer them some water to be really polite. ---
**Author:** ![SOJA](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@SOJA](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SOJA)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2019, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovah-goddamned-witnesses-fuck-em-in-a-ventricle/842104/58 "2019-10-27T22:28:41Z")
Jehovas Witnesses and their fake bullshit need to die off. My condolences to you, OP. At least Mormons aren’t too annoying. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2019, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovah-goddamned-witnesses-fuck-em-in-a-ventricle/842104/59 "2019-10-27T23:03:51Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > I have also always been polite, but more because I feel sorry for them. I tell them “Thanks, but I’m already a Christian and know what beliefs are.” I may lose a few Jesus Points for suggesting this, but _anyone_ could use this line. A friend of mine says that as soon as they hear “I’m a Born-Again Christian”\*, they put you on the Stay Away From list. \*Not sure I could utter that without a Southern “bless your li’l heart” accent… ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2019, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovah-goddamned-witnesses-fuck-em-in-a-ventricle/842104/60 "2019-10-28T05:43:48Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > When the first set of JWs came to my door, I told them that this was a devout atheist household and they left quickly. > The second time, years later, a woman came with a little girl, I guess so that she wouldn’t get yelled at. I smiled and started quizzing her on creationism. I, like any Doper, was able to rip apart her flimsy arguments, right in front of the impressionable kid. They’ve never been back. I figure that if you yell at them they can feel righteous, but if you take apart their belief structure they might possibly start to think. > The only thing I’ do differently would be to offer them some water to be really polite. My first longtime roommate in college did something similar with the Mormon missionaries. He scheduled a time for them to come in and make their pitch, and, after they did, he asked if he could use their visual aids to show his beliefs, too. They made excuses and left, and didn’t come back. Both of my longtime roommates in college were a bit weird in the religion department. One almost became confirmed as a Catholic for a girl, but dropped it after they broke up, but still went to Catholic mass and kept a Catholic Bible. Not too weird, but unusual. The other was really strange, basically starting his own denomination with one friend who had had a near death experience. He didn’t believe he could trust any church, so he just kept his tithe in a separate funding for his own missionary trips he did on his own, riding a bike back home 30 miles every other Friday, and then going out on Saturday. He believed it was the only work he was allowed to do on the Sabbath (after sundown Friday). He also believed that any fiction that had magic in it was wrong, though he would play video games with magic in them–as long as he could avoid using magic himself, and punish all the magic users with his brute strength. Both were quite kind, though, and neither proselytized to me. Despite the magic thing, the other guy was otherwise rather “live and let live,” and his belief that sex and marriage were the same thing and that polygamy was okay (since it was in the Bible) meant that he wasn’t judgmental in the most common way the Christians in the area were. And both were heavily into charity. The second guy has a lot of funds saved back from his tithing. which he could only use by giving to others in need (or to help with his missionary work on Saturday). I bring this up because I think they are a big reason I have a soft spot for Christians with unusual beliefs. I got to know them, that they were good people beneath it all, but just plagued either by organized religion or very scrupulous thought processes. Of course, not all aren’t hateful, but it does lead me to feel sorry for those who are good people. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovah-goddamned-witnesses-fuck-em-in-a-ventricle/842104.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/jehovah-goddamned-witnesses-fuck-em-in-a-ventricle/842104.md?page=4)